13 Years
by Kira Tamarion
Summary: AU. A continuation of the love story that began in Hello, Again. The son of Maric Theirin and the daughter of Malcolm Hawke, Alistair and Marnie have been married for 13 years. See how these soulmates, partners, protectors have loved and weathered 13 of the most violent and disturbing years of the Dragon Age. Covers parts of DA2 and DAI. Cross-posted on my AO3 Page: Kira Tamarion
1. Hello, Again

**AN** January 2015, I wrote a story called _Hello, Again_ **.** It was a Secret Santa gift fic for EasternViolet. In her lovely review she included the aside, "Spoiler alert: Inquisition is going to be a rough one with this head canon!" My muse came back from an extended vacation and said "Challenge Accepted." The result is **_13 years_** a continuation of Hello, Again.

I have inserted Hello, again so it reads as a whole tale.

 **Hello, Again.**

 _Andraste save me. He's a son of King Maric?_ The warden lowered his head and pinched the bridge of his nose. After a moment, Edwyn Amell lifted his head; the twinkle in his storm-grey eyes belied his serious expression as he looked at Alistair. "So actually you are a _Royal_ Bastard."

Alistair looked surprised and, for the first time since Ostagar, he smiled. "I guess I am."

This had originally started out as a discussion about who would lead the group. Edwyn did not want to. He had never been out of the circle, and thought it ridiculous. But they needed get past this, at least for now, so he suggested, "Alistair, how about you take command until we get to Redcliffe, then we can talk about which of us should be the Commander?

Alistair sighed in resignation. "All right, I'll lead until we get to Redcliffe."

"I am surprised you left your well of grief long enough to speak, much less to lead."

Edwyn looked at her. "Morrigan stop being such an unrelenting bitch. At least for a few minutes; I don't want to overtax you."

Alistair couldn't hide his grin.

Morrigan didn't really know what to do, so she stood with her arms crossed and tapped her foot.

Alistair ignored her. "Before we leave Lothering we are going to need supplies and equipment, and for that we will need extra coin. I will look at the Chanter's Board for some work, and go to the Chantry to tell them about the highway bandits. Edwyn, take Morrigan and see what we can get with the coin we have."

Morrigan immediately walked away. As Edwyn jogged after her he said, "On it, Commander!" not giving Alistair time to disagree with the title.

Alistair shook his head. _Me, Commander, right. Bad idea._ He walked towards the chantry to speak to the templar who was in charge.

After being raised in a monastery, Alistair hated chantries. _The incense always makes me sneeze, and listening to the Chant is as boring as watching ice melt._ He checked the board, found some useful jobs, and then went inside. When he asked who was the templar in charge of the chantry, he was directed to a tall man with dark-hair and a swarthy complexion _._

 _He must be from Riv–_

Alistair's thoughts were completely sidetracked when he saw the black-haired woman the templar was speaking to. Though he only saw her in profile, he was taken with her high cheekbones, pale skin, and graceful neck. Then he noticed she also had a broadsword sheathed at her back.

He was still staring when the woman concluded her conversation. She turned away from the templar, who called her 'Hawk' and was now facing him, about ten feet away. _Her eyes are so blue, like the color of the ocean. Maker's Breath, she is beautiful._

Hawke stopped when she saw Alistair.

Their eyes met, and suddenly he felt rather warm in his armor.

 _Maker's Mercy, he is a handsome man!_ Looking at his uniform she recognized the griffon on the breastplate _,_ then she looked back to his face as he started walking towards her.

 _Oh Shit, now what? I…I don't know what to say! I mean, what do you say to the most_ handsome _man you have ever seen? Hello Handsome? No, I don't care what Carver says, that will never work! He is getting closer. Think, quick!_

He was now standing directly in front of her. "Um…ah…Hello, Ser." _Great opening, Marnie._

"Hello, um…miss." He blushed. _Somehow,_ _it is oddly comforting that she is as tongue-tied as me._

 _He is both handsome and bashful._ Hawke smiled.

"Do you live in Lothering?" Alistair asked.

"Yes…I mean no…well, sort of. We live on the outskirts of Lothering." _I sound like an idiot!_

"I hope you are fleeing the Blight? Do you need any help?"

"No, I mean yes, we are leaving, but we have it under control. I just need to make some coin to buy supplies. I heard there were bandits on the highway, thought I could relieve the chantry of that burden."

Alistair looked sheepish. "Actually, we already eliminated the bandits."

"We?"

"Yes my fellow War…ah...friend.

"Is your friend a warden as well?" She smiled at Alistair's surprised expression. "The armor is a dead give-away."

Alistair chuckled. "I suppose it is. Yes, he is a warden as well, recently from the circle. We are also traveling with a hedge-witch." _Why am I telling her this? "_ Wait, were you going to kill the highway bandits yourself?"

"I was. I swing a very mean broadsword." She pointed to the one on her back. "My younger brother is home protecting our mother and sister. My father passed last year." Her expression spoke of pain and loss.

"At Ostagar, I lost a man who was like a father to me. I'm sorry for your loss."

"As I am for yours." _Great, we are both reminding each other about our dead loved-ones. Way to go, Marnie!_

"I found some jobs on the Chanter's Board. We could join forces and split the coin?"

She looked at him, stunned. "You would do that? You don't even know my name?"

Alistair grinned. "Yes, I _would_ do that, and I do know your name, well sort of. It's Hawk, right? My name is Alistair." He held out his arm. _Wait, do women do this? Should I have kissed her hand instead?_

Hawke made it very easy by grasping his forearm in return. "You're right, I am Hawk, although it is spelled with an 'e' at the end."

"Is that your first name or last name?"

Everyone called her Hawke, but for some reason she didn't want _him_ to. "Last. I'm Marnie. Let's talk to Ser Bryant, he will want to know about the bandits."

Alistair nodded.

Bryant gave Alistair 20 silvers and mentioned that the Arl's knights were on a quest. "Wasting time chasing after the Urn of Sacred Ashes."

After Alistair heard that from Bryant he noticed Ser Perth who was reading a tome. Perth explained how the Arl was deathly ill, and that the Arlessa had sent the knights on a quest.

After Perth left for Redcliffe, Alistair simply stood there. _The last time I saw the Arl, I was ten and being sent to the monastery. I was so angry I threw that amulet against the wall and it shattered._

The feel of Marnie's hand on his shoulder startled him out of his reverie. He looked surprised to see that she was still there. _Oh…right! I offered to split the money from the Chanter's Board jobs._

Hawke watched him. _Clearly the information about the Arl of Redcliffe deeply bothered him._ "Alistair, do you know the Arl of Redcliffe?"

"Yes…but it's complicated. My group needs to get back to Redcliffe, but…."

"You need to conclude your business here first?"

He nodded. "We need supplies and coin. We…I…cannot just drop everything." He sighed and looked down at his feet for a moment and then looked up. "I was thinking of personal issues, and I no longer have the luxury of doing that."

To Hawke his expression had changed from looking lost, to looking more resolved, more confident. "Are you the Commander?"

"Yes, for now. Not that I have any experience at being a commander."

"Alistair, no one has experience being a commander until they become one."

"Well, that's true. But I've never been in command of anything."

"You've never led even a small group of Wardens?"

"Well, yes, I have been leading recruits to collect…ah… some items we need for the initiation."

Hawke smiled. "Your Order's secret-keeping is legendary. Anyway, leading a small group requires the same basic leadership skills as leading a large group. You need to inspire confidence, you need to get things accomplished through those under your command, and you have to make the best decisions you can, typically with very little information."

"You're quite knowledgeable."

"I learned a lot from Ser Bryant, and from the soldiers that would come in and out of Lothering. I spent many an evening drinking at Dane's Refuge. Soldiers are pretty chatty drunks. So you see? You have experience leading. You just need to scale it up a bit."

Alistair ponered what she'd said. _Oddly enough, I feel better._ "Well, Lady Marnie, shall we dispense with some bandits?"

Hawke spoke softly so only he could hear, "Lead the way, Warden Commander Alistair."

 **~oOOo~**

Morrigan and Edwyn were waiting by the bridge. When Hawke saw the other warden she was stunned. _He looks like Mother; he has the same grey eyes._

Alistair smiled at Edwyn. "Warden Edwyn Amell, this is Marnie Hawke."

Hawke said softly, almost reverently. "Amell? Are you Rivka Amell's son?"

Edwyn expression went from surprised to guarded. "Yes, that is my mother's name. How did you know?"

"Because my mother is Leandra Amell Hawke, your mother's first cousin."

Edwyn was suddenly feeling a mix of shock and joy. _I am meeting a member of my family! Once I was in the Circle,_ _I never heard of my family ever again._ Without thought he pulled Hawke into a hug, at first she didn't respond, but then she hugged him tightly. Edwyn whispered, "Cousin, you're a dream come true."

He pulled away. "How is your mother?"

"She is fine, all things considered. Why don't you all come for dinner tonight? I know you'll be leaving tomorrow, as will we, but I'm sure that mother will want to meet you all, especially Edwyn. We don't have room in the house for you to sleep, but the barn is empty and the roof is solid." Hawke looked the woman. _Interesting choice of clothing, Hedge-witch, indeed._

"Forgive me, I'm Hawke, and you are?"

"Vaguely ill, but you may call me Morrigan."

Alistair ignored the witch. _To Morrigan Marnie introduced herself as 'Hawke.'_ "The Chanter's Board has a posting about bandits in three areas of Lothering. Marnie will help, which is good, because we should have more than one warrior."

Having defeated all three sets of bandits, and some bears, the small group headed back into Lothering. Alistair decided that he and Marnie would go to the Chantry, and Morrigan and Edwyn would go to Dane's Refuge to find out what the local rumors were. They agreed to meet back at the tavern.

When they arrived back at Dane's Refuge, two soldiers who looked like they were on the loosing side of a fight limped out and went towards the stables. Alistair, with Marnie following, jogged in to the tavern.

Hawke saw that Barlin was okay. Alistair looked to Morrigan and Edwyn. Standing next to them was a chantry sister, a well armed, chantry sister.

After Edwyn told them that _Regent_ Loghain was claiming that Wardens killed King Cailen, they knew they needed different armor, fortunately Hawke knew the merchants. Once that was done they spent the rest of the day convincing the Revered Mother to release a Qunari, named Sten, into the Warden's custody.

After Sten was released, Alistair looked at Marnie. "I doubt we should _all_ impose on your family for dinner. Why don't you take Edwyn? The rest of us will get food at the tavern and when it's time to camp we will go to your barn. Just give us me a map."

She tried to hide her disappointment. She had been hoping to spend some time with Alistair over dinner. _Maker!_ _I'm thinking like some addle-brained schoolgirl. He is a Grey Warden committed to fighting the Blight...but I feel like something precious is slipping through my fingers._

Alistair caught Marnie's expression. _I know nothing about her. Why do I feel as though I am loosing something special?_

Just before they parted ways, Hawke pulled out a small piece of parchment and drew the map to her house. She gave it to Alistair and smiled. "Knock on the door when you arrive so I can show you all to the barn."

When Hawke returned home with the news, Carver was furious that she invited strangers to their home, especially Wardens who are suspected regicides. He didn't care if one of them was their cousin. All through out dinner he was trying to figure out a way to get back at her for this. Upon seeing how eager his older sister was to see their guests to barn, he insisted she stay with mother and Bethany while _he_ tended to their guests.

Hawke, who wanted to ring Carver's neck, was thinking of stealing away later that night, but realized that she and Alistair each had other things they needed to do. Alistair's words echoed in her mind. ' _I was thinking of personal issues, and I no longer have the luxury of doing that.'_

In the barn, Alistair was trying to hide his disappointment at not seeing Marnie one more time. He knew from the way Carver acted, the he was the one responsible for her absence, not Marnie. He shook his head. _I am thinking of personal issues, and I no longer have the luxury of doing that._

 **~oOOo~**

 ** _20 Wintermarch_**

 ** _9:30_**

 _Redcliffe_

 _It has been a week since I met Marnie Hawke. Did you know she and Edwyn are cousins? Wait, why am I asking you? I don't know about this journal idea, but Edwyn assured me that it would help me work through problems, help me make decisions and then think back on them later. I never saw Duncan use one, but he had been a warden for almost 30 years, maybe he didn't need one. Shit, I do not want to think of Duncan right now._

… _where was I?_

 _Oh! Well that is one good thing about a journal: I can figure out where I was before my mind left for points unknown._

 _As I was going to say— how do I describe Marnie? Well she's beautiful, but it isn't that (well it is a small part). She was easy to talk to, at least after those first few bumbling words. She made me feel as if I would not be too hopeless as a leader, which is good because Edwyn refused to be commander. As we are the only two Wardens, that left me, Maker save us, I don't want to lose anyone. Well, except for Morrigan…no…no we need Morrigan, even if she is a colossal pain in the arse._

 _The horde came through Lothering faster than anyone expected. I hope and pray they escaped._

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

 _ **1 Drakonis, 9:30 Dragon.**_

 _Kirkwall_

 _Given the choice of staying at Uncle Gamlin's and staying in Darktown, I would take Darktown were it not for Beth and Mother. This is as good as it is going to be for a while. Oh, I forgot to mention: once we arrived, Gamlin sold Beth and I into indentured servitude to pay off the bribes needed to get us into Kirkwall. We are mercenaries now._

 _Why were bribes needed? Because Gamlin squandered the family fortune and estate, that's why. Gambling debts! I would gladly trade him to the slavers in return for the estate. Except they wouldn't want him either. How awful do you have to be that slavers wouldn't want you?_

 _Then there is Carver._

 _Loosing Carver was hard, especially as Mother blamed me. He was such an idiot, so dead set on being the man of the family, even though I regularly whipped his ass whenever we sparred. He never thought about his moves, he just fought. I couldn't stop him from charging that Ogre. I think Mother wishes that I had taken Carver's place. She doesn't say it of course, but well…maybe she's right. What the ogre did to Carver...it is too horrible to write about._

 _Speaking of Carver. It's been two months since I met Alistair, and I still cannot get him out of my mind. He just seemed so…human. Caring, kind, considerate, a real gentle man. Something of which there is a complete lack of in Kirkwall. I wonder how he is? Maker, please protect him. There are too few people in the world like him._

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

 _ **12 Justinian,**_

 _ **9:30**_

 _Redcliffe_

 _We found the burial place of Andraste's ashes, and the ashes cured Arl Eamon. It was awkward seeing the Arl again, but he was so grateful to Edwyn. Thank the Maker that Edwyn was able to save Connor (you might remember, I wrote about his being possessed). What am I thinking? You're just a journal, you have no memory!_

 _I have to admit though, aside from these occasional lapses, Edwyn was right. I don't think that I could have gotten us so far without this. Especially, dealing with the Dalish. I am really glad to have spent time talking with Zevran before we met them. He is a lascivious lech, but well schooled. Now we only have to go to Orzammar, and then back to Redcliffe._

 _Arl Eamon wants to put me forward as King. I flat out refused. He was decidedly unhappy. Somehow, I doubt he will support Loghain. Anora, fine, but his threats to support Loghain are empty. He would never do that. That I can even say that, is a testament to all of this journal writing._

 _The only thing I cannot get past, or one person I cannot work through is Marnie. She is in my dreams…those that don't feature darkspawn I mean…but those aren't dreams they are nightmares..._

 _Stop rambling!_

 _Marnie Hawke._

 _I still have no idea if she is alive or dead. Although, something inside me says she is alive. At first I thought it was just wishful thinking, but it's wasn't. It's like she is a part of me, somehow, which looks completely insane as I read this. But sometimes I see her in my dreams. There are dreams that are about her, which I will not put into writing! And there are dreams when I can see her. She seems sad, but alive._

 _I asked Edwyn about seeing people in dreams who aren't in your dream. He knew immediately that I was speaking of Marnie. So embarrassing! Anyway, he said that given my templar abilities I might be able to be aware while in the Fade, for very short times, during my dreams. I hope so, that means that she is still alive, but I wish that she wasn't so sad. I wonder what happened._

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

 _ **30 Firstfall, 9:30 Dragon**_

 _The Hanged Man_

 _I cannot stay in that hovel any longer! I don't know how Mother and Bethany stand it. Gamlin makes me want to beat the crap out of him every time he brings up money. Like his latest whinging about putting some coin towards food._ _I buy_ _the food._ _I buy_ _what Mother and Bethany need. The only inconvenience we are to Gamlin is that he can't get money out of us. I will be damned if I give him a single copper!_

 _Thank the Maker for Varric, though. Because of his connections were able to pay off the Red Iron a month early! Now we are taking jobs to raise enough money to invest in Varric and his brother's deep roads expedition. If it's successful we will have enough money to buy back the estate, then Mother and Bethany can live like nobility, and never want for money again._

 _We met a Grey Warden a week ago. My heart skipped a beat because. For a tiny moment, I thought he was Alistair. But Anders is a mage, tall, rangy, handsome, but not like Alistair. Anders is a healer who runs a clinic in Darktown. He seems to be a kind man and giving of his time. He heals people without accepting coin. But there is something about him (aside from being merged with a Spirit of Justice) that just seems off somehow._

 _Am I really comparing him to Alistair? Is that even fair?_

 _Alas, it doesn't seem to matter. I dream of Alistair, some are sweet, a few are a bit racy, but in my dreams I feel a tremendous amount of comfort simply being near him. It's like he helps me carry the emotional load that is my life in this shithole of a city. Which is ridiculous given that I knew him for what? Eight hours? Eight hours where we fought bandits, laughed over lunch, fought more bandits, and killed a few bears._

 _But, no matter what happens, it always comes back to how I felt when I was around him…_

 _I felt whole._

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

 _ **30 Wintermarch**_

 _ **9:31**_

 _Denerim._

 _Well it's over. Loghain gave the killing blow and went out a hero._

 _Edwyn and I were each given a boon. Edwyn wanted to free the Circle. I just wanted to leave Ferelden. Edwyn can be the Warden Commander now._

 _I am tired. Sparing Loghain was the hardest decision I had to make as a Commander. But given Howe's duplicitous actions, I realized that Loghain just wanted to save Ferelden. Did he retreat to save the army, or was it to kill Cailan? We'll never really know. But in the end, it was the best decision for the Blight. Any other feelings I had about him were because of the loss of the Wardens. Which, while not quite personal, was too personal to use in making my decision._

 _It also really helped that Riordan told us how the Archdemon is killed. Something you think Duncan would have mentioned. Having more than three of us trying to kill the Archdemon could only help. Plus, Loghain had to see, first hand, why wardens exist._

 _That was kind of gratifying..._

 _I think Anora is happy to have me leave Ferelden. Even though she knows I don't want the throne, others may push the issue. In fact, Anora was quite generous; I have enough coin to build a life anywhere._

 _The question of course is where? Edwyn told me that the Amells were nobility in Kirkwall and that Marnie and her family may have fled there. So, I have booked passage on a Rivani ship to Kirkwall._

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

 _ **30 Wintermarch, 9:31 Dragon.**_

 _Deep Roads_

 _Bartrand betrayed his brother, and us, by locking us in the room where we found that idol. Thankfully, we found a secret door and are now trying to find our way out of the DDR (Damned Deep Roads). We think we are now on the right path, but it will be at least week before we reach the surface. Anders really hates the DDR so I didn't have the heart to drag him along. We have Bethany who has offensive, defensive, and healing spells. Fenris is also with us. He has been amazing. The speed and strength he uses when wielding his broadsword is stunning, I know the lyrium tattoos help, but the rest is pure talent. Between Varric (with Bianca of course), Fenris, and me, Varric is keeping a count of our kills._

 _Unfortunately, the ogre I killed only counted as one!_

 _I know the Blight ended and that Loghain MacTir is the Hero of Ferelden. He and another senior warden died during the siege of Denerim. According to Varric's sources the original two wardens made it through alive._

 _Thank the Maker that Alistair is safe!_

 _I wonder, after we get back and mother and Bethany are settled in Hightown, if should I go back to Ferelden and find him?_

 _What would that be like? What am I saying? If he even remembers me, he would probably think I am some kind of stalker. Okay, I admit it, he should remember me, having Edwyn around would have been a good reminder. But it is daft of me to think that he feels what I do. Who am I? I've never been courted, or kissed, or…well…_

 _I have never felt for anyone what I feel for Alistair. A man I knew only for a day. Isabella met him, and agreed that he is a catch, but that he is a Warden first, last, and always. Maybe she's right, and I should just go to the Rose and get it over with._

 _No. Something is holding me back._

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

 _ **1 Drakonis**_

 _ **9:31**_

 _Kirkwall_

 _Well, I have finally settled in Kirkwall! Thanks to Anora and Edwyn, I retired from the Wardens. How that was accomplished I cannot even share with anyone…including you._

 _I know Marnie came to Kirkwall but was in the Deep Roads for a little over a month. I was going to look up her mother, but we never met, thanks to Carver. Having some stranger show up looking for her eldest daughter...not at all creepy…._

 _I found a small home in the area near Hightown. It means I am still in Lowtown (which will get its own entry) but in the better section. I could have bought a place in Hightown, but I would just stand out like a sore thumb! Can you see me among the nobility? Yes, if you could laugh you would. I know I did._

 _I don't have to work, but I refuse to sit on my arse and do nothing. I heard that the Guard Captain is a Fereldan refugee; I have an appointment to see her tomorrow._

 _I feel a sense of hope though, as if I am close to finding a part of me that has been missing for too long._

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

 _ **13 Drakonis, 9:31 Dragon.**_

 _Hightown_

 _Mother is settled into the mansion, there is still a lot of remodeling to do, but she doesn't seem to mind. I think it helps her take her mind off losing Bethany. In retrospect, taking her with us was a risk. I should have taken Anders. Why did I think of his well being and not of my baby sister's? That question has been torturing me since I put the dagger into Bethany's chest._

 _I talked to Varric about it. He is such a terrific friend. He made the point that Bethany wanted to do this with every fiber of her being. And that was true. Varric also told me that if I had left Bethany with Mother, Gamlin, he would have sold her to the Circle. I hadn't thought of that, but that is exactly what that snake would have done. I know Beth would rather be dead that be in Kirkwall's Circle. After what they did to Anders' lover, Karl…If they can make a harrowed mage Tranquil, what would they do to a lifetime apostate?_

 _Speaking of Varric, he sent me a formal invitation to dinner and drinks in his suite, tomorrow. As I'm there six days a week playing cards with everyone and drinking swill, I don't know why he sent me this invitation. Oh, wait. It's probably because of the whole being nobility in Hightown, ha ha ha. Well, I suppose I should formally accept._

 _I wish so much that I could return to Ferelden and find Alistair, to at least say goodbye. Carver didn't even let me do that much. Although, perhaps this is better because I don't want to say good-bye to him. I want him in my life, but how can I stop wanting the impossible?_

 _Anyway. Dinner at the Hanged Man tomorrow, I suppose I should dress the part, well as much as possible, some of the things the nobility in Kirkwall wear, yuck! And their hair!_

 **~oOOo~**

Alistair was in his house wearing his guardsmen light duty uniform. Writing…

 ** _14 Drakonis_**

 ** _9:31_**

 _I don't remember ever being this nervous. Captain Aveline has been wonderful helping me bring this about, her and Varric._

 _Varric…_

 _He and Oghren are both dwarves but that is where the similarities end. They are as different as chalk is from cheese (Kirkwall has quite a lot of good cheese, which is a relief). Varric is like the anti-Oghren. I will devote more time to Varric, later._

 _Anyway, Aveline and Varric both assured me that Marnie had not forgotten me. That is almost too good to be true. But what will I say when I see her? Perhaps 'Hello Marnie' would be enough, or should I call her Hawke? No. Everyone calls her Hawke and I am not everyone. I will call her Marnie, because that is who she has always been to me–Marnie Hawke._

 **~oOOo~**

Varric and Aveline were trying to calm Alistair's nerves. Varric made him drink a bit of brandy, and that helped take the edge off without making him tipsy.

"Are you sure she isn't going to look at me like I'm some stalker?"

"Alistair," Aveline began, "she will be surprised, but not upset."

"Golden Boy, from the first time I met Hawke, I knew there was someone in her heart. It was while we were in the Deep Roads that she told me about you."

Alistair chuckled at his nickname. "Why don't you have a nickname for Captain Aveline?"

"Because she scares the piss out of me."

"Varric! I do not."

"Maker, Varric. What about Bethany? I feel horrible for Marnie, should I mention it?"

"Just relax, I am sure you'll both figure it out. Hawke will be here soon, so go around the corner, and stay hidden."

A few minutes later there was a soft knock on Varric's door. When Varric opened it he was rendered, momentarily, speechless _._

Hawke wore a long sapphire blue dress. The color enhanced the eyes, and the neckline revealed her pale shoulders.

He cleared his throat. "Hawke, you look wonderful, glad you could make it."

Hawke curtsied. "Well Lord Varric, after such a kind invitation how could I refuse?"

Alistair heard her voice and was transported back to Lothering. His heartbeat sped up as he waited for his 'cue.'

Varric began to laugh. "Lady Hawke, please join me?" He held out his arm, Hawke smiled and took it. They entered his dining area where she saw Aveline.

"Ave, what are you doing here? Varric, what are you up to?"

He pulled out a chair for her and she sat down. She smiled at her two closest friends. "Ok you two, what's going on?"

Varric began. "Well Hawke, there is someone who has recently arrived in Kirkwall that we think you should meet."

"Yes, he is my best guardsman."

"Wait, you are trying to fix me up? Is that what this is all about?" Hawke laughed. "I love you two, but you realize this is crazy?" Then she sobered and said, sadly, "Besides, I…I really don't want to meet someone new."

While that wasn't his cue, Alistair emerged. "Then how about someone you've already met?"

Hawke's eyes were wide in surprise as she slowly stood up, putting her hand to her wildly beating heart. She whispered, "Am I dreaming?"

Alistair walked towards her and when he was close enough, he took her hand, kissed it and held it to his chest, then he slowly shook his head. "You're not dreaming. Hello, Marnie."

"Hello, Alistair. Or is it Guardsman Theirin?

He smiled and cupped his hand under her chin. "To you Marnie, it's Alistair, just Alistair." He leaned in and gently kissed her."

 **~oOOo~**

Marnie curled up in Alistair's arms and said, "I think giving each other our journals as an engagement gift was brilliant idea. Thank you for thinking of it, love. I learned so much more about you. You are an amazing man."

Alistair pulled her close. "Reading your journal was like looking into your soul, Marnie Theirin, and that is a beautiful place to be."


	2. Prologue

**Prologue**

It was just after lunch in late Harvestmere, 9:44 Dragon, and Marnie and Alistair were moving to their new home, a horse farm in the Arling of Redcliffe. Moving meant opening crates, long-stored away that were now stacked at the far end of the bedroom.

Marnie had a hand on her hip looking out over a small sea of crates. She was wearing an old tunic and britches with her black hair held back in a ponytail. "Well, it's time to decide what to keep, what to give away, and what to burn."

Alistair came up from behind and put his arms around her waist, laying his chin on her shoulder. "Ah, but who knows what treasures may be hidden inside?"

Marnie grinned. "Anything is possible. I barely remember packing them. It is amazing though how much stuff we had at the estate. Let's start with the ones closest to the desk and work towards the window. These first crates were the last boxes to come out of storage, so they were probably among the first to go in. Lily is in school for the afternoon so, let's get to it."

Alistair lightly kissed her shoulder. "I'm ready when you are, my love."

Marnie labeled three empty crates "Keep", "Give away", and "Burn".

From the first crate Marnie pulled out a shawl that was a particularly horrid shade of orange. She held it like it was a dead rat. "Maker, where did this come from? I never wore that." She looked at Alistair. "Did I?"

"No, Love. In fact, I doubt you've ever seen it before. That was the Shawl of Shame, worn by the first person at my groomsman party to throw up. He had to wear it for the rest of the night, and at the wedding."

"I don't remember seeing …wait…didn't I mention how bulky Sebastian's doublet looked?"

Alistair nodded, laughing. "He wore it under his doublet. When Varric protested, Seb said that we never specified that it had to be worn over our clothes. Sebastian had it cleaned and gave it to me as a keepsake."

Smiling, she carefully refolded it and put it in the Keep crate.

It was mid-afternoon when Marnie held up a packet of parchment. "Oh! Ali look!"

"Our journals? From _when_?"

She leafed through them. "These are from first few years after we married."

"Are there more?"

Marnie grinned and nodded. "Yes, all of our Kirkwall journals, and it looks like a few later ones."

Alistair got up and sat behind his wife, who leaned back against him. He put his arms around her. "Lily won't be back for another hour. Let's have a read."

"Ali, I love that you like reading these to each other."

"And I love you. So, where do we start?"

"How about our first anniversary?"

Alistair grinned. "Unless you are more graphic in your journaling than I am, they will be rather short entries. But a good place to start."

 **~/~/~/~**

 **AN:** And here too, is the official start to _13 years_. Many thanks to ElyssaCousland for her Beta skills. Any mistakes are mine and mine alone.


	3. A Good Place to Start

**A Good Place to Start**

 _ **16 Kingsway**  
 **9:32** _

_Marnie and I celebrated our one-year anniversary yesterday. It has been the happiest year of my life. I love that woman with all that I am. She is the air I breathe. We had a wonderful day and that is all I will say. You'll just have to imagine my grin._

 ** _16 Kingsway, 9:32 Dragon_**

 _We've been married for a year and I love that man more each day. How many of us get to marry our soulmate? Most don't even know they have one. The Maker smiled upon me when I met Alistair in Lothering._

 ** _~oOo~_**

"Ali, why do you leave out _Dragon_ when you write the date?"

He shrugged. " _I_ know it's the Dragon Age."

Marnie nodded. "Fair point. I love that you write in your journal like you are talking to a person. It can hear your voice in every entry."

 ** _~oOo~_**

 _ **23 Harvestmere**  
 **9:32** _

_Who names a quarry the Bone Pit? I know, I know, Tevinter does. They're also responsible for the Gallows. But the Hanged Man? Smetty's Fish Guttery? Kirkwallers are an odd lot._

 _Anyway, back to the Bone Pit…my wife…I love writing that…received a note suggesting she speak to 'an Orlesian merchant in Hightown' who was having a problem with his miners. There is only one Orlesian merchant in Hightown - Hubert, an obnoxious individual who boasts of once selling a seat cushion to Empress Celene. Among the guard we call him The Imperial Bum Warmer._

 _Marnie agreed to investigate the mine and found the miners trapped and the tunnels filled with dragons of varying ages, including one tough adult dragon. Jansen, the foreman, managed to find a place for everyone to hide, hoping (but apparently not hopeful) that Hubert would send help._

 _Of course Hew-BEAR, as Marnie pronounces it, hemmed and hawed about payment because most of his money is invested in the mine. Marnie and I talked about it and spoke to Hubert. We now own 50% of the Bone Pit._

 _Yes, I did find out why it's called the Bone Pit. No, you don't want to know how it got its name._

 **~oOOo~**

"You never mentioned Hubert's nickname. I have to admit Imperial Bum Warmer is pretty good." Marnie sighed. "Remember how unsure I was about reopening the mine?"

"How could I forget...

 ** _... ... ... ... ... ... ... ..._** ** _... ... ... ... ._** ** _... ... ... ... ._** ** _... ... ... ... ._**

 _...For the last five minutes Marnie had been buttering a muffin. Alistair placed his hand on the one that held the butter knife. "Love, I doubt Orana's muffins need a half-round of butter."_

 _Marnie started. "Oh! Sorry." She put down the muffin and knife._

" _What's wrong?"_

 _Marnie frowned. "I have a bad feeling about reopening the mine."_

 _Concerned, Alistair looked at his wife. "Anything specific?... I mean aside from its horrid name and the thinning veil?"_

 _Marnie smiled. "How do you do that?"_

" _Do what?"_

" _Manage to both take me take me seriously and make me laugh?"_

" _That's what I'm here for. To be your partner in all things and comfort you with witty one-liners. Now, what is bothering you about the mine?"_

" _You've dealt with dragons. Have you ever seen dragonlings, drakes, and mature dragons without a high dragon nearby?"_

" _Well aside from Archie, I've only encountered one other high dragon. We were in Haven, fighting an insane dragon cult. There were dragon eggs, hatchlings, drakes, and such. There was a high dragon - between us and the temple."_

 _Marnie shook her head. "I am not sending Jansen and the men back to that mine until I'm sure that there is no high dragon, or if there is one, that it's dead." She scraped some of the butter off the muffin. "I wonder if Varric and the crew are up for dragon hunting."_

" _I know I am."_

 _Marnie frowned, but before she could speak, Alistair put his finger to her lips. "No arguments." He took his finger away and grinned. "Besides, how many high dragons have_ you _killed?"_

 _She chuckled. "Good point. Will Aveline give you the time off?"_

" _I think she will be quite happy not to have a high dragon near Kirkwall, not to mention having a productive mine providing work for Fereldan refugees"..._ ** _. ... ... ..._** ** _... ... ... ... ._** ** _... ... ... ... ._** ** _.._** ** _... ... ... ... ... ... ... ..._**

 ** _27 Harvestmere, 9:32 Dragon_**

 _I am so glad we went back to the mine. As I suspected, there was a high dragon. Thank the Maker for Ali, both for his sword arm and for his experience fighting these beasts. I do have to say, watching him fight… I didn't let him out of bed until the following afternoon._

 _Now it's safe for Jansen and the men. Having a safe place to work, good wages, and regular-length shifts increases morale, which increases productivity; at least, that is how I was taught. However, many here in Kirkwall seem to hold to the adage 'The beatings will continue until morale improves.'_

 _Hubert favors the latter method, as long as someone else does the beating. Which I suppose is what he expected me to do. He is quite unhappy about my changes, especially the wages. He keeps arguing with me, saying it is going to ruin him._

 _Frustrated, Ali and I appealed to his greedy nature and bought out his share. We will send most of the profit from the mine to Lirene._

 _ **27 Harvestmere**  
 **9:32** _

_Marnie and I petitioned the Viscount to change the name of the mine. I asked Jansen what the men wanted to call it. Fortunately, Dumar signed-off on the name before Bran reviewed it (thank you, Varric)._

 _We are now proud owners of the For Anora Mine and Quarry; The official spelling however is the Foranora Mine and Quarry._

 _Bran can't change it because he would have to tell Dumar that he'd been fooled. The insufferable seneschal was so mad his face matched his hair…_

 **~oOOo~**

"I'm glad we wrote to Anora's Chancellor about it. Apparently Anora loved having a Kirkwall mine named in her honor." Marnie chuckled.

Alistair nodded. "She was very good to the crew when they retired from mining. They wanted to return to Ferelden. She made Jansen a bann, and gave farm holds the rest of them."

Marnie opened another packet. "This is from 9:33. We seemed to have stored these in an orderly fashion."

"You mean as opposed to the 'quick, scoop it up and toss in a crate' method we adopted sometime later in the in storage process?"

Marnie rolled her eyes. "At least, the crates aren't labeled 'Bedroom, behind Alistair's chair.'"

Alistair looked over the various crates. "Actually, there is one labeled 'Stuff stacked under the writing desk.'"

After a good laugh, Marnie looked at the candle. "We need to stop for now; Lily will be back in a candle mark or so."

After Lily went to bed, Alistair brought the crate of journals to the sofa so they could sit in front of the fire and read.

 **~oOOo~**

 ** _31 Haring  
9:33_**

 _Aside from finding a wedding ring on a woman's severed hand, 9:33 was a quiet year._

 _I know…I thought I could just sneak that one in and be done with it. But I can hear Edwyn's_ _voice: "Never keep the hard stuff inside. That is what the journal is for!"_

 _So here goes:_

 _Ghyslain de Carrac had been looking for his missing wife, Ninette. He was worried that his in-laws would think he had done something to her. Given the things he said, I could see why his wife would want to run away. But there was something else in his eyes. He had loved this woman once, and he was afraid for her._

 _I mentioned this to Aveline and she rolled her eyes. Yes I know, she does that a lot. She wasn't going to devote any guard-time for this unless additional evidence came to light. I forbore saying that if we didn't investigate, exactly how would new evidence come to light?_

 _Anyway._

 _When I was off-duty, Marnie and I followed leads from a templar named Emeric. They led us to a foundry where I saw a mage run into one of the upstairs rooms. Demons appeared before we could give chase. Of course, by the time we were able to get upstairs he was gone. But lying in pool of blood was a severed hand wearing the wedding ring Ghyslain described._

 _Marnie gave the ring to Ghyslain with her sympathy, but did not give him the details. Afterwards we told Aveline. The Captain said it was enough to investigate, but she gave the case to Bryn and Garron, who have no experience with magic-related crime or blood mages. I was effectively banned from the case._

 _So aside from_ that, _9:33 was a quiet year._

 **~oOOo~ _  
_**

Marnie looked at her husband. "There were times during those first years when I was so angry at how Ave ran the guard."

"She did get the hang of it."

"For which I am truly thankful, otherwise I doubt we'd still be friends. So, onto 9:34?"

"We can skip those if you want?"

Marnie snuggled next to Alistair, "No. I think it would be good to read some of these. I don't think I have since I wrote them."


	4. A Grave Mistake

**A Grave** **Mistake** _ **  
**_

 _ **AN at the bottom  
**_

 _ **9 Guardian, 9:34 Dragon**_

 _Sebastian is now the Prince of Starkhaven, and it is about time! A year and a half ago we discovered that Johanne Harriman was behind the murders and coup, but Sebastian couldn't decide between being a brother or being a Prince._

 _He stayed in this cocoon of indecision for a whole year. Alistair tried to appeal to his sense of duty. Aveline told him that a stable, well-governed Starkhaven was critical for the Free Marches. Varric told him to shit or get off the pot._

 _About three months ago, I'd had enough. I went to him at the chantry, and as Elthina stood nearby, I laid into him._

" _Why are you being a coward? And don't give me the same tripe:" I aped Seb's brogue, 'I was jealous of my brothers and wanted what they had, and now they're gone.' Blah, blah, blah._

" _The hard truth, Sebastian, is that your family isn't coming back, you cannot change the past, and Starkhaven hasn't been frozen in time while you hide here in the shadow of Andraste spewing cowardly nonsense! Your people are being ruled by a simpleton who was complicit in the massacre of your family, their rightful rulers!"_

 _I was a relentless bitch._

 _The expression on Sebastian's face…he was shocked that I could deliver such a diatribe. Later Elthina described his expression as "if a butterfly had suddenly turned into an ogre."_

 _Then he came up with another lame excuse: he didn't know if he was doing this because it's right or because of hubris._

 _I was about to tear my hair out, when Elthina of all people rallied to my side. "Only one who is humble worries about falling prey to hubris, Sebastian. Hawke is right. It is time your subjects had a sovereign that will care for them and lead them."_

 _Sebastian and I looked to Elthina. We were both dumbfounded at her response._

 _He looked at both of us and slowly nodded his head. "Aye, it's past time."_

 _It didn't take him long to retake Starkhaven._

 _And I still have no idea why Elthina sided with me._

 **~oOOo~**

"Are you sure you want to keep reading?"

Marnie looked at the upcoming dates. "Hold me?"

"Always."

"Then, yes."

 **~oOOo~**

 _ **1 Drakonis  
9:34.**_

 _Yesterday, Bryn and Garron, based on information from Emeric, set up a raid on the home of Gascard DuPris, an Orlesian nobleman. Bryn, Garron, Aveline, and I carried out the raid._

 _We found nothing—like he would hide the bodies in his spare room! —and were left with an enraged Orlesian nobleman. However, this man was also a blood mage, I could practically smell it on him. I told Aveline this and that we should question him as he may know more about the crimes. She said that if he was a blood mage then it was a matter for the templars not the city guard._

 _ **2 Drakonis, 9:34 Dragon**_

 _Alistair told me about DuPris. I wrote to Meredith about it. Her response? 'Emeric has been reprimanded for causing this embarrassment' and that I should 'stay out of it.'_

 _Yep. Wrong thing to say. If Knight-Commander Meredith tells me to stay out of something, I become like a mabari with a bone. Aveline wanted Emeric to stop his investigation because the DuPris raid was an 'embarrassment for the city guard.'_

 _I went to see Emeric at the Gallows and he told me why he suspected DuPris. I told him that Alistair was convinced he was a blood mage, but he was not the mage we saw at the foundry._

 _I took Varric, Anders, and an irritable Aveline back to DuPris's estate. We rescued Lady Alessa, who DuPris had kidnapped as part of a blood magic ritual to trap this killer. DuPris says this man murdered his sister, along with Ninnette de Carrac, and Emeric's friend Mheren._

 _I told him that if he'd tracked the killer to Kirkwall, then he must know more about him. If he would tell us, then we could work together to capture the bastard before he struck again._

 _When he rejected our offer of help, Aveline moved to arrest him._

 _She might have been able to if we'd had Ali with us. He is the only guard with templar abilities, and she'd banned him from the case. We ended up having to kill DuPris, and whatever information he had he took to the void with him._

 _Later, I told Ave that Emeric had also been killed. She told me, in no uncertain terms, that the investigation was over._

 _Between Meredith and Dumar, Aveline seems to be running around in circles. I wish she would let me or Ali help, but she is just as stubborn as I am._

 _I fear that not being able to interrogate DuPris will turn out to be a grave mistake._

 _ **18 Drakonis  
9:34 **_

_Leandra is dead._

 _She was murdered by the same man who had killed the other women; an insane blood mage named Quentin. Why did he do it? Because Leandra looked like his dead wife. Yes, that's what he said. He had… no I won't write about that…All I will write is that the City-Guard failed, and I failed. It was the mage who took Ninette, it was the mage I saw at the foundry, it was the mage that Marnie said Du Pris was looking for._

 _Leandra was a warm, wonderful woman. She welcomed me to the family with open arms. I will miss her. She was like a mother to me, and I've never had that before._

 _Marnie is inconsolable. She's blaming herself for not asking to meet Leandra's new suiter (who turned out to be Quentin). I told her that there was nothing she could have done. I told her to blame me for not challenging Aveline when we raided DuPris's estate. Perhaps if I had been able to question him we would have known more, maybe have found him in time._

 _I held Marnie in my arms as she sobbed. She wept for her mother, for Carver, for Bethany, and then she just sobbed until she began to have the dry heaves. At that point I asked Orana to get Anders. He gave Marnie something so she would sleep._

 _Later, Anders and I were having a much needed drink. Then Gamlen arrived. I'd already told him about Leandra (none of the details), but he was drunk and began to rant about how it was Marnie's fault. That she should have watched out for her mother. When he started to blame Marnie for Carver and Bethany, I punched him in the jaw and warned him to stay away from my wife._

 _Anders refused to fix his jaw._

 _ **18 Drakonis, 9:34 Dragon**_

 _Mother is dead._

 _ **19 Drakonis, 9:34 Dragon**_

 _Mother's pyre was today._

 _ **20 Drakonis**_

 _ ***ink spot***_

 _ **21 Drak**_

 **~oOOo~**

Alistair held Marnie close. "How are you doing?"

"I'm okay, really. So, _you_ were the reason for Gamlen's broken jaw?"

Alistair nodded sheepishly.

"Good. It was actually a blessing in disguise. He wasn't able to go to the Rose for a while, so he saved some money. Charade helped him sober up and use the money to fix up his house."

 **~oOOo~**

 **AN:** Thank you to Melysande for her review and to ElyssaCousland my wonderful Beta. Any mistakes are mine. BioWare, as usual, owns all.


	5. An Even Dozen

**An Even Dozen**

 _ **3 Bloomingtide, 9:34 Dragon**_

 _Before mother passed…just writing that makes me want to curl back into a ball, but Alistair managed to get me going again.  
_

 _Before mother passed, Anders had mentioned that among the refugees was a group of orphaned Fereldan children. They lived in Darktown, and a mage named Evelina had been trying to take care of them._

 _Ali knows me so well. He suggested that we see Anders in the morning, find these children, and see what we can do to help. Naturally, it requires leaving the house, which I have been reluctant to do since the pyre…Well, honestly, not reluctant. I have flat out refused to leave the house._

 _I have a very patient husband._

 _I wonder if we could bring the children here? We could work to find good families who will provide them with love and a home._

 _ **5 Bloomingtide  
9:34 **_

_Seeing Marnie full of purpose and energy is a joy._

 _Yesterday, Anders took us to Evelina, who had been caring for the children while avoiding templars. Evelina is a mage on the ragged edge, primed for the next demon to offer 'help.'_

 _There are ten children: 6 girls and 4 boys. Two of the girls are twins, and all ten are now staying with us at the estate. For now, the girls are in Leandra's suite and the boys are in the guest room._

 _The Maker (if he exists at all) works in mysterious ways. You would never guess, but we knew one of the boys! He goes by the name of Cricket, now, but he was the little boy we met in Lothering who was looking for his mother._

 _At the time, Marnie and I'd feared that his mother was Goodwife Sarha, the woman whose pendent we'd found. Cricket (he doesn't want to be called by his real name) confirmed that it was his mother, and a chantry sister had given him the pendent, which he still has._

 _ **5 Bloomingtide, 9:34 Dragon**_

 _I think Mother would be happy having the girls staying in her suite._

 _We found Evelina and the children just in time. Evelina was just this side of giving in._

 _It was heartbreaking seeing them living in the Darktown squalor. The two eldest, Walter and Siobhan, just barely in their teens, have been taking care of the other eight children's day-to day needs and keeping a close eye on the group._

 _Alistair and I recognized one of the boys. He was the child in Lothering looking for his mother; his name is Colin, but he goes by Cricket now. He remembered us and ran to hug me. That pretty much broke the ice with the kids._

 _In addition to Walter and Siobhan, there is Millie, Seana, Min, Alia and Cailyn who are twins, and Cricket, Aiden, and Jake._

 _We brought them to Anders' clinic and talked with them while Anders treated their various injuries. He also made tonics to nip colds in the bud._

 _I didn't have the heart to leave the children in Darktown. I looked at Alistair. He nodded just as if he'd read my mind, then he smiled._

 _His smile is like sunshine. No darkness can withstand that smile._

 _I asked them if they would consider staying with Alistair and me. And if they wanted, let us try to find loving families to adopt them. They were stunned. The children, save for Cricket, could not understand why we would do this. One of the older girls, Millie, who is 9, was direct, and asked what was in this for us? Considering what these children have been through, it wasn't an unreasonable question._

 _I told them that we care because we love children and hate the injustices in Kirkwall. There is nothing in this for us, save caring for them._

 _Millie considered what I said and then she just nodded._

 _We spent all of yesterday and today getting them healed (Anders even got rid of the lice), clothed, and fed._

 _The house has never felt so alive._

 _ **10 Bloomingtide, 9:34 Dragon**_

 _We've finished setting up the bedrooms for the kids._

 _We have one guest suite. It has one master bedroom and a separate garderobe and two attached servant's rooms (two bedrooms with a shared garderobe). I remember being puzzled about it when we moved in. According to mother, while there are separate servant's quarters for the house staff (Bodhan, Sandal, and Orana), visitors needed servant quarters attached their own suite for their own servants._

 _I wanted Walter and Siobhan to each have their own room and asked if they would object to using the servant quarters. They were both thrilled to have a space of their own. A place Siobhan said, "Where they could simply be."_

 _As a result, Aiden, Cricket, and Jake were sharing the guest suite. Siobhan and Walter are using the attached servant quarters. The girls have more than enough room in mother's suite that has a bedroom and a small study which we converted to a bedroom that is shared by Millie and Seana._

 _Thank the Maker that Orana loves cooking for a crowd. Siobhan and Aiden also like helping in the kitchen, which makes the job a little easier._

 _ **14 Bloomingtide  
9:34**_

 _Marnie has the estate organized and we are able to wash, clothe, and feed 10 children._

 _I'm glad Orana likes to cook, because these children's appetites could match a warden. Although I seem to be less ravenous these days._

 _I love Marnie._

 _I know, I know, you already know that, but I don't care._

 _I LOVE MARNIE!_

 _She is stubborn, occasionally temperamental, but she laughs at all my jokes._

 _She swings a mean broadsword and can decapitate someone in a single swing._

 _She can get a group of (lovable) misfits: Varric, Aveline, Izzy, Merrill, Anders, and Fenris, to work as a team._

 _She knows when to let me complain and when to kick me in the arse._

 _And she is a natural with the kids. They all adore her. I wish I could give her children. She's never brought it up, because when she first met Anders, he told her about the taint as well as all the other Grey Wardens secrets. Which is just as well. Telling her about the Calling would have been extremely painful. Please, give me those 30 years._

 _I am a royal bastard, and a damned lucky one._

 **~oOOo~**

Alistair hugged Marnie. "That was a crazy, busy month."

"Yes, it was. Remember our code?"

Alistair arched an eyebrow. "Shall we go to bed?"

Marnie grinned. "It was either 'Yes' or 'Yes, I really need some sleep.'"

"You rarely said that you needed the sleep."

Marnie gave Alistair a wicked smile. "Shall we go to bed?"

He whisked her into his arms; his voice deep and husky. "Why, yes, yes we should."

 **~oOOo~**

 **AN** : Thanks as always to you who read, and to ElyssaCousland for being my beta. BioWare owns all.


	6. Thriving Children and Bad Weirdness

**Thriving Children and Bad Weirdness**

 _ **6 Justinian, 9:34 Dragon**_

 _The children are thriving. The gaunt-haunted look is slowly being replaced by pink cheeks, dimples, and smiles._

 _Ali is terrific with the kids._

 _Millie, Seana, Jake, and Aiden had a mud fight with Ali. They were all grinning while covered in so much mud it was hard to tell who (if anyone) won. Orana and I had to pour water over them before they could step foot inside._

 _My husband also has tea parties with Min, Calia, and Alia. Siobhan taught the girls how to hold pretend tea parties so there was something they could play when in hiding. Evelina would hide them near the sewers, and set up magical wards whenever any of the various Darktown predators were near their area._

 _The first time they played tea party here, they used a pretend tea service. Ali was sitting cross-legged on the floor pretending to hold a tea cup, joining the girls in a serious conversation about pretty flowers. Ali bought them a tea service, appropriate for young children, and now he attends weekly tea parties with the girls (Orana bakes cookies for each party)._

 _How can you not love a man who would who would do that?_

 _He recently started training Walter to use a sword and shield. Walter has always wanted to be a warrior, but never had the opportunity to train. Ali says he's a natural._

 _ **7 Justinian, 9:34 Dragon**_

 _Cricket likes to spend a lot of one-on-one time with me and with Alistair. He comes along when I visit with Merrill in the alienage, and when I go to the Viscount's Keep to see Aveline. During one of our first visits, Saemus Dumar gave Cricket a tour of the Keep, and even let Cricket sit on the Viscount's throne (although that has to remain secret). On days when Ali is training guard-recruits, he and Walter go with him. Cricket goes because he likes seeing Alistair at work, and Walter goes to watch and learn more about swordsmanship._

 _He especially likes having Alistair or I read to him. Before the Blight, he'd begun to learn his letters, so we are teaching him how to read. He didn't want to go the Chantry, where Elthina has arranged tutoring for Alia, Calia, and Jake - Min and Aiden being too young. He finds the Kirkwall Chantry to be a bit scary. Hardly surprising given the chantry's overly militaristic, and frankly dyspeptic-looking statue of Andraste._

 _Cricket has a quick mind and broad interests: So far we've read Dane and the Werewolf (He was awestruck when Ali told him of the werewolves in the Bracilian Forest); The History of the Fifth Blight; The Stone Hall of the Dwarves; The History of the Grey Wardens of Ferelden; and In the Pursuit of Knowledge: The Travels of a Chantry Scholar, in which we read about the Dalish and city elves and about the Chantry. Thankfully, Elthina has also been exceedingly generous in allowing us to borrow the books from the Chantry library._

 _Then Cricket got his hands on Ines Arancia's Botanical Compendium. He loves growing things, something else he started to learn before the Blight. I'm thankful that Merrill can help him plant things in our yard because I have a black thumb, and Ali says that he has no thumbs._

 **~oOOo~**

Marnie grinned proudly. "Cricket was an exceedingly well-read young man."

Alistair chuckled. "His hands always held a book or a garden trowel, sometimes both."

"He is doing amazing work at the _Université_. He's really moving forward with his research on speeding the recovery of tainted soil. I know Ferelden would benefit from that. Can you imagine what the Anderfels would be like if they could actually grow food again?"

Alistair smiled wryly. "Perhaps decent food would improve the disposition of the Wiesshaupt wardens."

"Love, even if they have amazing food, those wardens would still be full of shit."

After a hearty laugh Alistair looked at the date of the next entries and held Marnie close as they began to read.

 **~oOOo~**

 _ **10 Justinian  
9:34 **_

_You remember Kendrick? You know, the smarmy bastard I've referred to periodically for the last three years? Okay, there have been other smarmy bastards I've mentioned. This is the one who is, or was, a guardsman._

 _Anyway._

 _We all knew Kendrick was a bloody rotter. Donnic wrote him up twice last year._

 _Over a month ago the bastard forced himself on a young elven woman. He should have been arrested and kicked out of the guard, but apparently, we're short of guardsman. When the assault was reported, Aveline said she would look into it._

 _Two days ago the victim's brothers killed Kendrick because nothing had been done. Either Aveline didn't have the time to look into it, or if she had, she didn't do a thorough job._

 _You know that I respect Ave, but she is pulled between Meredith, Dumar, and the nobility. She needs to delegate. She needs to create a structure that will make delegation easier. I had to learn that during the Blight. Being in charge doesn't mean doing everything yourself! I keep hoping Donnic will step in, but maybe I should? What do you think?_

 _Yes, I think so, too._

 _ **18 Justinian, 9:34 Dragon**_

 _Of all the things for Isabella to steel from the Qunari, she steals the tome written by Koslun, who is their most revered philosopher!_

 _Damn her! She shipped out and escaped Kirkwall with the book. Without the book, they cannot go home, and there is a limit to how long the Arishok can tolerate the chaos that is Kirkwall. Now, I need to tell him about Isabella's actions. It's not like he doesn't already know, but I am doing it out of respect. To top things off, Aveline is coming with me because she is going to ask him to turn over the brothers who killed Kendrick. They took matters into their own hands because nothing had been done, and have now converted to the Qun. Aveline is furious. I'm with Alistair: I'd give the brothers a medal._

 _I have a bad feeling about this._

 _ **18 Justinian  
9:34 **_

_Aveline said the brothers who murdered Kendrick have joined the Qun to 'escape justice,' and she wants them handed over to the guard._

 _Escape justice, isn't that a load of tripe? If we arrest them, Dumar will execute them. That's what passes for justice for elves in Kirkwall. First, those boys should be given a medal for sending Kendrick to the void. Second, I know from Sten, and now from Marnie, that in the Qun they will have a purpose, meaning, and respect. All a damn sight better than the Kirkwall alienage can offer._

 _Aveline plans to go with Marnie to see the Arishok. When I told her the whole story, Marnie was appalled by what Aveline wanted to do._

 _I have a bad feeling about this._

 **~oOOo~**

Dropping the journal back into the box, Alistair looked determined. "That's it! From now on 'I have a bad feeling about this' means 'Get off your ass because bad weirdness is headed our way.'"

Marnie nodded grinning. "I like it. It's simple and straight to the point. Bad weirdness really captures the essence of the kind trouble we get into."

 **~oOOo~**

 **AN:** Thank you to my Beta ElyssaCousland. She, like my previous betas, is a patient soul who has to forge their way through my wilderness of misplaced commas.

Any errors are mine **.**

I credit the term "bad weirdness" to the late Hunter S. Thompson _The Curse of Lono_. Taschen, 2006.


	7. Command Decisions

**Command Decisions**

 _ **21 Justinian  
9:34**_

 _Thank the Maker for Anders. Marnie is recovering. She's furious, but recovering. The Qunari have left for Par Vollen (after Isabella brought back the damned book)._

 _There are so many emotions going through me right now that it's hard to sort them out. But that's why I still write in you…and to you._

 _Where do I start?_

 _First, Marnie dueled the Arishok. When I heard her agree to the duel, the bottom dropped out of my world. Marnie was, once again, putting herself in harm's way. This time all I could do was watch._

 _I have never felt so damned helpless in my life! Not even the days following Ostagar could match the fear, helplessness, and rage that tore through my soul as I stood in the throne room._

 _I am furious with Isabella for stealing the relic, with Fenris for suggesting the duel, and with Aveline for unwittingly setting this confrontation into motion._

 _I_ _was_ _angry with Marnie for putting Kirkwall ahead of us. But as I watched the duel, I was reminded of just how amazing a warrior she is and how capable she was of winning this fight. I think my anger at Marnie was driven by my fear, and my fear was in-part due to my underestimating my wife's ability and courage. For that, I feel ashamed. Marnie still doesn't understand why I kept apologizing._

 _The Qunari were leaving, and the Arishok's corpse was cooling on the throne room floor when Meredith stalked into the room. When she was told what happened, she proclaimed Marnie as Kirkwall's new champion._

 _No, I have no idea if there had been a previous champion._

 _After that, Marnie, the brave and stubborn woman I adore, walked out of the throne room under her own power, and on her own two feet. We were just at the top of the stairs when she collapsed into my arms. As I whisked her home, Anders began healing her._

 _Yesterday, Marnie and I had asked Merrill and Varric if they could come over today and keep an eye on the kids, just in case things with the Qunari went to shit._

 _At the estate, it sounded like everyone was having a grand time in the cellar. Whatever was happening, it involved peals of young laugher, magic, and Bianca. It also allowed me to get Marnie into the house and upstairs without any of them seeing her._

 _I hope I can avoid seeing Aveline for a few days._

 _I am…I need…I want… Aveline to do her damned job and delegate to others. I don't want my family, or the people of Kirkwall, to suffer from the City Guard dropping the ball. Never again! I will speak with Aveline about this, and it won't be a friendly chat. It will be Sergeant Alistair speaking with Captain Aveline. I will be putting my job on the line to do this, but I don't care._

 _ **21 Justinian, 9:34 Dragon**_

 _If I hadn't killed that High Dragon, I would have cheerfully fed it Izzy, Aveline, and maybe Fenris too ~~~ Damn! That is the third fucking quill I've broken. Okay, no writing until I am less angry…although that might not be until Harin~~~. Damn! That's the 4_ _th_ _quill._

 _ **6 Solace  
9:34**_

 _I finally have an appointment with Aveline for tomorrow morning. I would have done it earlier, however a large Qunari Arishok decided to try and convert the people of Kirkwall. The city was kind of a mess and I was kind of busy._

 _Okay, the city was really a mess and I was really busy…so there!_

 **~oOOo~**

Marnie put the packet back in the box and slipped into bed. "You never wrote or spoke of what went on in that meeting, but whatever you did, it seemed to work."

"It did," he kissed Marnie on the forehead, "and I'm still not telling you what was said."

Marnie pouted and Alistair kissed her silly, making her forget all about Aveline and everything else.

Later, as a sleeping Marnie lay curled up against him, Alistair's thoughts drifted to that meeting with Aveline…'

 **… … … … …** **… … … … …** **… … … … …** **… … … … …**

… _Aveline sat behind her desk, and gestured for Alistair to sit down. "So, why did you want to have such a formal meeting?"_

" _Because what I have to say is important, and it's coming from your sergeant, not your friend."_

 _Aveline furrowed her brow. "That sounds ominous. Alright…Sergeant Theirin, what is it that you need to discuss?"_

" _Captain Aveline, cases fell through the cracks because you were, and still are, being pulled in too many directions."_

 _Aveline sat back and crossed her arms in front of her chest. "What cases do you believe fell through the cracks?"_

" _Quentin and Kendrick."_

" _Are you going to blame me for Leandra's death and the Qunari attack?"_

" _No, but your actions contributed to it. You, and by extension the city-guard, are culpable in both cases."_

" _Pray tell, what actions of mine are your referring to?_

" _You considered Ninette de Carrac's disappearance to be a domestic dispute, and decided that your guardsmen didn't have time to deal with it. You closed the case until more evidence turned up. Exactly how that would have been possible without further investigation, I don't know._

" _Yes, the guard are spread thin, but that's because we're not strategically used. If we had a proper command structure, you would have delegated this case to a lieutenant or sergeant, and given them the authority to carry out an investigation, and find a resolution._

" _When Marnie and I found Ninette's severed hand, and discovered that a blood mage was involved, you assigned two city-guards who aren't sergeants and have no experience investigating magic-related crimes. Shall I go on?"_

" _Please do." Aveline said angrily._

" _Captain, I am the only city-guard with templar abilities, and significant experience with blood mages. Instead of using me, you punished me for my off-duty investigation by taking me off the case. I get it that you believe it was insubordinate. Even so, you put my insubordination ahead of the needs of the investigation."_

" _I involved you in the raid of the estate! Which, may I remind you, turned up nothing. What would you have had me do?"_

" _I told you at the time that DuPris was a blood mage. That alone should have been sufficient to take him into custody and question him. I could have drained his mana, making the arrest much easier. I should have tried harder to convince you and that was my error. You cow-towed to that Orlesian maleficar and the Knight-Commander when you closed the investigation. Later, you asked Marnie to quiet Emeric because the guard was embarrassing itself. We lost our only connection to that monster and Leandra paid the price!"_

" _Are you saying that I cannot do my job?"_

" _No. I'm saying that you are doing too many jobs. You are Captain of the Guard, not Captain_ _ **and**_ _ **a**_ _guard. I know that you were dealing with a Viscount who withheld resources, and a Knight Commander who wouldn't lend you her Templars. But dealing with Meredith and with the political situations in Kirkwall as they affect the security of this city is your job. Investigating and following through on reports and cases is not."_

" _Since you are such an authority on what my job is, tell me what you think I should do to solve this supposed problem?"_

" _Delegate. We have quite a few guardsmen, but only a handful of sergeants. We have only one lieutenant, which is clearly not enough because you're trying to do the job of a lieutenant, in addition to being the Captain. You cannot do that, no one can. You need a command structure that would free you to deal with the Dumars and the Merediths."_

" _Are you finished?"_

" _No. there's still the matter of Kendrick and the Qunari. We all knew that Dumar and the Chantry were butting heads over the Qunari and you were in the thick of it, which is where the Captain should be. However, when the victim's brothers reported the crime, you said you'd look into it. You should have delegated it, or at minimum suspended Kendrick without pay. You did nothing - or if you did, it clearly wasn't enough._

" _The brothers saw nothing had been done, so they took the law into their own hands. I know you don't want to encourage vigilantism. But if we don't do our jobs, then we are encouraging people to do it for us. Don't you ever wonder why Marnie is asked to involve herself in things that would normally be the job of the city guard?"_

 _Aveline sighed and slowly nodded her head._

" _Then, once the Arishok took the brothers in, you should have let it go."_

 _Aveline remained silent._

 _Alistair leaned forward, his tone was less severe. "Aveline, I was the Commander of the Grey in Ferelden, and you know what we accomplished there. I know what I'm talking about. Tell me I'm wrong?"_

 _Aveline slumped in her chair and looked up towards the ceiling. "You're not wrong." She looked back to Alistair. "When I was being trained to be Captain of the Guard, most of the training involved the history of Kirkwall, how to deal with the nobility, protocols and procedures for dealing with the Viscount, the Chantry, and the Knight-Commander. I should have realized that being Captain of the Kirkwall City Guard meant not being a guardsman._

" _You're right. My job is to fight for resources and try to work with the leaders of the City. Right now, dealing with the Knight-Commander is taking all of my time." She stood up and smiled at Alistair. "As painful as it is to hear of my failures, I'm glad you came. Let's meet again next week and see what we can do about the structure of the guard."_

 _Alistair crossed his arms and bowed in salute. "Same day and time?"_

" _Same day and time."_

 **… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …**

 **AN: Thanks to Melysande and Judy for their reviews. Speical thanks to ElyssaCousland my beta!**


	8. Family of Five

**Family of Five**

 ** _8 August, 9:34 Dragon_**

 _I asked Prince Sebastian and Aveline to put out discrete inquiries about families that may want to adopt a child – or twins, in the case of Alia and Cailyn. Ali and I learned as much as we could from the children, especially how they ended up in Kirkwall. Anders has been a fountain of information for Ali and I as we learn how to help the children begin to grieve about the loss of their families._

 ** _9 August  
9:34 _**

_Guess what? Mille, Seana, and Aiden may not be orphans!_

 _Each says they were separated from their parents as their villages were evacuated, but that they were not overtaken by darkspawn._

 _Seana is from Harper's Ford. During Howe's attack, the Highever detachment in Harper's Ford evacuated the city in the dead of night to save the people from Howe's troops._

 _Millie and Aiden are from Dragon's Peak. Bann Sighard ordered an evacuation just before Archie made an appearance._

 _I have written to Teagan to see if he can help find their parents._

 ** _14 August  
9:34_**

 _My meeting with Aveline was very productive. She had a list possible lieutenants and she, Donnic, and I designed a structure that assigned lieutenants to certain geographic areas of Kirkwall. The lieutenants have been delegated the authority to investigate and resolve cases, which includes how to deploy their sergeants and guards as needed. Additionally, there will be a senior lieutenant, whose jurisdiction includes crime that crosses multiple geographic areas of Kirkwall, such as gang-related activity, like the Coterie and the Carta, or in the case of a serial killer like Quentin. The senior lieutenant is also a buffer between the Captain and the other lieutenants._

 _In case you were wondering, Donnic is the Senior Lieutenant and I am his senior sergeant._

 _If Edwyn had told me when we while we were in Lothering, that I would be designing a city-guard command structure, I think I'd have stuck my fingers in my ears and repeatedly shouted 'I'm not listening. I'm not listening.'_

 _You know that is exactly what I would have done!_

 _When I look in the mirror I don't really recognize this Alistair. I don't mean to say I don't look like me, but…it's just, I look like another version of me._

 _Let's start that again._

 _When I look in the mirror I recognize me, but I feel different. I am not looking at the Alistair from Ostagar, or Warden Commander Alistair. It's a very different Alistair, a better Alistair. This Alistair feels more sure of himself._

 _If that makes any sense._

 ** _18 August, 9:34 Dragon_**

 _Thank the Maker for Varric! He has been vetting couples wanting to adopt one of the 'fledglings' – his pet name for the kids._

 _We have found that there are some really underhanded and nasty people in Kirkwall. I have had Varric keep a record of each one of them, which we will turn over to Donnic._

 _For example, there was one 'couple' who were specifically interested in Aiden and Min (they are both 6). Varric discovered the man and woman were not married. They were siblings and blood mages, who, along with 10 others who were trying to reestablish a cult called The Last Night. According to Varric, The Last Night worship the old god Lusacan, God of Night. This cult was known for ritualistic murders during a Free Marches Grand Tourney._

 _From my limited knowledge of blood mage, the blood of children is more powerful than adults, and blood of boys and girls provide different kinds of power. I was sickened when Varric told me, just recounting it here makes me feel ill._

 _Our plan for the potential adoptive parents is dependent upon the child, but we have at least outlined some steps (Step 1, and 2 are really tests, and are set in stone)._

 _Step 1. Dinner at the estate the whole clan. This will help us get a sense of how they are with kids, generally. But really it's for the group to assess the potential adoptive parents. The kids have all been through a lot together and have become rather adept at sensing troubled waters. If they pass this test, then it's on to Step 2._

 _Step 2. Ali and I visit the parent's home and talk about that child's situation and past. We also get to know the parents better._

 _Step 3. We take the fledgling to the parent's home to visit._

 _Step 5. The parents have an outing with the fledgling_

 _Step 6. We wait a week then talk the child about they want to do._

 _It turns out that Jansen and wife, Calia, want to adopt the twins Alia and Cailyn. We had them come over for dinner per Step 1, and they were relaxed, warm, and kind. Jansen, who has been sober since I reopened the mine, has a great sense of humor and Calia is so sweet. Alia and Cailyn were so comfortable with them they were sitting next to them before dessert, and gave them hugs when they left. The rest of the children unanimously approved._

 _Ali and my visit went well. Jansen and Calia live in a nicer part of Lowtown (affordable now that Janson was making a good wage at the Foranora). Because their lives were more settled and successful, they want children, but cannot have children of their own._

 _I have a really good feeling about this match._

 ** _1 Kingsway  
9:34_**

 _Alia and Cailyn left with Jansen and Calia. It was a nice sight to see. Jansen held Cailyn's hand and Alia held Calia's._

 _I just noticed the similarity in names Calia, Cailyn, and Alia…seems like fate._

 _Anyway._

 _Fortunately, the rest of the kids were in various parts of the house because Marnie began to tear up - 'both the happy kind and the sad kind of tears' she was quick to tell me. We sat in the side yard swing for a while before coming back into the house._

 _Cricket was waiting for us and gave us each a hug._

 ** _15 Kingsway, 9:34 Dragon_**

 _The best anniversary gift ever. We are adopting Cricket!_

 _Since Alia and Calia left, he's become a bit melancholy, and when the subject of adoption comes up, he becomes very sad. Alistair and I asked him about it. He said that he didn't want to leave us, that he wanted us to be his Mom and Dad._

 _My heart burst with joy as I hugged him close and kissed his tears away. Alistair hugged us both and we all cried happy tears._

 _I was worried about what the other children would say, but it seems that it wasn't at all a surprise to them, and they are happy for us._

 ** _30 Kingsway  
9:34_**

 _It has been a very hectic month! Min was adopted by Donnic's sister Maeb and her husband Lachlann. Jake was adopted by a nice family in Lower-Hightown, Gavin and Isla Kinnaird_

 _I know, there is no such thing as Lower-Hightown, but there is no Midtown here. Just High, Low, and Dark. Yeah, I know…Kirkwallers! However, it is an accurate description. The people are not nobility, they live well, but modestly._

 _Anyway._

 _Having come to Kirkwall from Starkhaven a number of years ago, they were contacted by Sebastian. Gavin, the father, is an artisan and merchant. They have a successful shop in Hightown that sells hand-worked leathers. He also supplies leather armor to the city-guard and scabbards to the Templars. I hear his leather work rivals Antiva's._

 _What do you think Zev would say about that?_

 ** _1 Firstfall, 9:34 Dragon_**

 _Walter isn't sure about being adopted and neither is Siobhan. The issue they have is that they don't want to be separated. It's not at all a romantic issue. Their relationship is like Beth and Carver's, save for the parts when Carver was an ass. It's a strong familial bond that they don't want to lose if they are adopted by different families._

 _Alistair and I talked to Cricket about it. He just looked at us and smiled. "So when are we adopting Siobhan and Walter?"_

 _I loved the use of "we"_

 _Siobhan and Walter are thrilled, too._

 **~oOOo~**

Snuggling on the sofa, Alistair said, "In one year we went from no children to three"

"Everyone thought we were crazy"

"Well, Aveline and Isabela thought we were crazy. I think that was the only time they ever agreed on anything."

Marnie laughed. "The Slattern and Lady Man-Hands." Then she turned to look at Alistair. "I never thought we were crazy. I felt like we were blessed."

"I know we were."


	9. The Sort of Uncle

**The Sort of Uncle**

 _ **2 Firstfall  
9:34**_

 _I heard back from Teagan. They have found Millie, Aiden, and Seana's parents! He and Kaitlyn are coming here to escort them back to Ferelden. It will be great to see him again!_

 _ **30 Firstfall, 9:34 Dragon**_

 _Arl Teagan and his wife Arlessa Kaitlyn are arriving tomorrow and will stay with us for a month, then take Millie, Aiden and Seana back to Ferelden. The boat ride is short as they are coming from Highever, which leaves the Arl and Arleesa more time to visit with us, though probably more with Alistair than me._

 _The Arl seems to be the only bright spot in Alistair's life before was given to the Chantry. I will not judge King Maric for his choice of foster fathers; Eamon was the Arl of Redcliffe and married. Teagan was a bann and unwed. But I still think Bann Teagan would have made a much better father-figure than Arl Eamon._

 _Although a rabid dog would have made a better father than the Arl turned out to be._

 _The point is that I know how important Teagan is to Alistair, so now I'm nervous. What if Teagan doesn't like me? I'm nobility only because my mother was an Amell, but with magic in my line…_

 _I have worked really hard at hiding my worries. I doubt Ali has noticed._

 _ **30 Firstfall  
9:34**_

 _Marnie is trying to hide it, but I know she's nervous about meeting Teagan._

 _How do I know?_

 _Her writing desk is clean and organized._

 _You know Marnie, she likes to keep everything neat. Everything except for her writing desk. I swear it looks like…well, if ink stains were the taint, it looks like it's been attacked by a miniature horde of darkspawn. There are crumpled and torn pieces of parchment in and among actual letters and envelopes. Fortunately, nothing is rotting under the piles of parchment, so doesn't smell like darkspawn. The desk is in our study, so really only Marnie and I see it, and I don't mind it._

 _I asked her about it, once. When they were living with Gamlen she kept it neat and clean because 'something in that hovel needed to be.' But when she moved to the estate and letters started to pile up, Leandra would complain, so Marnie moved the desk into the study and left it as messy as possible. She said it was a form of rebellion for Leandra deciding to use the name Amell and not Hawke._

 _Anyway, the desk is currently immaculate._

 _Without Jake, Min, and the twins here, the house is quieter. When Millie, Seana, and Aiden leave, it will just be Walter, Siobhan, Cricket, and us. Walter is happy with his room, as is Siobhan, and Cricket will stay in the guest room, although we can't really call it a guest room can we? It's Cricket's room. The suite that was formerly Leandra's is now the official guest room, and the study in the suite that was Leandra's will double as a servant's room, if necessary._

 _I know, I'm making this more complicated than it is._

 **~oOOo~**

Marnie kissed Alistair and smiled. "It wasn't until after we moved that I realized just how much of a disaster my desk had become. You're right – it did look like it had been attacked by horde of mini-darkspawn. It never bothered you?"

Alistair tucked a stray lock of hair behind her ear. "Not at all. The Writing Desk Rebellion made sense. Besides, before were married you _saw_ my bedroom in my Upper-Lowtown house and you didn't run screaming."

"I have fond memories of that bedroom." Marnie grinned.

"Since we never slept in that room, what memories do you have?"

"The ones where you'd stammer and blush at its rather…chaotic condition."

Alistair pulled her close and whispered in her ear, chuckling when Marnie blushed a brilliant pink.

 **~oOOo~**

 _ **1 Haring  
9:34**_

 _I didn't realize how much I missed my "sort-of uncle" (I can't believe I said that when I introduced him to Marnie and the kids). Teagan was his usually eloquent self and Kaitlyn is just as light hearted as Teagan, so they put Marnie at ease. They will be staying in our guestroom, that used to be Leandra's room, and no, I am not going through all that again._

 _Teagan brought letters from Millie's, Aiden's, and Seana's parents. The three of them stared at the envelopes, not really knowing how to feel. I know I wouldn't know how to feel if I were looking at a letter from my mother or father; then again mine are dead, so that would just be scary._

 _Anyway._

 _Marnie took the kids into the study. I don't know what happened except that tears were involved – "the happy type" Marnie assured me. Cricket, Walter, and Siobhan were happy to meet my sort-of-uncle (yes, they will twit me about that forever) and Kaitlyn._

 _ **2 Haring, 9:34 Dragon**_

 _My husband can be absolutely adorable. When he introduced Teagan he said, "This is Teagan, my uncle, sort-of." Teagan smiled, took my hand, and said, "I am actually Teagan. I'm only sort-of his uncle."_

 _His wife Kaitlyn smiled and said, "I'm Kaitlyn, the wife of Alistair's sort-of-uncle."_

 _That exchange completely put me at ease._

 _Millie, Aiden, and Seana, were stunned by the letters from their parents. I took them into the study, so they could have some privacy while reading them. They opened them and read them, asking me if they couldn't understand a word. Then they wanted me to read them over myself. All three letters were full of hope and happiness at being reunited. I began to tear-up, and so did Millie, Seana, and Aiden._

 _Millie smiled and said that they needed to "remember to make sure Alistair knows that the tears are the happy kind. He always worries that tears are sad tears."_

 _From the mouths of babes._

 _ **2 Haring  
9:34**_

 _Kaitlyn was out with Millie, Aiden, and Seana getting some clothing for the cooler Fereldan weather. Walter and Siobhan took Cricket to Chantry library to borrow a book._

 _This was all planned, of course, because Teagan needed to talk with us alone._

 _Yes, I immediately thought it was something awful, but it wasn't. It was surprising, however._

 _He asked us if we would consider moving back to Ferelden. Horse-master Dennet, who taught me to ride and care for horses when I lived in Redcliffe, has his own farm in the Hinterlands (part of Teagan's Arling). While his daughter, Seanna, enjoys riding horses, and making horse runs, she doesn't want to take over as a horse-master…or would that be horse-mistress? No, that sounds…really wrong. Horse-master then._

 _Anyway. Dennet remembers me fondly and said that of all the children he has taught how to ride, Teagan and I were the only ones that showed an affinity with horses. I always thought it was because I slept among them, but Teagan assured me that wasn't it. Dennet wants to know if I would be willing to be his apprentice, and then he would pass the farm to me when he can no longer take care of it._

 _Naturally, I was speechless. Thank the Maker for Marnie, who asked, "Isn't Alistair exiled from Ferelden?"_

 _Teagan sighed. "As it turns out, no."_

 _Then I found my voice. I said, 'Really? It sure felt that way when she eagerly supported my retirement from the wardens and "gifted" me with enough money so I could live wherever I wanted. Not that I'm ungrateful, otherwise I wouldn't have found Marnie, but it was hard to interpret any other way."_

 _That's when Teagan cleared his throat handed me an envelope. It was a letter from Queen Anora. He told us that Anora had…matured over the last few years and realized that there was much that she left unsaid._

" _Can we go back to Ferelden if I don't accept Dennett's offer?"_

 _Teagan assured me that yes, we are welcome in Ferelden. Knowingly, he asked Marnie if she would like to show him around Kirkwall. He said he'd heard of a placed called the Hanged Man that seemed to be popular._

 _Marnie laughed and they were talking as they left the room._

 _I have no idea if they were going or not, I just opened the letter. Which I will tuck into you so it'll be safe._

 _Turns out I was only sort-of exiled._

 _ **Anora's Letter**_

 _Dear Alistair,_

 _Although rather belated, I congratulate you on your marriage to Lady Hawke. Knight-Commander Bryant of Denerim fondly remembers your wife and her family and passes along his best wishes._

 _Since the end of the Blight, Teagan has been one of my chief advisors, and Bann Alfstanna is my Chancellor. Through them I came to realize that I erred in how I treated you before, during, and, well, after that Landsmeet._

 _First, I apologize for not expressing my gratitude to you for allowing my father to become a Grey Warden and regain some of his honor. While he died killing the Archdemon, he will be remembered as a Hero. Teagan told me how the late Warden Commander Duncan was like a father to you. Showing mercy to the man you held responsible for your father's death was the act of a truly just and honorable man. Teyrn Fergus agreed and said he doubted he could have done that for Rendon Howe._

 _The other error, of which I only recently became aware, was the mistaken belief that you were exiled from Ferelden. When Teagan approached me with Master Dennet's offer, asking me if I would allow your return, I was surprised because I never issued a decree exiling you from Ferelden. However, upon reflection I realized that given what I said, and didn't say, it was the only conclusion one could have drawn._

 _Please understand that I do not believe you to be threat to my reign. You gave me your oath before the battle for Denerim. The man who showed my father mercy would also never go back on an oath once sworn. Your courage and your leadership are well known and you would never allow yourself to be used as a political pawn. You didn't when Eamon tried, and he was a master at that type of chess._

 _What I am saying is that you, your wife, and your children are free to come back home to Ferelden. This is true regardless of whether or not you accept Master Dennet's offer._

 _My regards to lady Theirin, who I suspect would prefer that moniker to the Champion of Kirkwall._

 _While we hope you will come back to Ferelden, it would be understandable if you've put down roots in the Free Marches._

 _Kind Regards,_

 _Anora Mac Tir Theirin, Regina_

 _Ferelden_

 _p.s. Please send word back with Teagan on the affairs of the "Foranora" mine; my Chancellor and I are always eager for news._

 _ **3 Haring, 9:34 Dragon**_

 _Yesterday, Teagan wanted me to show him around Kirkwall so Alistair could read Anora's letter. He mentioned the Hanged Man and I laughed and told him that was no place for a Fereldan Arl, unless, of course, he frequented places with an ambiance that was equal parts vomit, unwashed bodies, and stale ale._

 _Teagan said that he knew one of my closest friends lived there. He then endeared himself to me forever when he said that meeting my friends was important to him, so the ambiance of the Hanged Man mattered little._

 _He and I went to the Hanged Man and spent the afternoon with Varric and Fenris, who was also there. We even played a few hands of Wicked Grace._

 _Teagan won the last hand._

 **~oOOo~**

"At first, I didn't know what to make of that letter. I thought it was an elaborate joke at best or at worst that Anora was in trouble and the letter was some kind of code."

"Code? Did you really think so?" Marnie was curious.

"I really didn't know what to think. But in the end it seems that she really had matured after the Blight."

Marnie arched an eyebrow. "It also helped that she was to be cementing her crown by marrying Teyrn Fergus six months later, something she never mentioned in the letter."

"True, but she was sincere in the letter even if it was a strategic move."

"I think she was a bit surprised at our decision."

"Well she did mention our putting down roots in the Free Marches. It sounded almost like she expected us to stay in Kirkwall."

Marnie sighed. "Even if we had, we would have been uprooted anyway."

 **~oOOo~**

 _ **12 Haring**_ ** _  
 _9:35__**

 _Marnie and I went to the Hanged Man last night for the weekly game of Wicked Grace. We don't go every week, and we've not always gone together. Sometimes, I would be on guard duty, and sometimes Marnie stayed home, so I could have an evening out with our friends._

 _Having a group of friends was a new experience for me, and the times I went on my own allowed me to get to know everyone on my own terms, separate of their relationship with Marnie._

 _For example, unlike my wife, I do very well at Wicked Grace._

 _No, I don't cheat!_

 _I'm good because I have no tell. It's something that drives Varric and Izzy nuts. They have no idea what I'm holding, or thinking, which it makes it almost impossible for them to figure out which cheating method to use._

 _Varric cornered me one night a few months after Marnie and I married, and asked me how it was possible to have no tell, and if I could teach him._

 _I explained that templars posted at a Circle know how to stand and watch without showing any expression or hint of what they are thinking. Part of that training happens at the monastery, formally through mental exercises. However, the best training was informal. At the monastery, in addition to templar initiates, there were chantry sisters, many of who our own age had curves in all the right places. If our eyes blinked in their direction, or if we showed any outward expression of 'lust' even a faint blush, the Revered Mother would punish us with a week's worth of chamber pot cleaning duty._

 _Nothing will cool one's ardor faster than the odor of a chamber pot._

 _When I told this story to Varric, he laughed so hard he almost hurt himself!_

Anyway.

 _Last night we told everyone about Master Dennet's offer and our moving back to Ferelden._

 _Daisy was the most upset, and it was hard to see her cry. I really love Merrill. I love her for her perceptiveness, innate kindness, child-like sense of wonder, and her inner strength. For Maker's sake she was able to give up blood magic! Something that she doesn't get enough credit for. Daisy is one of mine and Marnie's closest friends, and we both will miss her dearly._

 _Isabella's reaction was true to form: She offered to give us a going away gift. Yes, the gift would be her. Naked. She is a beautiful woman, but she isn't Marnie, and I don't share._

 _Fenris wasn't happy, but he wasn't unhappy. He was…Fenris. It's not really brooding, its awkwardness. He doesn't really know how to act around people as a free man. Fenris is much more comfortable around men, unless they are mages, in which case it matters little to him if they are male or female. Yes, he and Anders have never gotten along. How Marnie manages to get them to work together, I'll never know. He and I have been far closer friends than he and Marnie have been._

 _Now that Denarius is dead, I have been trying to recruit Fenris into the Guard. He keeps saying no, but not saying why. Maybe Donnic will have more luck. The city guard could use him and I think he could get a lot of satisfaction being a guard._

 _Also true to form, Varric looked completely unsurprised at the news. He told us that when he heard about Teagan's arrival, he had a feeling something like this was going to happen. Later in the evening, Varric pulled me aside and said he was happy that I was taking Marnie out of this "shithole of a city." Varric is like the older brother I never had. While Cailan was my brother by blood, Varric is my brother by choice._

 _As for Anders…well, he and I are civil because he and Marnie are friends. I think he's an abomination. The spirit may have been Justice, a first, but it's Vengeance now. Every bit of my templar senses rise whenever he's around._

 _They are an odd group of people and I wouldn't have them any other way. I will miss them very, very much._

 **AN:** Thank you to my beta, ElyssaCousland! Also thank you to Judy, Melysande, Eastern Violet for your reviews!


	10. Candles, Rugs, and an Ancient Darkspawn

**Old Candles, Ratty Rugs, and one Ancient, Crazed Darkspawn**

 ** _20 Bloomingtide, 9:35 Dragon_**

 _We received a letter from Teagan today, which also contained a letter to Alistair from Master Dennet. Teagan is back in Denerim, and apologized for the delay in sending the letter. He visited Dennet after going to Highever, and then went back to Denerim by way of Redcliffe. The poor man didn't get back in Denerim until beginning of Bloomingtide._

 _According to Teagan, because their boat from Kirkwall was docking in Highever, Queen Anora was actually at Highever when the boat arrived; she and Teyrn Fergus brought Millie, Seana, and Aiden's parents to the_ _castle so no one had to wait to be reunited, and arranged carriages to take the families back home. Teagan said that the reunions were joyous, and truly a privilege to help bring about. He also said that Millie wanted Ali and me to know, all the tears were the good kind._

 _I was puzzled as to why the Queen was even at Highever, much less working with Teyrn Fergus. Turns out that she and Fergus are to be wed on the 15_ _th_ _of Justinian. Teagan only realized when he spoke to Queen Anora that she hadn't mentioned that in her letter to Alistair._

 _According to Teagan, Teyrn Fergus will be King, not Prince-Consort. Alistair explained to me that if they have a child, it would be a Cousland heir, not a Mac Tir heir, at least in the minds of the Bannorn._

 _I wonder if Queen Anora is actually barren or if it was Cailan who was unable to seed the garden, so to speak._

 ** _23 Bloomingtide  
9:35_**

 _Master Dennet wants to know if I can be there by Wintermarch 9:36, which means leaving in Haring, just five months from now. I can't imagine how we would be ready to move that quickly. But preparing the horses for the spring and breeding season takes time. Time to prepare the mares and the breeding yard…Wow! How did I know that? Right, I have a way with horses, beyond sleeping_ _near them._

 _When I came out of the study, Marnie could tell that I was troubled. Walter was in his room. Siobhan and Cricket were at the Chantry…yes, borrowing another book. Cricket is like a sponge; he just soaks up the information._

 _Anyway._

 _Marnie and I sat in the yard and I told her about Dennet's letter. She kissed me, put her forehead against mine, and told me to go. She said that she could handle things here, Varric would help her sell the estate, she could pack up, and travel to Ferelden. She said she'd miss me like crazy but it would only be a few months._

 _As you know, Marnie is willing to make things easy for everyone, except for herself. We ended up having a long talk because I wanted to make sure that she would really be alright. When we discussed it with the kids, Walter and Cricket were eager leave Kirkwall. Siobhan had offered to stay and help, but it was clear she was also eager to leave._

 _Ah, my Marnie was very sly. She mentioned that it would be easier to sell the estate with the guest rooms (including Leandra's suite) vacant. It would allow her to showcase the guest wing's own garderobes and attached servants' quarters. Apparently 'guest wings' are something the Hightown types love. Siobhan tried not to look too relieved._

 _So come the beginning of Haring, the four of us are leaving for Ferelden. Between now and then Marnie and I need to crate up everything that is going into long-term storage so it can be shipped to Ferelden. Varric is handling the logistics…he is a wonder._

 _Marnie will follow mid-Cloudreach, 9:36._

 ** _30 Firstfall  
9:35_**

 _Tensions between the mages and templars had been spilling over in to Kirkwall generally which affects both the city guard, and most important to me, it affects Marnie as the Champion of Kirkwall. That worries me, so before I left, I had a conversation with Cullen and Aveline about Marnie's safety._

 _They both promised to look after her for me._

 **~oOOo~**

Marnie looked at me. "What did you tell them?

"Well, it began with a talk about the situation at the Gallows…"

… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …

 _Alistair ran his hand through his hair. "I've…um…noticed that mage-chantry relations are much more...contentious than they were a year ago."_

 _"Contentious only describes the good days." Cullen said, "It is an ongoing battle of wills between Meredith and Orsino…That, and…"_

 _Aveline looked sharply at Cullen, "And what else?"_

 _"Meredith is becoming increasingly unstable and irrational, so I spoke to the Grand Cleric about it."_

 _"And she left it in the Maker's hands." Alistair said knowingly._

 _"Unfortunately, predictable but true." Cullen sighed. "It means we cannot count on the Chantry to help."_

 _Aveline looked thoughtful. "Cullen, do you have the authority to relieve her of command if she seems unfit for duty?"_

 _"I do, in a limited way. Which means I have to have verifiable proof that she is unfit."_

 _Alistair nodded. "That's better than nothing. Look, you both are among our closest friends and I trust you both more than any one."_

 _"What's the favor, Alistair?" Aveline smiled._

 _"Could you both watch over Marnie? She has tried to remain neutral, but I'm quite sure that if things go to crap in the Gallows, either Meredith or Orsino will try to force her to take a side. I just need things here to be stable until the end of Cloudreach"_

 _Cullen gave an encouraging smile. "I will accompany the Knight-Commander if she speaks to Orsino or Marnie."_

 _"And I will make sure sergeant Connell keeps his ear to the ground."_

 _Cullen laughed. "Connell is a natural salesman. No one would ever guess he was anything other than a merchant. That was a stroke of genius, Aveline."_

 _Aveline cleared her throat. "Well, I don't know about genius, but it has been a big help."_

 _Letting out a sigh of relief, Alistair said, "My thanks to both of you."_

… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …

"Are you mad at me for going around your back?' Alistair asked.

Marnie reassured him with a smile. "No! I'd have done the same thing if our places were reversed."

 **~oOOo~**

Marnie was changing out of her dust-covered tunic. "Maybe we _should_ have read more of the 9:35 entries; then we would know what were we thinking when we put some of these things into storage."

"What? You didn't like the crate of half-burned candles?"

Marnie looked green. "They smelled like rotting fat! What possessed me to put them in a crate?"

Alistair scratched the back of his neck. "Um…you didn't. I did."

Marnie laughed. "You did? Maker's sake, why?"

"I thought that crate was for the things being thrown out. I didn't realize it wasn't until we opened it this morning."

"Well, I guess we're even." Marnie blushed. "I was the one who packed the crate of ratty rugs."

 **~oOOo~**

The following evening, Alistair looked through the much smaller stack of parchments before pulling one out. "These are from 9:36 and 9:37."

"Ah, you mean the two years I spent trying to _leave_ Kirkwall!"

 **~oOOo~**

 ** _12 Drakonis, 9:36 Dragon_**

 _The estate hasn't sold yet, and I blame Meredith. She is essentially the Viscount and unless any issue involves blood mages, she ignores it. This includes issues like trade negotiations, which aren't happening, and it is having a big impact on Kirkwall's economy. I won't leave the estate empty and ask Varric to handle it._

 _Unless something happens soon, I am not leaving in Cloudreach._

 ** _30 Solace, 9:36 Dragon_**

 _Back from spending a month in Ferelden with my family. Ali and I decided that I will come to Ferelden every other month until the estate sells. Isabella is willing to take me to there and back. I double-checked that she was not expecting me to sleep with her. She just laughed._

 ** _1 Harvestmere, 9:36 Dragon_**

 _Varric was waiting for me at the dock today when I came back from my latest trip to Ferelden. He escorted me to the estate and told me in no uncertain terms that he would make sure the mansion looked lived in and that he would handle the sale. When I tried to protest, he said, "Hawke, you can't stay here. Go home to your family. Golden Boy needs you, as do Golden Boy Jr, Sister, and Cricket."_

 _I was in tears and hugged him. Then I gently patted Bianca._

 ** _1 Firstfall, 9:36 Dragon_**

 _I am leaving for Ferelden the day after tomorrow. I am so excited that I laughed as I quickly dispatched the two weird dwarves who attacked me._

 _Good-bye Kirkwall. Thank the Maker._

 ** _3 Wintermarch  
9:37_**

 _Marnie's making a full recovery, she just needs to get her strength back so she can travel. Cricket refuses to be parted from her. Given what happened to him in Lothering, that is hardly surprising. I didn't want to leave her in Kirkwall, either. But she insisted._

 **~oOOo~**

Alistair shook his head slowly. "If only I had known."

"Ali, you know there was no way that you, or any of us, could have known what was going to happen."

"But _you_ had to fight that ancient, crazed, darkspawn."

"I had Varric, Fenris, and Anders with me."

"Varric and Fenris, you mean. Anders attacked you."

"Justice pulled him back. Probably the only time I have ever been thankful for Justice. Consider it a rehersal."

Alistair pulled her up on to his lap. "I don't ever want to see you in harm's way again. I want to wake up to your beautiful face always and forever, Marnie Theirin." Pulling her to him, he covered her lips with his, kissing her deeply.

Marnie pulled back slightly. "I would have it no other way."

 **~oOOo~**

 **AN:** Many thanks to those who are reading, and following, and to Judy, Melysande, and EasternViolet for your reviews. Special thanks to ElyssaCousland, my wonderful beta.


	11. All my love

**_All My Love.._.  
**

 ** _15 Wintermarch  
9:37  
Redcliffe Farms  
Ferelden_**

 _To the woman who holds my heart in her hands,_

 _I'm back in Ferelden and miss you terribly. But all is well, and I have good news. Well, it's really Walter's good news._

 _While I was in Kirkwall, Teagan went to the farm to visit Dennet and Elaina. I don't know if you know this, but it's customary in Ferelden that when your liege lord visits, the head of the household meets them, a mile or so away, and escorts them to the homestead. Dennet was nursing a sore knee so he asked Walter if he would ride out in his place. Because there could always be bandits or other unsavory things, Walter wore his armor and carried his sword and shield._

 _This turned out to be a wise precaution because when he arrived at the meeting point he found Teagan and his men under attack by seven armored men_

 _Teagan told me that Walter quickly dismounted and entered the fray. He took down the rogue that Teagan said was about to 'sink his daggers into my back'. Then our son guarded him and managed to kill one bandit and disable a second to be questioned. After Walter escorted Teagan to the farm, he went back to help the guards clean up and bring back the captive._

 _Turns out the attack was carried out by members of the Black Dawn. They're a mercenary company out of Nevarra and were hired to kill Teagan. The mercenary they captured said that they never know who hires them because everything is handled via a dead drop. I sent word to Zevran, hoping he could find out more._

 _Back to Walter's news:_

 _Teagan was very impressed by Walter's skill and quick thinking. So impressed that he asked me if I would consent to Walter becoming his squire! Walter was eager and honored to accept. Siobhan told Walter that while she'll miss him, he was close enough for us to visit. I hope Cricket will take the news well. Walter left with Teagan yesterday. When you come home, we will visit him at the Castle._

 _Wow. It was only three years ago that this skinny, tired, and world-weary boy came to our house and hearts. Now he is a young man, wearing the armor of a squire to the Arl of Redcliffe, looking relaxed and confident._

 _I am so proud of our son and I made damn sure I told him that._

 _All my love,  
Me_

 _p.s. The holding my heart in your hand was metaphoric, it wasn't a reference to Fenris' glowing fists thing._

 ** _30 Wintermarch, 9:37 Dragon  
Kirkwall - Still_**

 _My Love,_

 _I didn't think of Fenris at all when you said that I held your heart in my hands._

 _I am so proud of Walter. I told Cricket, and he is over the moon about his older brother being squired to an Arl._

 _Why would anyone want to kill Teagan? That's worrisome._

 _Our younger son is very organized, which has been a big help to me as we pack what we will need while we travel to Ferelden._

 _According to Varric, delivery of the crates that are going into storage is on schedule and should arrive at Redcliffe in a fortnight._

 _I have good news, too._

 _We sold the estate! Varric didn't even have to move in. The buyers are Gavin and Isla Kinnaird, Jake's adoptive parents. When they came to look at the estate, Jake showed them around, explaining who slept were. He also showed them the cellar, the kitchen, the larder (the kinds of things one would expect a 9-year-old to find fascinating). I showed them the boring 'adult things' like the master bedroom, the study, and the library and such. But I think Jake is the one who deserves the credit for the sale._

 _Since the estate is sold, Bodahn, Sandal, and Orana were able to leave for Orlais. News of Sandal's ability has piqued the interest of the Empress and she would like them to live at court. Bodahn was worried about leaving us, as I am still recuperating. They have already put off their leaving for a few months. I told them to go before the notably unpredictable Empress decided to rescind her offer. I assured them I could manage. Bodahn looked skeptical, but finally agreed._

 _Elthina eagerly accepted Cricket and Merrill's offer of help with the chantry garden, or what Cricket calls, "a rather ill-kept plot of land." We now have a routine, after breakfast Cricket helps me do household chores, then he and Merrill (who sends her love) go to the Chantry garden, they have lunch at the Chantry. I meet them there after lunch so Cricket and I can borrow more books. Then we go home and spend the evening reading, or writing, as I am doing now, or just talking._

 _I'm feeling stronger, more and more each day. It helps that the gang comes to the house to visit instead of me having to go down to Lowtown, which I really appreciate, and I make sure we drink better ale._

 _Fenris sends his regards. He won't say it, but he really misses you. The two of you had such an easy rapport, one that he doesn't really have with the rest of our friends. Donnic told me that he tried to recruit Fenris, but that Fenris seemed more interested in killing slavers than guarding Kirkwall. That could take him out of Kirkwall to Maker knows where._

 _Cricket and I miss you._

 _I hate being apart from you. I cannot sleep in our bed without you, so I've taken to falling asleep on the sofa in the study. Usually, with a book in my hand. I know it sounds daft, but I can't help it._

 _Now that the estate is sold, we can set a moving date!_

 _Hopefully we will be home soon._

 _All my love,  
Marnie_

 ** _1 Guardian  
9:37  
Redcliffe Farms  
Ferelden_**

 _To my soulmate,_

 _Thank the Maker, and Jake it seems, that the mansion has been sold. Now you can make arrangements to come home!_

 _Sleeping on the sofa in the study? Please tell me you are at least getting a good night's sleep? You need all the rest you can get, my love. The new bed for our room arrived a week ago. It's a bit smaller, but more comfortable, and I eagerly await your arrival so we can make new memories in it._

 _Things on the farm are going really well. Dennet has taught me so much that it's hard to believe I started here only a year ago. I'd also forgotten that being around horses is calming. When I was a boy and Isolde had been particularly awful, I would go to the stables (where I slept) and visit with Tulip. He was an elegant gelding and loved being groomed. The slow, even motions with a curry comb calmed me down._

 _Here, my favorite horse is a 2 year-old filly. A Ferelden Forder named Evening Sunset. She's called that because of the red and gold highlights in her sable colored mane and tail. Sunset is the gentlest horse I have ever been around. Dennet agrees. He says that she is the "kind of horse that will give you all she has."_

 _Dennet also thinks that I am Sunset's favorite person. She only nickers when I enter the stables and knows it's me even though she has no line-of-sight from her stall. She always looks excited to see me, and we usually go for a short ride in the morning.  
_

 _When the horses are out in the field, she will come up to me and snuffle my hair, then trot after the others._

 _While I was in Kirkwall, Dennet told me that she was off her feed, and when in the field she trotted around clearly looking for me._

 _After I got your letter, I wrote to Fenris. He told me once that his lyrium brands make it difficult for him to really feel free. In my letter I told him that by hunting slavers I was worried that it will only make it more difficult for him to ever feel free. I suggested that perhaps he could come to Ferelden, find a new life outside of the Free marches and Tevinter. If you have an opportunity to talk to him, see what he thinks._

 _Siobhan sends her love. She and Seanna have become very close, each finding in the other the sister they never had. Seanna taught her to ride a horse and Siobhan took to riding like a fish to water. Now Seanna creates horse runs and Siobhan tries them out._

 _Seeing how Walter was able to defend Teagan, Siobhan wants to learn how to fight, if for no other reason than for self-defense. Her slight build makes sword wielding out of the question, but daggers are possible. I just don't know anyone who duel-wields save for Isabella and Zevran. I wish Zevran was around, because I am not at all comfortable with Isabella teaching our daughter. I will write to Teagan and see if he knows anyone who can train her._

 _I miss you more than I can say. Come home soon._

 _All my love,  
Me_

 ** _4 Guardian, 9:37 Dragon  
Kirkwall, but for only 6 days and 3 candles_**

 _My Dearest,_

 _I am thrilled that you have found your true vocation! Your sense of joy comes through in every phrase._

 _Siobhan and Walter are growing up so fast and I've been missing it. My few visits haven't given me nearly enough time with them. I have to agree; I would much rather have Zev teach her, than Izzy. Hopefully Teagan knows someone._

 _Speaking about Izzy, the other day, she taught Cricket how to play Wicked Grace. I warned him that Isabella and Varric cheat. He grinned. "I know, Varric already taught me how to play!" We both agreed that the whole point of Wicked Grace is to see who can cheat the best. Unless of course it's you, who has no tell!_

 _I'm glad you wrote to Fenris. He's been talking less about hunting slavers and Varric tells me that he is reading a book about Ferelden's history! Perhaps you got through to him._

 _I have some worrisome news: I haven't seen Anders since you left. He has been visiting Varric, however, who told me that he may have to start calling Anders "Messere Morose."_

 _While our storyteller seemed more amused than worried, I am worried. The day before yesterday, while Cricket was at the Chantry with Merrill, Fenris and I went to Anders' clinic (yes, we took the back exit from the lower cellar). Not only were the lanterns not lit, the lanterns were gone! I looked through a knothole in the door. What was the clinic is now just empty space._

 _Fenris and I quickly returned to the estate and he left to tell Aveline and Varric. Ave and Varric didn't want Cricket and I alone in the house, so Fenris is going to stay with us until we leave for Ferelden. Thankfully, that's only six days from now._

 _Give my love to Siobhan and Walter. We'll be home soon._

 _Home._

 _Home is where you all are, and where our son and I need to be._

 _All my love,  
Marnie_


	12. Death Becomes Her

**Death Becomes Her**

 ** _9 Guardian, 9:37 Dragon  
Captain Isabella's boat  
Somewhere between Kirkwall and Ferelden _**

_Kirkwall couldn't hold together for one more day, could it? Just one more bloody day!_

 _Yesterday, Cricket and I had gone to the library in the morning, instead of our usual afternoon trip. I don't really know why I changed our schedule. That afternoon, I received two letters. One bore the seal of the First Enchanter, the other the seal of the Knight-Commander._

 _Both essentially said the same thing: "Champion, you've supported us before, come to the Gallows at once, things are going to shite." Neither actually used the word shite; Orsino wrote that Meredith had gone too far, and Meredith wrote that dire events were under way. In other words, things were going downhill, fast._

 _I showed the notes to Cricket and Fenris. Cricket said, and I quote. "Mom, if anyone can stop them from doing something stupid, you can." I hugged him and sat there for a minute just holding our son, wishing with all my heart that this was just a bad dream._

 _It wasn't a bad dream; it was a living nightmare._

 _Armed and armored, I stepped out the door and heard Meredith's unmistakably strident voice (I'm sure that half of Hightown heard it). Surprised, I looked around the corner: instead of being at the Gallows, Meredith and Orsino were having a heated argument in front of the Viscount's Keep._

 _Fenris, who had also heard the commotion, was standing in the foyer as I ducked back inside. I asked him to go with Cricket into the cellar in case things went badly, and then I left. I really hoped I could stop the Knight-Commander and the First Enchanter from doing something_ _colossally_ _stupid._

 _I saw Cullen there (I've seen him accompany the Knight-Commander frequently in the last year) along with several Templars. Orsino was accompanied by three enchanters._

 _Meredith wanted to search the Circle "top to bottom" because she was positive that Orsino was harboring blood mages. There was absolutely no room in her mind for any other possibility. I was trying to figure out what had finally pushed Meredith off her rocker; it was then that I noticed her sword. The pommel was much larger than I remembered. But what really caught my eye was the red glow emanating from where the hilt met the scabbard._

 _I caught Cullen's attention – he was behind and to the side of the Knight-Commander, and looked back to Meredith's sword. His eyes grew wide; clearly the sword was new to him too. I found that disquieting, to say the least._

 _When I made my presence known, Meredith welcomed me, clearly thinking I was on her side. Then I asked Orsino if there were blood mages. When he said no, I told Meredith that she presses the mages too hard. She didn't take that well, at all._

 _After more pointless arguing, Orsino said he was going to get Elthina. That was when Anders made an appearance. He said that the grand cleric could not help them. He told Orsino that the Circle had failed and accused him of bowing to their templar jailers._

 _It was Anders, but there was a ferocity in his voice that I'd never heard from him, even in his most vitriolic rants. Then I saw the unmistakable blue light of Justice briefly flare as he said (I will remember his words to my dying day): "The time has come to act. There can be no half measures. There can be no turning back…"_

 _I was about to ask what he meant, when the ground shook under us and the chantry exploded._

 _I heard Anders say softly, "There can be no peace."_

 _The massive explosion was clearly accomplished with magic, because the chantry broke up into its individual building blocks, which were drawn into the sky where they were turned into a paroxysm of dust and ash that spread across Hightown._

 _We were all in shock. I looked at Anders and all I could think of was Cricket. If we'd gone to the library in the afternoon …he and I would have been in the chantry._

 _Cullen was able to drain Anders' mana and put on a magic-inhibiting collar. That man moves fast! Justice, or Vengeance it would seem, didn't have time to react. Cullen calmly told Meredith that the mage responsible was now in custody._

 _Meredith ignored him. Instead, she invoked the rite of annulment!_ _She said that every mage in the Circle was to be immediately executed. Then she demanded that_ _I_ _stand with her!_ _Cullen asserted, again, that he had the mage responsible. Meredith didn't seem to care._

 _I tried to reason with her. I told her the Circle had nothing to do with this explosion. That it was solely perpetrated by an apostate, Grey Warden-deserter, who was already in custody._

 _Then she said she could not stay her hand because the people of Kirkwall will demand blood. I told her that the people of Kirkwall will demand justice. That it was she, the Knight-Commander, who was demanding blood. I told her we can give the people justice without shedding innocent blood._

 _That didn't work either._

 _Cullen reminded her that while she could invoke the rite, she was not allowed to carry it out without Chantry approval. Word must be sent to Val Royeaux._

 _Meredith insisted that she had to act now, and then asked me to choose my fate. All I could think about were the acts of abuse perpetrated by her templars with her explicit or implicit approval. How the people of Kirkwall had suffered because of her usurpation of the Office of the Viscount. I thought of each job I took to protect a city ruled by a tyrannical Knight-Commander._

 _My patience was gone._

 _In a last ditch attempt to stave off the rite, I drew my sword and then asked the Knight Commander to show me her new sword. I think what I actually said was "Show me your new sword you, crazy, sanctimonious, bitch."_

 _Furious that I'd threatened her, she pulled out the glowing sword. The idol was clearly visible within the hilt! Meredith said she bought it off a dwarf. The dwarf had to have been Bartrand. Varric, who had just arrived with Aveline and Merrill, muttered something about Bartrand and a slow death._

 _I told the templars around us that contact with red lyrium drives people insane, just as it had with the dwarf who sold the idol to the Knight-Commander_

 _That's when Cullen put his sword in between me and Meredith. He ordered her to stand down because she was clearly under the influence of a dangerous substance._

 _Enraged is too light a term for Meredith's reaction. She declared that everyone, save her, had been infected by blood magic and that she alone would protect the city._

 _She was as far gone as Bartrand had been._

 _I told Orsino to keep the mages safe (he left his enchanters with me before heading back to the Gallows. I noticed, too late, that he was followed by a templar) then I attacked the Knight-Commander as quickly and as powerfully as I could. It was a brutal fight, made worse by Meredith, somehow, animating the falcon statue at entrance to the Keep_ _. It was like fighting while trying to avoid a solid metal dragon. Fortunately, Cullen fought with me._

 _After a seemingly endless amount of time, I had injured her enough that she tried to draw more power from the red lyrium. I guess she tried to draw too much power, because the sword exploded. She is now another surreal Kirkwall statue, only this one is made of red lyrium._

 _Varric looked at the smoldering statue and quipped, "That's a good look for her."_

 _I knew that there had to be trouble at the Gallows, Orsino, or that templar, would have said something by now. I began to move toward Cullen. He had two of his templars practically dragging the semi-conscious Anders with them (Cullen's mana drain was incredibly strong)._

 _Cullen stopped me. He looked at the dead Knight–Commander and told me to get out of Kirkwall as fast as I could. That any templars loyal to Meredith would attack me on sight if I went to the Gallows, and any that were already here will try to hunt me down. I told Cullen, that I can handle myself. He told me that he didn't doubt that, but my presence would hamper his ability to restore order._

 _I thought about asking what was going to happen to Anders, but my mind couldn't reconcile the Anders I met all those years ago, and this…abomination in front of me. I still can't.  
_

 _Merrill healed the worst of my injuries, allowing me to get back to the estate. The first thing I did, when I ran into the house, was hug Cricket. I tried not to cry, but then he said, "It's okay, mom. We're okay. That's all that matters." It was the wisdom born of his early suffering and it touched me deeply._

 _According to Fenris, shortly after the explosion, Izzy (who knew about our afternoons at the Chantry library) was worried about me about me and Cricket and came to the estate. When no one answered, she broke in. She was headed to the cellar, when Fenris almost took her head off, thinking she was an intruder. Fenris sent Izzy to ready her boat in case we had to flee (which turned out to be the case)._

 _Thankfully,_ _Cricket and Fenris already packed what they could, and we left. To avoid notice, we left through the lower cellar into Darktown, and took another shortcut to the docks. Fenris told me he would work with Varric to make sure the rest of our things made it to Ferelden._

 _As the boat sailed toward the harbor mouth, I looked towards the Gallows. My heart broke as I saw that the mages and templars were fighting. Even though Meredith was dead the templars loyal to her were trying to carry out the Rite. I pray that Cullen's templars got to the Gallows before they succeeded._

 _My world has gone insane._

 **~oOOo~**

 **AN:** Credit for the title of this chapter goes to Martin Donovan, David Koepp, the writers of the movie Death Becomes Her. Thank you to for reading! Special thanks to Melysande and Jud for their reviews. Big thanks to my Beta ElyssaCousland, whose suggestions have been invaluable as spin this tale.


	13. The Calm Before The Storms

**The Calm Before the Storms**

 ** _12 Guardian, 9:37 Dragon_**

 ** _Home!_**

 _The carriage ride to Redcliffe Farms was, thankfully, uneventful. I was drowsing when we arrived, and Cricket was asleep with his head on my lap. I startled awake then I gently stroked his hair and whispered for him to wake up. In an instant he went from sound asleep to wide awake. From the first time Cricket came to live with us, this is how he usually woke up. It seems it is just his natural youthful enthusiasm, which was a relief to discover. Ali and I were worried that it was a learned response to living in Darktown as trouble usually happened without warning._

 _Wide awake and grinning from ear to ear, he looked at me. "Are we home, Mom?" I smiled and nodded. His face began to look blurry as I teared up._

 _As we got out of the carriage, Alistair and Siobhan came outside of the house, followed by Walter! It was a wonderful surprise! Cricket took off running to Alistair who grabbed him into a bear hug. After Ali, he hugged Siobhan, and then just stood looking awestruck at Walter, who was in the livery of a squire of the Arl of Redcliffe. Walter grabbed him into a hug._

 _I stood by the carriage and watched my family._

 _My family._

 _My husband, my daughter, and my sons. Then the tears definitely flowed. Very happy ones._

 _Sanity returned to my world._

 **~oOOo~**

"I barely remembered seeing all of you. I don't remember anything else until the following morning."

"You were pretty out of it. But that was hardly surprising, given what you'd gone through."

Marnie gazed out at the night sky, its inky darkness enhancing the light of glimmering stars. "I will always be grateful to Fenris for protecting Cricket that day." She turned towards Alistair. "To this day, I cannot help thinking that if I hadn't taken Cricket to the Chantry library that morning…"

Alistair held Marnie, feeling her tremble. "But you did. You both got to Ferelden safely. Who knows? Maybe Andraste guided you that morning."

Marnie, practically hearing his grin, chuckled. "Maybe so, or maybe it was my instinctual sense of when something is about to turn to utter crap."

"That, too."

 **~oOOo~**

 ** _15 Cloudreach, 9:37 Dragon_**

 _Life on the farm is peaceful and calming. The air smells of flowers, fresh hay, grass, and horses. Even the smell of horse dung is a welcome change from the unidentifiable stench that permeated Kirkwall. When we first arrived I was a bit out of sorts, not knowing what to do with myself. After the frenetic pace of life in Kirkwall, it's taken a bit to get used to peace and quiet; now I wouldn't have it any other way._

 _I've been learning how to ride and care for horses. Learning how is going well, even though sometimes I swear I am tempted to contact the Imperial Bum Warmer and buy a seat cushion._

 _Cricket is having a grand time helping with the homestead vegetable garden. In Kirkwall he read about how the blight destroys the land. He asked Alistair if he could take him someplace where he could see what blighted land looked like. They went to a small area between Redcliffe and Lothering. According to Ali, Cricket was deeply affected by the utter destruction of what once was lush farmland. The other day he told us that he wants to study botany and try to find out how to heal blighted land. The only botany course of study is at the University of Orlais. He's only 11, but the future heartache I will feel when he leaves home has already made its presence known._

 _Siobhan and I have spent time hiking in an around Redcliffe. Sometimes we take a picnic lunch or a snack. We find a comfortable spot and just talk. We talk about the future; we talk about the past. I told her more about Carver and Bethany and she told me about her parents. We also talk about men, about clothes. It is the kind of relationship I always wished I could have with my mother._

 ** _30 Cloudreach  
9:37 _**

_I have a life I never thought was possible. I have a wife and children who I adore, and I am doing something I love. I am not hunting mages, addicted to Lyrium, or fighting darkspawn. Marnie and I still spar every day; she wants to make sure we stay fighting-ready. Given her history of attracting trouble – and mine! – it seems the sensible thing to do._

 _Yes, I can do the sensible thing, at least most of the time!_

 _The one odd thing is that my appetite isn't nearly as bad as it was during the Blight or for a couple of years after. There are times when I am actually full! It's strange and it was worrying me so I wrote to Edwyn to see if he'd experienced such a change. He responded that he was still just as hungry as he was after his Joining._

 _But he also quickly allayed my fears of about it being harbinger an early Calling. He asked one of the senior Orlesian wardens about a reduced appetite preceding the Calling. He was told it doesn't. When the appetite decreases a warden is more like a ghoul than a human. Clearly, and thankfully, that's not happening to me._

 **~oOOo~**

"I think you could have pushed me over with a feather, the first time you told me you were full."

"I know. I was just as stupefied."

Marnie grinned. "Your _other_ appetites didn't decrease."

Alistair pulled Marnie to him and began kissing his way down from behind her ear to where her graceful neck met her shoulder. "That's because my appetite for you had _never_ been driven by the taint."

 **~oOOo~**

 ** _13 Kingsway, 9:37 Dragons_**

 _During one of our walks, Siobhan and I found a very secluded area northeast of Bron's cabin. It's near a small stream nestled within the foothills. I've decided to surprise Ali for our anniversary with a night under the stars._

 _Seanna, who thought it to be very romantic, has been a big help; we just came back from digging the fire pit there. She helped me bring the wood, a tent, and bedding. I'll bring the basket of bread, cheese, and cider with me when I go to the site and wait for Ali to arrive._

 _Elaina is going to give my note to Alistair when he comes in from the barn for the day. The note is simply a map with a time. After he leaves to meet me, she'll let everybody in on the secret (but not the location)._

 ** _14 Kingsway, 9:37 Dragon_**

 _I just returned from the healer. It turns out that the off-feeling I have been having is because I'm pregnant!_

 _I am also ecstatic, stunned, baffled, and anxious. Anders once told me that it was highly improbable for a warden and non-warden to have children together. Perhaps, being very intimate for six years helped us beat the odds? How is Alistair going to react? How will Siobhan and the boys react to having a baby brother or sister?_

 _I'd like to tell Ali now, but I think I will wait until tomorrow night and tell him as we eat dinner under the stars._

 ** _16 Kingsway  
9:37_**

 _I have been with the love of my life for six years. If that wasn't enough, I have three children who I love to pieces. Now Marnie and I will be welcoming our fourth child into the world sometime in Bloomingtide._

 _Marnie told me last night as we sat by a stream, eating bread and cheese, and drinking fresh apple cider._

 _Why by a stream, you ask? That was Marnie's surprise for celebrating our anniversary. I was given a map, and written at the bottom was "Half a candle before sunset." Following the map, which was quite good, I found Marnie standing in front of our tent. She was wearing a long fur-lined robe, and a smile._

 **~oOOo~**

Marnie smoothed a lock of black hair behind Lily's ear. Their six-year-old daughter was asleep for the night, curled up on her side holding her stuffed golem.

"She is so excited about the move." Alistair whispered as they closed her door and went up to their room.

"I know. She loves spending time with the animals here. She seems to have very calming effect on them." Marnie's eyes went wide and she looked at Alistair. "Do you think she may be a mage?"

Alistair chuckled. "Given yours and my family, it's certainly possible."

"True. At least mages are not taken to a Circle anymore."

Alistair stopped just inside the bedroom and crossed his arm over his chest. "Oh, by the way." He scowled. "You told your _journal_ you were pregnant before you told me?"

"I don't talk to my journal like you do."

"Still, you did write it down before telling me."

"You're not bothered by that, are you?"

Alistair merely arched an eyebrow.

"Seriously?"

Without a word, he lifted her in his arms and walked towards the bed.

"Ali?"

Laying her down on the bed he whispered in her ear. Marnie blushed crimson then she began to chuckle, then Alistair silenced her with a kiss.

 **~oOOo~**

 ** _23 Harvestmere  
9:37 _**

_We've been invited to Kaitlyn and Teagan's annual Satinalia masquerade ball and feast. Our invitation arrived yesterday and was addressed to the Theirin Family. I never thought I would see those words in relation to me and my own. I've been grinning ever since._

 _According to Dennet, Teagan hosts this event because he wants to celebrate the festival with the people in his arling, as opposed to he and Kaitlyn celebrating at the Palace. I think that the attention he and Kaitlyn give the arling is one of the things that make the Arl and Arlessa not only respected, but well-loved._

 _It is quite different from how Eamon and Isolde ruled Redcliffe. They were well-respected, and generally liked, but not loved. I don't remember Eamon and Isolde ever holding a Satinalia feast or any other festive event. My guess is that they went to ones at the Palace._

 _Oh, the event is 15 Firstfall._

 ** _28 Harvestmere, 9:37 Dragon_**

 _The house has been a hive of activity getting the pantry and farm ready for the winter. Ali and Dennet have been preparing the stables, and Elaina and Cricket have been bringing in the winter vegetables from the homestead garden._

 _I'm thankful that I'm no longer nauseous. There was a time last month were even the faint smell of food would set me off. Thankfully, Elaina had a remedy for that. It tastes awful, but it works, which is good because Seanna and I have been cooking food to store over winter._

 _It was my father who taught me how to cook. Mother never really learned as her family had servants. Father told me he had to learn because after his mother passed there was no one to cook for his father and brother. I asked him about my uncle, but father refused to speak of him, and refused to tell me why he refused to speak of him. There could be a whole other set of Hawkes out there, and I have wouldn't have an idea of where or who they were._

 _On top of all of this, we are figuring out what we want to wear to the ball. I asked Elaina if this was a masquerade as in wearing elaborate masks like the Orlesians. I was happy to hear that it wasn't. It just means to wear a costume of some kind. Elaina told me that one year, Dennet created a head-dress that looked like Dracolisk horns. She said, "It was beautifully done, but it wouldn't fit through the doors of the castle garderobes."_

 _Walter will be with us at the ball and feast, although, as he wrote, "The Arl has given me leave to remain in my armor." I'm amused but not surprised. Walter and I are similar in that respect. In Kirkwall, Mother would drag me to various balls, and I would ask if I could just go in my armor._

 _Unfortunately, the answer was always an unequivocal no._

 ** _16 Firstfall, 9:37 Dragon_**

 _Ali is still asleep. I'm glad he knows his limit or he would be among the very sore heads I saw this morning when I went to get some tea._

 _The party was wonderful. Many of our neighbors were there, and we were able to meet those who live in the other areas of Redcliffe. Our family, along with Dennett and Elaina are staying at the Castle, along with the Bann Perth of Rainesfere. Seanna is staying with the family of her best friend._

 _Cricket, Alistair, and I went to the ball as hawks: I wore my deep brown-colored gown that has light brown and white trim, I added light yellow-colored stomacher and braided small feathers into my hair._

Ali wore a doublet and pants in the same color as my dress but with deep red trim and a light yellow belt. Cricket proudly wore a smaller-sized version of Alistair's outfit. Alistair didn't wear feathers, but Cricket had a few tucked into his belt.

 _Siobhan was dressed as Wintersend. She wore a snow white cape, under which was a demure gown of green lawn with deep green trim. The green of the gown matched her eyes and she looked beautiful. She danced with several young men, including twice with the Bann Perth's son Torin, who was about two years older._

 _Ali kept a very careful watch of Siobhan's dance partners, which I teased him about._

 _Walter was not at all shy about asking young ladies to dance, and no one turned him down._

 _It was lovely to dance with Alistair. Shortly after we were engaged, Mother and I had taught him how to dance. I don't know if it's because he's an incredible swordsman or if it's just natural talent, because he was a very quick learner and is very graceful on his feet. He and I never went to balls in Kirkwall, but we would dance in the house or in the yard either to music in our heads or whenever Orana was willing to play her lute. We also taught Siobhan, Walter, and Cricket how to dance._

 ** _16 Firstfall_**

 ** _9:37_**

 _I've been hung-over before. So when I woke up mid-morning, I slowly opened one eye. As it didn't feel like it was being stabbed by light, I figured it was safe to open both. Happily, no headache._

 _I looked around the room. When Marnie and I came upstairs last night, the only thing I wanted to see was the bed with Marnie laying on it, preferably naked. It was late morning and she was asleep on the chaise. The book she was reading rested face down on her chest._

 _I know, Marnie doesn't nap. But then again, she's never been pregnant before._

 _I slipped on some trousers and padded over to my sleeping wife. She looked so beautiful. I bent over and gave her a soft kiss. She slowly opened her stunning blue eyes and smiled. That pretty much made my day._

 ** _12 Bloomingtide  
9:38_**

 _We welcomed Lily Leandra Theirin into the world today. She has black hair like her mother and a mouth like mine, but her bright green eyes all her own. When the healer finally let me in the room, Marnie was pale, but glowing, and Lily was already feeding. It was the most beautiful sight I have ever seen._

 _When I held my baby girl for the first time, her tiny, perfectly-formed hand gripped my little finger. I felt such love for her, it was staggering._

 _I now have two daughters and two sons and a life partner who is my world. I don't think my life could get any better._

 _Why would I need it to?_

 **~oOOo~**

"I wish I could have had given you more children." Marnie sighed.

I held her close. "I know you do. But I am perfectly happy with what we have."

"I am too, I just…well what's done is done. Shall we go to bed?"

Alistair grinned. "Why, yes, yes we should."

 **~oOOo~**

 **AN:** Thank you to all who have been reading and reviewing! Special thanks to ElyssaCousland my wonderful beta.


	14. Rough Times Ahead

**Rough Times Ahead**

 ** _1 Justinian, 9:38 Dragon Age  
To: Lady Marnie Theirin  
Ferelden_**

 _Greetings to you, Lady Theirin,_

 _I apologize for not writing sooner. There never seems to be enough hours in the day, and I was waiting until Anders' fate was decided._

 _He was taken to Val Royeaux only last month, where her Most Holy and Grand Enchanter Fiona interviewed him for several days. After which the Divine issued a Decree: If Anders was successfully separated from Justice, then he would be pardoned by the Divine and allowed to live free. If the attempted separation was unsuccessful, then he would be put to death. Under no condition was he to be made Tranquil._

 _Anders was grateful for not being made Tranquil. I don't believe he held out any hope of a successful separation, and seemed to be at peace with that. As he suspected, the attempt was unsuccessful. Mercifully the blade was very sharp._

 _As for Kirkwall, the rite of annulment was not completed; however, innocent blood was spilled, making Anders' name a rallying cry for those who favor mage freedom and those who seriously oppose it._

 _The timing of Meredith's death allowed the City Guard to focus on the crisis from the actual explosion and were able to restore order. This helped them save the most vulnerable of Kirkwall's citizens._

 _Thank you for saving Kirkwall from itself, once again. You are a true champion, and Kirkwall is better because of you._

 _May the Maker always be with you, may Andraste's grace shine down upon you, and may you enjoy the well-deserved gift of peace._

 _Cullen  
Knight-Commander  
Kirkwall _

**…** **.. ….. …. …. …. … …. … …. …. …. …. ….**

 _Marnie sat on the bed as she finished the letter. Lily was sleeping in her bassinet and everyone else was outside. Laying down, her thoughts drifted to the first time she encountered Anders. She was always a bit wary of Justice, but Anders became a friend. If the Divine felt that Anders could be forgiven, then she must have understood that his treatment at Kinloch contributed in large measure to why Justice turned to Vengeance. Marnie cried for yet another person close to her that she couldn't save._

 **~oOOo~**

Marnie wiped the errant tear from her cheek. "I always hoped that he was a peace. It's not like I could find him in the Fade."

"You had other things on your mind," Alistair said as he looked at the parchments included with the journals. He recognized the letters. "I don't know if we should go through these."

Marnie was quiet for a while. "I think we should. It was painful, but I like to think that it brought us even closer together."

" _That's_ true. Although, for a while I thought…"

"I know, I thought so too, but we both came to our senses."

 **~oOOo~**

 ** _8 August, 9:38 Dragon_**

 _I received a letter from Varric yesterday. It seems like Meredith's death is going to continue to dog my steps. I already feel uneasy about the future; his letter didn't help._

 _Although, the way he writes the dates is so flowery!_

 ** _The 4_** ** _th_** ** _Day of August  
Year 9:38 of the Dragon Age  
To: Hawke and Golden Boy_**

 _Hawke,_

 _Congratulations to you and Golden Boy on the birth of Lily Leandra. Donnic and Aveline are also having a baby. If they have a girl, they want to call her Rose._

 _Daisy, Lily, Rose, and Cricket. If I start talking about them someone will think I'm a gardener. Can you imagine what a dwarf would do with a garden?_

 _I know Curly wrote to you about Anders. I would like to think he is finally at peace._

 _Peace however, is nowhere in sight for the Free Marches. The already strained relations between the mages and the templars are starting to worsen. Cullen is having trouble finding good templars. Who knew that a Circle called the Gallows would attract mage-hating templars?_

 _Speaking of which, templars from the White Spire are sniffing around Kirkwall trying to find the woman who 'murdered' Knight-Commander Meredith (apparently that leaked out somehow). The only names they know are Hawke or the Champion and you don't use either moniker any more. Aside from Cullen and me, the only other people in Kirkwall who know who and where you are are Aveline and Fenris, and we aren't telling. If anyone asks, we say that we have no idea where you are._

 _Daisy and Isabella are off on an adventure somewhere; they rarely dock in Kirkwall._

 _For now, don't write unless you need to. I am setting up a dead-drop._

 _Details to follow._

 _Your storyteller,  
V_

 _p.s. Tales of the Champion will go to my publisher in two months._

 ** _23 August, 9:38 Dragon  
To: The Theirin Family  
Redcliffe Farms_**

 _Dear Alistair and Marnie,_

 _You've undoubtedly received the formal announcement from the Crown about my appointment as the Ferelden Ambassador to the Imperial Court of Orlais (I don't know what I did to be given this appointment, but His Majesty assures me it isn't meant as a punishment)._

 _I request your permission to ask Walter to accompany me to Orlais and continue serving as my squire while I'm there. Your son has proven himself to be a clever, personable, level-headed young man, who has given my Knights many tough sparring matches. As you know, he decided to learn Orlesian due to our proximity to the border, and is doing quite well._

 _With your consent, I will ask Walter if he is willing._

 _Fondly,  
Teagan_

 ** _22 August  
9:38 Dragon  
To: Castle Redcliffe_**

 _Your Grace, Arl Teagan Guerrin of Redcliffe,_

 _Both my wife and I are honored by the high regard in which you hold our son. You have our permission to make this generous offer to him. We would be surprised if Walter declines._

 _If he accepts, we humbly ask that you give him leave to visit us before your departure. If not, then we ask permission to come visit him at the Castle._

 _Your humble servant,  
Alistair Theirin_

 _p.s. A less stilted letter will follow._

 **~oOOo~**

"Walter was thrilled to accompany Teagan." Marnie smiled at the memory.

"Teagan was very proud of the way he handled himself at court, especially after what Gaspard tried to do."

Marnie rolled her eyes. "Walter had far more patience for the Imperial court than either of _us_ did."

"The Grand Game, what a load of…"

Marnie pressed a finger to his lips and whispered "Shh. I hear small feet coming up the stairs."

"Mommy?" Lily stood at the landing, stuffed Golem in one hand and her blanket in the other. Her black hair was messy from sleep, and she looked troubled.

Marnie went to her. "What's wrong, sweetheart?"

She threw her arms around her mother's neck and began to cry. "I had a n-nightmare. I…I dreamt th…that Daddy left and…and didn't come home!"

Alistair was already kneeling next to Marnie. "Lily-pad, I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere." He held out his arms; Lily threw herself into them and cried.

Alistair stood up with Lily clinging to him all three went back to her bedroom and sat with her until she fell asleep. Back up in their room, Alistair ran his hand through his hair. "Do you think she remembers?"

"I don't think so. She was too young. At least, I hope she was."

 **~oOOo~**

 ** _30 Kingsway  
9:38_**

 _I was getting ready to muck out River Dancer's stall. The boots I wear when dealing with large quantities of horse dung stay in the barn. This morning I found this note in my left boot. No one saw anyone deliver it._

* * *

 _Amigo,_

 _I hope this finds you and your exquisite wife still enjoying as much of each other as you were the last time we met. Yes, my friend, you were quiet enough for some people's hearing. Happily, my ears were able to hear you both quite clearly. You are a lucky man._

 _I will contact you when I arrive._

* * *

 _That's all there is. I have to hand it to Zevran, while the letter was very vague, he did manage to let me know it was him. The night he refers to is one at the base of Sundermount, after saving Zevran from the Crows. Trust me, it was a very memorable night, and I will never tell Marnie that we were overheard._

 _Anyway. I'm quite sure that whatever circumstances Zevran alludes to can't possibly be good news._

 **~oOOo~**

Marnie's face was as red as beetroots. "You mean he heard _everything_?"

"Afraid so." Alistair couldn't help but give her that lopsided Theirin smile.

Marnie buried her face in her hands.

 **~oOOo~**

 ** _12 Harvestmere  
9:38_**

 _I received another note from Zevran. This one was actually delivered by a messenger and not left in my boot, but still not dated:_

* * *

 _Mi Amigo,_

 _Through an interesting confluence of events, I have discovered that your father was not lost at sea, but abducted at by an agent of a Tevinter magister. In my efforts to free myself of the Crows, I have been clipping talons, quite successfully I might add. During these activities I discovered that one of the higher talons was the agent responsible for your father's abduction._

 _As you may remember, the Crows do not approve of outside influence in Crow affairs. Having someone so high in the ranks being on the leash of a magister is considerably more upsetting than a rogue assassin, such as me. Naturally I investigated._

 _Your father was abducted by a 3_ _rd_ _Talon Prince at the behest of his master, Magister Aurelius Titus. He was not brought directly to Tevinter. Instead he was held in the Crow's prison, Velabanchel. Your father spent four years there until he escaped with the help of "the Beast of the Tellari swamps," a witch named Yavana. Your father was not seen for a year until he was captured by the Prince and brought to Titus's fort, Ath Velanis, in Seheron._

 _I have much more to tell you and will see you soon._

* * *

 _Given this note he will be coming here… at some point._

 _On a cheerier note, Lily is six-months old today. I love making her laugh! She's usually a happy baby, unless her nappy needs changing or she's hungry._

 _Anyway. The one problem is that she refuses to nap. When she goes to sleep at night she stays asleep. But during the day she is wide awake, which keeps Marnie and I busy. Marnie says it was like that with Bethany until Beth was a year old._

 _The local armorer helped Marnie create a back pack that Lily could sit in. This way she could be carried without using your hands. It was a great idea. Lily loves being carried around and looks at everything, and Marnie or I can go about our work._

 _Cricket and Siobhan love Lily, and love taking her around in the "Lily Pack." Dennet and Elaina are like grandparents to her. Dennet keeps telling me that between Siobhan and Lily, I will be spending a lot of time making the lives of many, many young men very difficult. Marnie just grins._

 **~oOOo~**

"Zevran arrived when? About a week after that note?" Alistair asked.

"One week, two days, and one candle. But who's counting," Marnie replied with a disarming smile. They both remembered the day Zevran came to the Farm.

 **…** **.. ….. …. …. …. … …. … …. …. …. …. ….**

 _"Ah_ _bellissima_ _you look sun-kissed, happy, and fit. Where is your strapping husband?_

 _"Behind you, Zev."_

 _"Ah, no doubt admiring the view_. _"_

 _"Yes, my Lily-pad is very beautiful."_

 _Zev laughed as he turned to see Alistair holding Lily, who was snuggled into her father's chest watching Zevran carefully._

 _He approached and bowed. "Lady Lily, it is a privilege to meet you." He held out his hand and Lily reached for it holding his finger. The normally cavalier assassin looked completely enraptured. "She has an amazing grip. Very strong and very beautiful, just like her mother."_

 _"Let's go inside so you can tell us your news," Marnie offered._

 **~oOOo~**

 _ **AN** : Thank you to Melysande and Judy for your reviews! Judy, I wish I knew how to pm you my thanks. Many thank yous to my beta ElyssaCousland_


	15. Partners in all things

**Partners in All Thing** ** _s…_**

 _Continued…_

 _Zevran, Alistair, and Marnie sat in the study. Lily happily sat on Alistair's lap._

 _"As I mentioned in my letter, your father was abducted on his way to the Free Marches by Prince Claudio Valisti at the command of Tevinter Magister Aurelius Titus. The Prince is a third Talon in the Crow organization."_

 _"What's a Talon?" Marnie asked._

 _"The Crows are comprised of family houses. It is a way to compartmentalize the guild. Overseeing all the houses and directing the Crows as a guild are eight talons, each talon is associated with its own house. Valisti is one of the third talons"_

 _Marnie nodded in understanding. "So, fairly high up in the Crow organization."_

 _"Indeed, and for a Talon to hold an allegiance to anyone outside of the Crows, especially one that is outside of Antiva, is not tolerated. I have made the Crows aware of Valisti's shocking activities, and the potential problem it would be for the Crows to be seen conspiring with Tevinter to capture a ruling monarch._

 _"I have been in contact with your King and Queen. Naturally, they are angered over King Maric's abduction by a Tevinter magister. Wars have been fought over less. However, Ferelden is in no position to declare war."_

 _Alistair grinned. "I take it that you have found a way to turn this situation to your favor?"_

 _Zevran smiled serenely. "The Crows need me if they want to fulfill this contract. They know it and have agreed that the contract on my life will be rescinded."_

 _Marnie looked at Zevran like he was crazy. "You are going to waltz into Tevinter and assassinate a Magister?"_

 _"Well, I am a graceful dancer."_

 _"So what do you need from us? Alistair asked._

 _"Alistair, your King and Queen would like you to come to Denerim with me and meet with them." He handed Alistair a small note._

 _Marnie looked at Alistair. "What does it say?"_

 _"It just confirms that the King and Queen are requesting to meet with me and Zevran at the Palace."_

 _"Yes, but why?" Marnie asked Zevran_

 _Before Zevran could answer, Alistair said, "It's a royal summons. I assume they will tell me when I get there."_

 _"When do you need to leave for Denerim?"_

 _"I was told as soon as possible." Zevran shrugged. "That would mean leaving tomorrow or the day after."_

 _"Nothing like advanced warning." Alistair grumbled._

 _Marnie sighed. "Yes, nothing like it at all. But if Anora and Fergus want to see you, then see you they shall."_

 **~oOOo~**

 _ **21 Harvestmere  
9:38**_

 _Zevran and I are on the road to Denerim. I don't know what Anora and Fergus want from me._

 _I don't know what to feel right now. Why would a magister want my father? Who is this Yavana and why break him out of a Crow prison? Is my father still alive? Just when I thought my life was settled down, this comes up. I mean really…what am I supposed to do? What can I do?_

 _I really hate having so many questions! I am starting to feel like I did during the Blight. You remember how I would write all of my thoughts in you, all of my questions and problems. I had so many doubts. It's like it's happing again…although there is no Archdemon, and Marnie is no longer just a dream._

 _I think I'll just stop babbling now and go to sleep._

 _ **22 Harvestmere, 9:38 Dragon**_

 _Alistair is on his way to Denerim with Zevran. Perhaps Anora and Fergus want someone to advise them – one who knows about the Crows and, more importantly, knows and trusts the man acting as negotiator._

 _That would make sense…I think._

 _ **27 Harvestmere  
9:38**_

 _When we arrived at the palace this afternoon, we were taken to the King's study where Zevran, Anora, Fergus and I sat comfortably in front of the fireplace. Before I could say anything, Anora and Fergus looked at Zevran and nodded their heads._

 _Zevran explained that before my father was first abducted, Titus was a magister with no family and no property. Not long after Maric was stolen away from the Tellari swamp, Titus quickly grew powerful, first magically, then because it's Tevinter, politically. His fortress at Ath Velanis is seemingly impregnable._

 _When I asked his how he knew this, he gave me his typically enigmatic smile and said that he has his own informants now._

 _Then he told me that he has been serving as a negotiator between our King and Queen and the Crows. Both parties want the traitor-talon Valisti and Titus eliminated._

 _Zevran does not think that Titus' rise to power and my father's abduction were unrelated. According the Zev, Titus leads a very secretive dragon cult "Manaveris Dracona" - long live the dragons. Kolgrim thought he had a cult, but Zevran said that compared to Titus they were like children playing with toys._

 _'Okaaaay' I was thinking, 'what does this have to do with my father?'_

 _So, I asked._

 _According to Zevran, he learned about a legend the Qunari had about Calenhad, before he became king. The legend claims that he drank the blood of a great dragon, which gave him the strength to fight and become King,_

 _Yes…you heard me…(or read me, or whatever else you do as a journal)…he drank the blood of a great dragon._

 _Anyway._

 _The legend also claims that the power of that dragon's blood runs through the blood of all male descendants of King Calenhad. That would include my father and, apparently, me._

 _Titus' dragon cult, his rise to power, and the timing of my father's abduction may seem like unrelated events until you take into account the Qunari legend. If the legend is true, then it all makes sense and Titus has somehow used my father's blood to fuel his power._

 _If Titus has been using my father's blood over the past eight years, he may still be alive!_

 _Zevran explained that with Titus dead, it would be possible to enter Ath Velanis and, hopefully, rescue him._

 _It was at that point that Anora and Fergus adjourned our meeting for dinner. They told us that we would continue the discussion in the morning. I took dinner in my room because I am still trying to sort all of this out._

 _ **30 Harvestmere  
9:38**_

 _Things are sorted out. On the 6rd of Haring, Zevran and I will be attending a ball in Qarinus, to kill a magister – then infiltrate his fortress to find my father._

 _But I'm getting ahead of myself._

 _We met with Anora and Fergus after breakfast, and Zevran shared the identity of one of his informants._

 _Varric._

 _How does Varric have information about a Tevinter Magister? Well, his late cousin Thorold was married to a Magister named Maevaris Telani. Varric, who is very fond of his cousin's widow, keeps in contact with her. Mae (he calls her Mae) is the source of our information on Titus, and she can get Varric and I into the Ball._

 _At first, I was dubious about killing a powerful magister, but according to Zevran (and Mae), away from Ath Velanis he is vulnerable. He can be poisoned like any other, and if you put a dagger through his heart he will die. It is getting through his entourage that Zev says is the most problematic. Which is why the ball is the ideal place. As an elf, Zev can blend in with the servants and slaves and strike from there. Then there is Varric and his crossbow._

 _So where do I come in? I have Templar abilities. I can temporarily take Titus down, if Zevran needs help. As for Ath Velanis, if we can kill Titus, the Qunari will attack the fortress to give us time to get in. No, Zevran would not tell me how he managed that deal._

 _Anora and Fergus made it clear that they were asking but not commanding me to go. That if the unthinkable happens, my family will be supported and under the Crown's protection. They also said that I had time to think about it. But I didn't need to. I said I'd go. Everyone looked at me in surprise._

 _I don't know why. It's my father. I have to try and rescue him._

 _ **6 First Fall, 9:38 Dragon**_

 _Alistair is going to Qarinus to kill the Magister who abducted his father. Lily is 7 months old, we have finally settled in and now he wants to go a kill a magister. He said his templar powers would help, but this isn't a straight up fight. This fight requires an assassin, which Zevran is, and stealth, which Alistair has not!_

 _At first, when he told me, I was furious at Anora and Fergus because I thought they were forcing him to go. I was trying to come up with ways to fight this._

 _Then Alistair told me that he wasn't forced, that it was his choice._

 _My world spun. I felt faint and quickly sat down on the bed. His choice? How could he make this kind of decision without even talking to me? I thought we were partners in all things?_

 _I asked him that. He told me that this was a special case, that it was his father who may still be alive._

 _I tried to talk him out of it. I tried to reason with him. I told him that he would be leaving Dennet shorthanded. He said he had that worked out. I tried any logical argument that came to mind. What if this Magister isn't as vulnerable as Zevran believes? What if this legend of Calenhad was just that: a legend? All to no avail._

 _Alistair was clearly frustrated with me and finally snapped, "What would you do if it were your father?_

 _I was stunned by the question. I thought about it, but I shook my head. I told him I wouldn't abandon him and our children to do it, and my father would have agreed._

 _He said that he wasn't abandoning us. I began to cry, and then I begged and pleaded for him to stay. I asked him what would happen to our family if he died? Lily would grow up not knowing him._

 _He said he was sorry, but that he had to do this. For his father, but also for himself, and for Ferelden. He even tried to joke by saying "At least Titus isn't the Archdemon."_

 _I just stared at him, I remembered what he said in Kirkwall the morning before we killed the high dragon. 'That's what I'm here for. To be your partner in all things and comfort you with witty one-liners.' I reminded him of that and told him that he seemed to have forgotten the partner part, and the humor was not a comfort._

 _Wiping my eyes, I stood up and started to leave the room. I felt we had to tell Siobhan and Cricket. He gently took hold of my arm and asked me not to leave._

 _I pulled my arm away and I told him that when I woke up this morning my life was complete, relaxed, and happy. Now, I find out that my husband agreed to take on a mission that has a good chance of taking him away not just for a couple of months, but forever._

 _I left the room._

 _ **6 First Fall  
9:38 **_

_Marnie and I had a huge fight. Yes, it was about my going to Tevinter. I have never seen Marnie look so hurt, not even after Leandra died. I know it's my fault, but I don't know what to do about it. I can't not go. If I had talked her first, maybe I could have lessened the surprise, but I still would have chosen to go. I am at a complete loss._

 _On top of that, telling Cricket and Siobhan was harder than I thought it would be. Both of them were frightened. Marnie, despite her fear, told them how my templar abilities could really make the difference, and how Maric was the life blood of Ferelden, and how Ferelden was never the same without him._

 _After, when I went to our bedroom I found Marnie standing by the fireplace. She looked at me when I came in, all I saw was hurt and anger._

 _I told her I was grateful for her help with telling Cricket and Siobhan. She simply nodded. Then I asked her how could she say all of that about my father, and not see why I have to go?_

 _Her voice sounded strained as she tried not to cry, "Because you are my life blood, and all I can see is it pooling on the floor." Then she ran out of the room. I was going to go after her, but what would be the point of that? I decided to just go to bed. Perhaps a solution will present itself in my dreams, as none has made it presence known while I was awake._

 _ **7 First Fall  
9:38 **_

_I woke up this morning and reached for Marnie, but she wasn't there. I opened my eyes and realized that she hadn't come to bed last night, so I went to find her. Marnie was coming out of Lily's room. She startled when she saw me. Clearly she had slept there as well. I asked her why._

 _She said, "Because it hurts too much to be near you right now."_

 _I asked how long she would be sleeping in the Lily's room._

 _"Until you leave for Tevinter."_

 _That summed up the rest of the day._

 **~oOOo~**

 **AN** This was a tough chapter to write and I am grateful to my Beta ElyssaCousland for her help and support. Thank you to Melysande and Judy for your reviews.


	16. A Heart Freely Given

**A Heart Freely Given**

 _ **8 First Fall, 9:38 Dragon**_

 _Yesterday, after seeing him in the morning, I avoided Alistair for the rest of the day. Being around him was so upsetting, it was like a physical pain. I spent the night in Lily's room, again. Now I can at least think more clearly.  
_

 _Was fighting the Arishok as dangerous as trying to assassinate a powerful Tevinter Magister? I know Ali was scared when I fought the Arishok and he was mad at me, but realized it was his fear driving the anger, and the fear came from his underestimating my fighting skills._

 _But really, are his fighting skills and his templar abilities the issue? No. Especially as it isn't just him: he has Varric and Zevran. They will protect him if they can. I know they will._

 _What is really bothering me is that he never talked to me before saying yes. I keep thinking back to when I fought the Arishok: I had no time to consult with him._

 _Ali, however, did have the time. He could have come home first. But he didn't. When he told me that we were partners in all things, he was repeating part of our marriage vows. He broke that vow when he said yes to the King and Queen without so much as a 'hey you' to me._

 _It feels like I didn't matter, like "we" didn't matter. He broke a vow to me, and that is was hurts so damn much._

 _Andraste guide me, help me find my way back to Alistair._

 ** _8 First Fall_**  
 ** _9:38_**

 _Yesterday, Marnie avoided me like I carried the Blight. That night, as she did the night before, she slept in Lily's room._

 _Thankfully, Elaina and Seanna have been keeping Cricket and Siobhan busy. They know that Marnie and I need time to sort through this._

 _But will we be able to?_

 _She's right, I could have come home and talked with her before giving my answer._

 _Why didn't I?_

 _Because I knew she would be against the idea (honestly if the shoes were reversed, I would be against it too) and I didn't want to be talked out of it._

 _Can Varric, Zevran, and I succeed? I believe so, but Marnie doesn't. Why doesn't she? She should have confidence in my abilities, as well and Zev's and Varric's!_

 **~oOOo~**

Alistair put the journal down and looked at Marnie. "We were certainly at cross-purposes weren't we?"

Marnie sighed. "Indeed we were."

Alistair shook his head ruefully. "We got into quite a yelling match that night. Fortunately, we were not in earshot of anyone"

 **... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ..**. **.. ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ..**

 _My hands were wet and soapy as I washed the dinner dishes. That's when Ali placed a note next to me and whispered "Please," as he walked away._

 _I quickly finished up and read the note. It was a map. A familiar map, a map to where we spent our wedding anniversary. I grabbed my warm cloak and was going to tell Cricket and Siobhan, but Elaina just shooed me out the door._

 _When I got to our campsite, Alistair had already built a fire. He was sitting on a log next to it when he saw me. His face looked as emotionless as I felt. He patted the space next to him on the log, but I sat down on the ground instead._

 _"Damn it, Marnie, you are not going to lose me!"_

 _I crossed my arms and said snidely, "Then I'll rejoice when you return."_

 _"Maker's sake. Stop this! You can't treat me like I'm already dead!"_

 _"Why not? Did you not essentially do the same thing when you agreed to go to Tevinter? I might as well have been dead for all the consideration you gave me!"_

 _"Is_ that _what this is all about? You're behaving like this because I didn't talk to you first?"_

 _I stood up, furious. "How dare you sound so dismissive! Do I have to remind you that when we married we vowed to honor each other and be partners in all things?"_

 _Alistair blinked in surprise, then sighed. "Marnie, love, I'm sorry I didn't-"_

 _I held up my hand. "No! 'I'm sorry' doesn't cut it. How can I trust that you'll never do something like this again?"_

 _Alistair stood up facing me, his voice contrite. "Because I'm swearing to you that I won't."_

 _"Don't you dare, Alistair! Don't swear a vow you cannot keep."_

 _"Cannot keep? So now you doubt my word as well as my abilities?" He threw up his hands. "Wonderful! I can't win, can I? I am sorry to be such a disappointment as a husband, Madam!" Alistair turned away, then looked over his shoulder at me. "Perhaps you should find someone more biddable."_

 _I couldn't believe that he was walking away. My heart was breaking, but I tried to hide it. "Perhaps you, messere, should find someone who doesn't expect you to keep pesky vows...Someone...who doesn't love you enough to be hurt when they're broken."_

 _Alistair stopped but didn't turn around._

 _"I gave you my heart when I married you…Even if you leave, I will never ask for its return."_ _I looked back at the fire and was about to sit down when Alistair was suddenly there, pulling me into a tight embrace. His lips collided with mine in a kiss that tore down all the walls we had put up around ourselves. I clung to him like my life depended on it._

 _When he pulled away, he looked at me, his eyes glistening with tears. "I am so sorry I didn't talk to you first. I should have. I can't promise you would have changed my mind, but that wasn't the point, was it? The point was showing you the love and respect you deserve."_

 _"I'm sorry, too. I shouldn't have been such a shrew when you told me. At first, I was shocked and so scared of losing you. Once the fear ebbed, I got so tied up in your not talking to me first, that I pushed you into thinking you were a disappointment. You could never be a disappointment, Alistair. You will always be the honorable, kind, wonderful man I married."_

 _He brushed a tear from my cheek. "And I will spend the rest of my life showing you just how much I love you and treasure you."_

 _Kissing, Ali and I laid down near the fire._

 **~oOOo~**

Putting the journals back in the box, Marnie looked thoughtful. "For a while afterward, I wished that fight had never happened, but…"

"It brought us even closer together." Alistair pulled her into his arms, then kissed her.

Marnie pulled away and grinned slyly.

"What?"

"I found dirt in the oddest places when I bathed the following morning."

Alistair chuckled. "There was no way a lack of a bedroll was going to stop us."


	17. Of Horse and Dagger

**Of Horse and Dagger**

 ** _13 Firstfall, 9:38 Dragon_**

 _Ali and I are still treating each other with extreme delicacy. Each touch, hug, and kiss is gentle, careful, as if we are making sure that it is welcomed. We are almost back to normal – but full normal will have to wait until Ali comes home._

 _He and Zevran left this morning, riding Sunset and River Dancer. After a brief stop in Kirkwall to pick up Varric, they will make their way straight to Qarinus. They should get there just in time for the ball._

 _Apparently Varric procured a trained donkey and will ride alongside Zev and Ali. They won't make as good time if it were three horses, but they allowed for that in the timetable. I am still trying to imagine Varric riding anything, much less a donkey. He is a one-Dwarf wonder, and is undoubtedly prepared for the inevitable Ass jokes that will trip off the lips of both Zevran and my husband._

 _But the bitch of all of this is I have no idea how long they'll be gone. Travel time alone is well over a month. Fortunately, it's wintertime. Crossing the Silent Plains in the heat would have been brutal. This time of year it's much cooler, even quite cold at night, but they're prepared for that as well._

 _Still, if the unthinkable happens, how will I know? News in Tevinter is hardly likely to make its way to me. My only hope is that the King and Queen have a way to find out._

 _Andraste guide them and keep them safe._

 ** _18 Firstfall, 9:38 Dragon_**

 _It seems that Teagan and their Majesties have worked together to keep Cricket and Siobhan occupied while Ali is away. Teagan, as our Ambassador to the Imperial Court, met with the Chancellor of the University of Orlais. Specifically, they talked about Cricket and his desire to study botany with an eye towards finding a way to heal blighted land. Teagan and the Chancellor have arranged for a private tutor to work with Cricket in Denerim at the Palace, to start him on learning the foundational knowledge he will need before applying to the university._

 _Siobhan will also be going to the Palace, also courtesy of Orlais. The young ladies of our Fereldan nobility have recently taken up an Orlesian sport called Dressage. The import of this sport is a form of cultural exchange, so Teagan told me. As far as I can understand Dressage is special training for horses that builds upon their natural ability and willingness to be attentive to the rider. More importantly, the horse and rider work together, developing, as Teagan explained, a 'oneness' of being._

 _Siobhan is bringing Elfroot. Within a month after Siobhan arrived here, the 10-year-old mare attached herself to my daughter. Elfroot got her name "on a lark," Dennet said. He was tired of fancy sounding names. She is a beautiful horse. Siobhan is eager to learn Dressage. She is also looking forward to the interdictions, because she learned from Dennet (who supplied several of the horses) that most have been given "fancy sounding" Orlesian names._

 _As Siobhan told me, aping the cultured tones we've both heard in Ferelden: '"This is my horse Jolie Fie." "This is my horse Belle Fleur." Then I walk up and say "This is my horse, Elfroot."'_

 _Siobhan and I have very similar senses of humor. What I wouldn't give to see the expression on the genteel faces of some our noble young ladies!_

 _Soon, two of my children will be ensconced in the Palace, enjoying themselves and focusing on something other than what is happening on the other side of Thedas, for which I am truly grateful._

 ** _30 Firstfall, 9:38 Dragon_**

 _I am feeling a bit out of sorts. My husband is somewhere between Orlais and Tevinter. Walter is in Orlais with Teagan, Siobhan and Cricket are at the Palace. Elaina and Dennet have gone to South Reach to visit with Dennet's Sister's family. Seanna and Bran are tending the horses. It is really just Lily and me. I have taken up drawing again. I thought I would draw pictures of Lily, so when Ali get home he can see how she's grown..._

 _Siobhan wrote to me about the introduction of Elfroot. It was just as she pictured. There were 10 young ladies including Siobhan, and all of their horses had Orlesian names. Then she introduced Elfroot. She wrote, "The other girls started to look down their noses at me, but our two Dressage trainers— one is Orlesian and the other is Fereldan—both said that Elfroot is the best trained, and best behaved horse. Our Fereldan Dressage trainer, Master Colin, told me that she is also the most beautiful horse."_

 _I love it._

 ** _7 Haring, 9:38 Dragon,_**

 _Yesterday was the Ball in Qarinus; today Lily said, "Dada." I really don't have the heart to write anything else._

 **~oOOo~**

Marnie placed the journal back in the box. "I really didn't have the heart to write anything until you came home."

He pulled her into his arms. "The pictures you drew of Lily were beautiful; I knew I was going to miss so much, but your drawings really captured her growth."

 **~oOOo~**

 ** _15 Wintermarch, 9:39 Dragon_**

 _I have been sleeping on Ali's side of the bed, on my left side facing the door. I have also reverted back to my Kirkwall habit of sleeping with a dagger under my pillow, which I can reach with my right hand. Last night, something woke me up. I kept my eyes closed as I listened. Someone was definitely in the room; I could hear footsteps moving slowing across the floor. My hand was already under my pillow and I gripped the dagger. Just as I cracked open my eyes I heard the dresser creak sharply and a grunting groan._

 _While the dark shape was hunched over and its back to me, I quickly took the advantage. Slipping out of bed, I pressed the dagger against the intruder's back and said, "Move and you die."_

 _Then I heard, "It would figure that I kill a Magister only to be stabbed by my wife in my own bedroom"_

 _I dropped the dagger._

 **~oOOo~**

 **AN:** Thank you to the readers! Special thanks to Judy, Melysande, and KoraKendalls for your reviews, and to my fabulous Beta ElyssaCousland. Melysande, ElyssaCousland, and KoraKendalls are terrific authors who all have active stories I highly recommend!

 **Melysande** I Shall Endure Book 2: In Plain Sight

 **ElyssaCousland** There and Back Again

 **KoraKendalls** Made to be Broken


	18. Farwells

**Farewells**

 ** _16 Wintermarch, 9:39 Dragon_**

 _I spent the day practically attached to Ali, just making sure he was really there. At first, I was worried about how Lily would react. Since she had started saying "Da Da." I had sketched a couple of pictures of Ali, and Ali holding Lily, so she had a face to go with Da Da._

 _I needn't have worried. Once Alistair said "Lily Pad," she smiled and said "Dada, up!" Ali melted._

 **~oOOo~**

"I'm really glad you didn't stab first and ask questions later."

Marnie smiled. "I've never been a princess stabbity-stab."

Alistair laughed. "I was a happy puddle of goo when she said, 'dada up.'"

"You did look adorably happy."

 **~oOOo~**

 ** _17 Wintermarch, 9:39 Dragon_**

 _I am writing this down in part because I can't talk about it, but also because it represents the final moments of King Maric of Ferelden._

 _We entered the ballroom and I had to admit, after listening to Fenris, I thought there would be naked slaves, virgin sacrifices, blood cocktails…complete hedonism. But that wasn't the case. It looked like a typical formal event for nobility: everyone was wearing fancy clothes, drinking wine and eating small tidbits. The one thing that was different from other parties was the undercurrent of magic. My templar senses were practically tingling with it._

 _Maevaris gave us a warm welcome. She was an attractive woman with a kind, but mischievous smile. She was also an extremely powerful mage._

 _Like other parties, people were dancing. The music was different, not the complicated, slightly high-pitched Orlesian music. This sound was beautiful, haunting. I thank my stars that Leandra and Marnie were able to teach me to dance because it was easier to blend in on the dance floor; it also saved Mae's feet from being stomped on._

 _It took a while before I saw Zevran; I almost didn't recognize him. Yes, he'd covered his facial tattoo, but it wasn't that. It was the complete subservience in his posture, voice, and expression that made him seem like all the other elven servants. Not something I even imagined Zevran Arainai could do._

 _Mae and I left the dance floor briefly; that's when Aurelius Titus arrived._

 _To say he was a powerful mage would be like saying the Amaranthine ocean was wet. The only magic I have ever felt that was stronger was Archie. Yet there was something familiar about his magic. I had no idea what._

 _As soon as Titus walked in, he was surrounded by people trying to curry his favor or simply get him to acknowledge them. I looked at Mae. "How much different was his magic before my father disappeared?"_

 _"You would never have been able to pick him out in a crowd."_

 _It turned out that killing Titus was not as hard as I thought it was going to be. So much so, I had to wonder why no one had ever tried. Mae told me that people in Tevinter were so used to complicated covert power plays that they tended to overthink things._

 _Sounds like The Grand Game to me._

 _When I saw Zevran serve Titus a drink, I led Mae to the dance floor. It was a fast-paced song, so I could whisk her around and get closer to Zevran and Titus. I could tell when Titus felt the effect of the poison: he looked a bit confused. Then I watched his expression change from confused, to surprised, to pained and then into fear. It was the fear that worried me—would he lash out, use blood magic?_

 _I closed in just has he fell to his knees; two men who I thought were hangers on, were his guards. One was looking around trying to find the threat while keeping everyone away from the now gasping magister. The other was using magic to determine what was wrong. When he shook his head at Titus, the magister fought the effects of the poison as he drew a dagger._

 _That's when I let out the biggest smite I had ever dealt. It flattened the magister and allowed the poison to finish its job._

 _Of course, at that point I was kind of exposed._

 _Mae helped us get out of the ballroom and the four of us boarded the waiting Qunari scout ship and went to the dead Magister's fortress._

 _It was chaos at Ath Velanis. Titus was dead, and the Qunari were shelling the outer walls. Everyone was running for their lives and didn't pay us much attention. We only had to fight a guard or two._

 _When we entered into the fort, I felt the pull of something – something calling to my blood, but it wasn't darkspawn and it wasn't the surroundings. It was something separate, but familiar, and powerful. I felt the tug of power so strongly, I followed it._

 _It led us to a thick oak door on the lowest level of the keep. It was the kind of door that would require gaatlok to break. Fortunately, Varric is a decent lock-pick. I entered the room first. The walls were lined with bookshelves. It looked like a library, save for the large metal sculpture of a dragon's claw, holding a large sphere filled with a red liquid._

 _It was a macabre sight and I had to force myself to see what my mind was trying to hide: the sphere was filled with blood._ _Vine-like tubes rose up from it and were attached to the arms and legs of the man suspended over it._

 _I realized that the source of the power I'd felt was not coming from the sphere, but from the man. I moved closer so I could see the face hidden behind the curtain of iron-gray hair._

 _It was Maric…it was my father._

 _Varric was about to put a bolt into the sphere, but Mae stopped him. She said it was a magrallen, which meant nothing to me. Then she explained that Titus must have been using it to augment his magic by manipulating the Fade._

 _It was powered by blood magic…it was powered by my father's blood._

 _I gasped. "For eight years!?"_

 _Mae told me that my father was in a Fade sleep; she had a more complicated name for it, but the magrallen was keeping his body and mind connected, and his body alive. For all intents and purposes, my father had been living a fade dream._

 _Zevran, having climbed the rigging and verified that my father was alive, started to cut through the straps holding Maric aloft. When he cut through the first leather cuff all of the tendrils connecting Maric to the sphere suddenly snapped off. The sphere began to hum as the blood began to swirl within._

 _Mae told us to get away from the sphere; she assured us she could shield Maric and withstand the magical backlash, but she told us to 'get out and don't come back until I say so.'_

 _Closing the door behind us, we stood in the hall to the side of the door and waited. Soon, we felt a long rumble, then a bright light shone under the floor at the same time as we heard the sound of shattering glass._

 _We waited until the sounds of falling glass subsided, then Varric couldn't wait any longer and opened the door. We ran in to see Mae crouched under a desk to protect her body from the falling glass. I looked up; Father was still suspended and surrounded by Mae's shield. I could still feel the pull of his blood...he was alive._

 _Once the last fine bits of glass settled, the four of us got my father down. I held his head in my lap as Mae laid her hands over his chest, trying to heal what she could. After what felt like forever, Maric took in a deep breath, coughed, then opened his eyes. He looked completely disoriented. He blinked a few times and then his eyes found mine. His voice was a rasping whisper. "Ali…Alistair?"_

 _I was stunned. "You know me?"_

 _"Yesss. I…I watched you in the….Fade."_

 _"Let's heal you and get you out of here."_

 _He slowly shook his head. "I'm be...beyond…but…there are thi….things you…you need to know." He closed his eyes and tried to swallow. Varric gave Mae his water flask, and she helped get some down Maric's throat._

 _I felt useless. I could only watch and wait._

 _His eyes opened again, he seemed weaker, but his voice was a bit stronger. "Your mother…Fiona…Grey warden…mage…elf. We loved you…wanted you…to…be free of…the throne. Blood…gr…great dragon. Calenhad drank…made him strong. It…blood runs…in Theirin line."_

 _His eyes closed and he started coughing; his body was quickly giving out. Mae concentrated on his chest and throat._

 _Again I waited._

 _His eyes opened again. "Yo your…Join…ning 'spawn taint…gone. Falls…to the power of our blood. You will…live. Be…a father, grand...fa...father. Your wife…special. Lil…Lilly looksss… like you."_

 _His eyes fluttered closed again. Then he opened them and looked into my eyes. For a moment, all that was him was present in his gaze. "Very pr…oud of you, and I love you… Always have, al…always will."_

 _Before I could say anything, he let out his final breath, and closed his eyes for the last time. That familiar pull ended, like a door had suddenly shut._

 _I felt empty._

 _I pulled his body close and rocked gently back and forth. Tear-blinded, I kissed his forehead. "I love you, too. I'm sorry I was too late." Then I began to cry._

 _I cried for the King my country had lost, I cried for the father of my half-brother. I cried for the father I never knew._

 _I don't know how long I stayed like that, but I felt Zevran gently touch my shoulder. He spoke softly, "Alistair, let us take him from this foul place. We can create a pyre and send him to the Maker's side."_

 _All I could do was nod. Zev had found a sheet that was now spread out before me. I laid father's frail body on the cloth and Zevran wrapped it around him like a shroud. I picked him up and we left. There was an inner courtyard far from the fleeing cultists and the attacking Qunari. Zev and Varric made as much of a pyre as they could with what was available, but since the fire was being set with magic, we did need too much, and it would burn hotter and faster the 'regular' fire. I laid my father's body on top and Mae set the pyre ablaze._

 _We stayed until the last embers cooled. I gathered his ashes into a spare pouch, which I then put into my pack. All I said was, "It's time to go home."_

 _It was only for a few precious moments, but I will feel his love for a lifetime._

 **~oOOo~**

Alistair held the parchments. Looking at them he said, "I'm glad I wrote down what happened. You needed to know, and I couldn't talk about it."

Marnie slipped her arms around her husband and hugged him tight.

 **~oOOo~**

 **AN** : Sorry for the delay. This was a surprisingly hard chapter to write. So, no darkspawn taint? That would explain Lily's appearance, Thank you to KoraKendalls, Melysande, and Judy for your reviews. Big, Big thanks to my Beta ElyssaCousland!


	19. A Game Well-Played

**A Game Well-Played**

 ** _29 Wintermarch  
9:39_**

 _Cricket and Siobhan are back from Denerim. Cricket had a growth spurt. When he left he was as tall as my elbow; now he's as tall as my shoulder. And he clearly looks like a teenager, not a young boy. Siobhan seems far more self-confident, and after her experience in Denerim she has also really taken an interest in raising horses! She showed me what she and Elfroot had learned during the dressage training. They were in complete harmony with each other, and it was beautiful to watch._

 _My children are growing up! I'm so proud. And a little sad, but mostly proud._

 ** _3 Guardian, 9:39 Dragon_**

 _Cricket said he had a strict schedule when he was working with the tutor at the palace. He'd spent the majority of his time studying, except when Siobhan and Elfroot had a show. But now that he was back with us he didn't want to study all the time._

 _But he was worried that if he didn't he wouldn't be able to learn enough to gain entrance into the Université. I suggested that we sit down and make out a schedule of study that made room for the other things he likes to do, and necessary chores. Try it for a month and see how he feels about how much he's learned._

 _I received an odd note from Varric the other day. He wrote that he'd been hearing rumors about templars using red lyrium, and that he was going to talk to Cullen. I find that very disturbing. How did anyone find more red lyrium? Neither Varric nor I have ever told anyone about the Thaig. I know Cullen wouldn't go near that crap, but what about the other templars? I need to find out more about red lyrium. Maybe Edwyn can look into it?_

 ** _15 Guardian,  
9:39_**

 _I think Marnie and Cricket's schedule experiment is working. Cricket seems happy and very productive. He only gets frustrated with the lack of information about botanicals. Aside from Innes book, there is very little written about botany. He has written to his tutor for suggestions._

 ** _15 Guardian, 9:39 Dragon_**

 _Given what Alistair had learned about the Calenhad line and the blood of Great Dragons, we thought that a trip to Amaranthine might be necessary to see if Ali really is free of the taint. At first, we thought about going Soldier's Peak to see Avernus, but Ali decided that writing to the "Commander of the Ferelden Grey Wardens" would be a better approach. I just think Ali still likes joking with Edwyn about his being "the Warden Commander." I had Alistair also ask about the red lyrium._

 _Things here are quiet and calm. Alistair is happy to be working with the horses again, and now Siobhan is helping. Dennet says he just needs to sit in the shade and supervise. Elaina said, lovingly, 'Him not working would be like a chantry mother not saying the Chant.'_

 _I'm enjoying helping where I can, and taking care of Lily. After a life of running, fighting, and being constantly on high alert…I feel like I'm in paradise!_

 ** _2 Drakonis, 9:39 Dragon_**

 _Instead of a letter from Edwyn, we had Edwyn show up at the farm. It was great to see him and introduce him to his second cousin once removed. Lily took a shine to him and I could see a look of longing in his eyes. Ali told me about Edwyn and Morrigan. I just cannot believe she up and left before the final battle. Still, Edwin was upbeat. He and Ali left yesterday for a weekend at the Gull and Lantern._

 _I talked to Edwyn about the red lyrium. He said he would look into it._

 _The best news, of course, was that Edwyn could not sense the taint in Ali. Not at all. Nothing. To be absolutely sure, we would need to see Avernus, of course, but Ali and I will need to talk about that._

 **~oOOo~**

"Meeting Avernus was an _interesting_ experience." Marnie chuckled.

Alistair laughed. "That is one way of putting it. I think Varric would call him 'bat-shit crazy.'"

"When Avernus confirmed you no longer carried the taint, I _almost_ hugged him. Crazy or not, he gave us the news that we could grow old _together_."

"That was really the first day of the rest of our lives together," Alistair said as he pulled Marnie close. "It was quiet for a while after that. Then the Grand Duke decided to be an unmitigated arse."

"I think he was born an unmitigated arse, but I may be biased."

Alistair chuckled. "As least he isn't emperor."

Marnie rolled her eyes. "He certainly was sure of himself."

"You mean full of himself?"

"That too. I'm just glad I didn't have to dance with him."

 **~oOOo~**

 ** _17 Harvestmere  
9:39 _**

_Marnie and I received an invitation (more of a cordial, royal summons) to the semi-annual Landsmeet, 15 Firstfall. Neither Marnie nor I know why we need to be there. I do know that Teagan (and Walter) will be returning from Orlais; perhaps it's to formally welcome Teagan home?_

 _Anyway._

 _Just thinking about the last one I attended makes me ill, but if it means seeing Walter, I will happily be there, because_ _nothing_ _will keep me from my son!_

 _Oh! I forgot to mention. We'll be staying in one of the apartments at the Palace. No, I have no idea why. But it's better than the Gnawed Noble (another place I closely associate with the Blight). Marnie jokingly suggested the Pearl, I reminded her that we'd have Lily with us._

 _She looked shocked. "I was joking! But if I wasn't, then that would be your_ _only_ _objection?"_

 _I just smiled and didn't say another word._

 _I know, I'm evil._

 ** _17 Harvestmere, 9:39 Dragon_**

 _I know he was only joking about Lily being the only reason not to stay at the Pearl, but he won't admit it. He just smiles rather lasciviously at me and won't say another word about it._

 _Evil, evil man._

 _I have never been to a Landsmeet, but from what I've been told, a quarter of the time is spent on business and the rest is spent in senseless bickering. Still and all, at least Ferelden is actually governed, as opposed to Kirkwall under Meredith._

 _But if it's as Ali suspects, a welcome home to Teagan, then I get to see our son sooner than we thought!_

 ** _14 Firstfall, 3:39 Dragon_**

 _Walter and Teagan are back!_

 _We arrived at the Palace yesterday and were shown to our apartments. They are lavish – all silks, dark woods, and furs. Why we are staying here is still a mystery. However, we were right! The Landsmeet is in part to formally welcome Teagan home and give his report, and Walter will be with him!_

 ** _14 Firstfall  
3:39  
_**

 _Our son is back! I am so proud of him for helping Teagan in Orlais! Walter has a very quick and clever mind—he managed to outsmart the Grand Duke._

 _Watching Walter, I realized that he's just 19. I was close to 20 when Edwyn and I fought the Blight, it makes me feel a bit old. Of course my wife quickly picked up on this and spent the entire night showing me how young I really am._

 _Just imagine my smile._

 ** _17 Firstfall  
3:39_**

 _Sorry for not writing earlier, I was recuperating from the mother of all hangovers after drinking way too much mead after the Landsmeet._

 _…wait why am I apologizing to you?_

 _Anyway._

 _Why all the drinking? Well, most of it was in celebration. Celebrating both Teagan's triumphant return bearing the long-lost sword of the Rebel Queen and his public appreciation of my son who helped him get it. I have included the letter from Teagan that explains why_ _our_ _son is now Teagan's senior squire!_

 _I know I said most was in celebration. However, some of it was a way to cope._

 _The Queen recently gave birth to twins and the Landsmeet was also their official presentation: Princess Celia and Prince Bryce._

 _No, neither Marnie nor I knew she was pregnant. Apparently, it was assumed that Siobhan or Cricket knew and would tell us…_

 _So, why does the birth of twins require coping? It wasn't the birth of the twins, directly._

 _You see, their Majesties told the Landsmeet about my father's abduction, torture, and my role in his rescue. They said, "Alistair Theirin, at great personal risk, found and killed the Tevinter magister responsible for kidnapping our ruling and much beloved monarch. Alistair fought bravely through the Magister's fortress to rescue King Maric from torture of the vilest nature, and saw his father safely to the Maker's side."_

 _At this point I looked at Marnie and whispered. "I thought they'd told the nobles about this already."_

 _Marnie was just as perplexed._

 _Unfortunately, their Majesties continued and you will understand the need to cope._

 _"We ask the Landsmeet if you would allow Us to formally recognize Alistair as King Maric's son by giving him the title of Prince. It is a title that he should have borne whilst his father was alive. Alistair would be third in-line for the throne. This also has the advantage of protecting Ferelden from civil strife should the unthinkable happen."_

 _I am now third in line to the throne, which will hopefully become farther down the line when the twins grow up, get married, and have children. However, if anything happens to the royal family before that, Maker-forbid, I would have to take the throne. I can see the logic in it, but I wasn't really given the option of refusing, especially in front of a Landsmeet._

 _And that's why I needed to drink._

 _So, I drank mead, lots of mead._

 _Unfortunately, no longer having the taint curtails my ability to remain sober. Thankfully, Marnie made us retire before I was legless and did something regretful. I woke in the morning feeling like a horde of darkspawn were digging through my head. Marnie let me spend the day in bed as I recovered._

 _She told the servants not to disturb me because I was "holding a vigil, of a sort, praying to the Maker for guidance at being bestowed such an unexpected honor."_

 _I love my wife._

 _After the Landsmeet I did make some things clear with their Majesties:_

 _I will not allow Lily to be in the succession, which is my right as Prince (thanks to Marnie for knowing that loophole)._

 _I will not change my work and relationship with Dennet._

 _I do not want to use the title Prince, or Your Highness, unless it is during a Landsmeet, or when a state occasion requires it._

 _I don't have to move to Denerim, or be involved in Palace life, but it does mean that I need to attend Landsmeets._

 _Every Landsmeet._

 _Anyway._

 _Attached is Teagan's letter. I am so proud of my Walter. He is a clever young man!_

 ** _16 Firstfall, 9:39_** _ **Dragon  
To: The Theirin Family  
Redcliffe Farms**_

 _Dear Marnie and Alistair,_

 _This is the portion of my report on the incident with Grand Duke Gaspard. I give it to you as context for the reason I have made Walter my senior squire._

 **….. ….. …. …. …. … …. … …. …. …. …. ….**

"Grand Duke Gaspard, in a rather convoluted attempt to overthrow Empress Celene, attempted to taunt me into a duel. The Grand Duke believed my death, (as the he clearly expected to win) would draw the ire of Ferelden. If hostilities ensued, then the Grand Duke (who has support of the military) would have a way to unseat Celene.

 _The Grand Duke's opening move was boasting that Queen Moira's sword was taken from her body, and was being used by his servants to kill rats. At first I thought he was lying, but he described the sword's unique markings. He believed that I would find this a grave insult to Queen Moira's memory and my honor would demand satisfaction. Satisfaction, of course, that could only be achieved by a duel to the death._

 _While I did find it insulting, I am not a vainglorious man. My honor is not so easily challenged. Nonetheless, the Grand Duke challenged me. However, there were two major problems with his plan._

 ** _First._** _My death would not be considered an act of Orlais, as the Grand Duke assumed. Your Majesties are wise and cautious, and would never rise to such obvious bait. Granted, reparations for my death would need to be made, but the Empress would do that without being told._

 ** _Second_** _. The Grand Duke has made no secret of his disdain for the Game. Yet, he continues to ignore Celene's mastery of it. Consequently, once again, she out maneuvered him. The Empress essentially championed me with her Champion, Michel de Chevin. In Orlais, the challenged party picks the weapon of choice. Michel, at Celene's behest, chose a feather._

 _This being a symbol of the Chevaliers was a double-insult to the Grand Duke._

 **….. ….. …. …. …. … …. … …. …. …. …. ….**

 _Okay. Now you both have context for what followed._

 _While Gaspard stewed, Walter quietly pulled me aside and whispered, "_ _Pourquoi utiliser des domestiques pour tuer des rats? Ma maman a un chat pour tuer des rats._ _Si le Grand-Duc utilise un chat, ses serviteurs peuvent faire d'autres choses, oui_?"

 _His Orlesian is quite good, by the way. To translate he asked me, "Why use servants to kill rats? My Mum has a cat to kill rats_ _._ _If the Grand Duke uses a cat, his servants can do other things, yes?"_

 _I was, however, surprised at the question because I knew you didn't own a cat, but I simply shrugged. Then in Fereldan he said, "Perhaps that's why the Grand Duke is so angry. His servants spend more time catching rats than taking care of him."_

 _At that, I heard a snicker from one of the ladies-in-waiting, who then whispered something to Celene. Walter nodded to me and stepped back. I didn't think much more about it as I was happy enough to just get out of there and back to our apartments._

 _That was mid-afternoon._

 _Shortly before dinner, we were summoned back to the throne room. When we arrived, Michel de Chevin was at Celene's right. The Grand Duke stood stiffly before the throne, wearing his rage like a thick cloak, and across Empress Celene's lap was a sword._

 _We bowed and she asked Walter to approach._

 _"We understand that your mother uses a cat to kill rats?"_

 _"Yes, your Radiance."_

 _"Not servants?"_

 _"No, your Radiance."_

 _Celene then spoke to all of us (and this is memorable!): "We are concerned for our Cousin's health. Clearly his temper is proof that his domestic needs are not adequately being met. His servants need to attend to him, and not to rats. A strong cat will be found and will relieve Our Cousin's servants so they may attend to him. Cousin, return to your estate and rest. We will see to your future comfort."_

 _Gaspard did the only thing he could—bow and leave. Walter had not moved from where he stood._

 _Then Celene indicated for Michel to take the sword from her lap and to give it to me. It was indeed Queen Moira's sword! I recognized the markings my father had once described to me._

 _Celene thanked me for my work as Ambassador, then said, "Please, take the sword home and know that We only wish peace between our countries."_

 _On behalf of their Majesties I thanked Celene, and I was truly grateful for having the sword._

 _Then Celene looked at your son and smiled. "Well played young Walter Theirin. We have wanted to retrieve the sword from Our Cousin, and you provided an elegant, and unique, solution."_

 _Walter bowed, saying that he was grateful to have been of assistance._

 _We returned to our apartments. Once I was assured of some privacy, I asked Walter what Celene had meant._

 _He smiled and said, "When the Grand Duke mentioned the sword I could tell that the Empress seemed really frustrated. I doubt she wanted to have it publicly known that Queen Moira's sword was in Orlais. Clearly, she hadn't been able to get it back from the Grand Duke, so I just suggested a way to get the sword and let the Grand Duke save face."_

 _"You played the Grand Game!"_

 _Walter just grinned. You have a wily son._

 _And that is why he is now my senior squire._

 _Your Uncle,  
Teagan_

 **~oOOo~**

Marnie shook her head. "I'm glad Teagan came back when he did. Orlais practically fell to pieces shortly after."

"I know Orlesians don't do things by halves, but 'The War of the Lions?' In comparison, it made our civil war seem far more civil and far less war…Well, except for the whole Darkspawn marching through Ferelden part." He pulled Marnie closer.

"I have to say, you've handled being Prince Alistair very well."

"Yes, because I mostly ignore it."

"You didn't ignore it when they lost our reservation at the Crown and Lion." Marnie smiled.

Alistair put his hand to his chest, faking offense. "What? I never said a word. It was the inn keeper's _wife_ who recognized me."

"True, you didn't say a word. You just smiled and nodded when they offered us the official royal suite. I didn't even know they had a royal suite."

"Neither did I…But you have to admit that mirror was conveniently placed." Alistair gave her a lascivious grin

Marnie blushed. "It was a _memorable_ vacation."

"It was, and things were quiet at home, but Cullen really needed to learn to write letters that had _only_ good news."

" _Needed_?" Marnie chuckled

 **~oOOo~**

 ** _1 August, 9:39_** _ **Dragon Age  
To: Lord and Lady Theirin  
Ferelden**_

 _Dear Marnie and Alistair_

 _I hope this letter finds you both well. While severely belated, Alistair, as a Fereldan, thank you for your work in Tevinter. I am sure your father rests at the Maker's side._

 _Forgive me for being a poor correspondent. As with my last letter, I bring good news and news that is unsettling._

 _The good news is very good! The investigation and clamoring over Meredith's death has officially ended. The Templars and the Chantry (in what is now a rare act of agreement) proclaimed:_

 _"Knight-Commander Meredith tried to execute a rite of annulment she had no reason to invoke and no right to carry out. Furthermore, she turned into a meleficar as she tried fight those who opposed her. The Champion of Kirkwall exacted the Maker's Judgment on the Knight Commander, and in doing so saved many lives."_

 _Marnie, needless to say, You. Are. Safe!_

 _Now the unsettling news: The Mage-Templar conflict has escalated to the point where the templars are pulling away from the Chantry to hunt mages. They are upset at the Divine's more open-mindedness about Mages, or what the Templars call "softening." It is now to the point where the Order to which I gave my vows no longer exists._

 _Sister Leliana—Marnie, you know her as Sister Nightingale; Alistair, she is the Leliana with whom you traveled during the Blight—has offered me a place working directly for the Divine as her military commander, but not as a Templar (thank the Maker). Both Sister Leliana and her partner, Seeker Pentaghast, will arrive in Kirkwall at the end of this month to discuss the situation with me._

 _I am inclined to accept, but if I don't I will leave Kirkwall and go home to Ferelden._

 _Maker bless you and your family._

 _Yours in service,  
Cullen_


	20. Everthing is fine until it isn

_**Everything is fine…until it isn't**_

 _ **The 3**_ _ **rd**_ _ **Day of August  
Year 9:40 of the Dragon Age  
To: Hawke and Golden Boy**_

 _I heard the good news from Curly! Glad the chantry finally got its collective heads out of their asses. After being in Tevinter with PRINCE Golden Boy, pretending not to know where you are is a lot harder to do. Not impossible, of course, just more difficult._

 _To Golden Boy: Don't worry. While I am sorely tempted, you will remain Golden Boy; I will not call you Prince Charming. I find it amazing that both you and Curly were templar-trained, but, unlike you, he definitely has a tell. More than one! Someday Curly is going to play Wicked Grace with the wrong person and lose his clothes!_

 _Give the Hawklings my love and tell them that their Kirkwall Uncle misses them._

 _I miss you both, too. Now that this business with Meredith is over, perhaps I can take a trip to see you and the flock._

 _Yours,  
Storyteller_

 ** _10 August, 9:40 Dragon  
To Knight-Commander Cullen Rutherford  
Kirkwall_**

 _Dear Cullen,_

 _Thank you for your letter. I am relieved beyond words to no longer have that hanging over my head. However, I am worried about the mage-templar-chantry relations. Things are quiet here. Please let me know if you hear of anything that could change that._

 _Fondly,  
Marnie_

 ** _11 August, 9:40 Dragon  
To: Varric Tethris  
Kirkwall_**

 _Dearest Varric,_

 _Cullen wrote that Sister Nightingale and a Seeker Pentaghast will arrive in Kirkwall at the end of August._ _Do not, under any circumstances,_ _try to hide where I am. Cullen does not think they pose any threat, but I would hate for you to have an unnecessary run-in with one of the Seekers of Truth._

 _Yes, I mean it!_

 _Ali and I miss you very, very much, and would love to have you come for a visit._

 _Siobhan and Cricket send their love._

 _Love,  
Marnie with a p.s. from Ali_

 _p.s. If you had insisted on calling me Prince Charming, I would have made it my mission in life to teach Cullen not to have a Tell. Miss you, brother! - AT_

 ** _3 Kingsway, 9:40 Dragon_**

 _I am so glad to no longer be hunted for killing Meredith. Until I read Cullen's letter, I hadn't realized how much that had been bothering me._

 _As I said to Cullen, it's been a quiet year here in western Ferelden. After so many years of crazy, bad weirdness, I treasure it._

 _Lily is definitively her father's daughter. She's only a little over two but she already loves the horses and always wants to be in the barn. When Alistair puts on his boots in the morning, Lily asks excitedly, "Daddy can I go barn see horses, too? Please Daddy!" Lily has both Ali and Dennet wrapped around her fingers, and they are more than a bit indulgent._

 _Her being in the barn however, necessitated a larger version of the "Lily Pack" because you cannot let a toddler run loose in a horse barn. Of course, Ali is strong enough to use the Lily Pack while doing certain barn chores, like feeding the horses. Other chores, such as mucking out stalls or anything involved with grooming the horses requires him to be unencumbered. If Lily wants to remain in the barn, which she typically does, I stay with her. Grooming absolutely fascinates our little girl, and as a true test of her love for the horses, the smell of horse dung doesn't seem to bother her in the least._

 _The day before yesterday, Sunset had a foal. Ali let her name it. Lily looked at the tan foal and said "Biscuit."_

 _Sunset and Biscuit are doing fine._

 **~oOOo~**

"Ever since Lily was old enough to help you groom Biscuit, they have been almost inseparable. Lily is very serious about competing in Ferelden's Dressage competition when she is old enough."

Alistair grinned. "Just like Siobhan—our two-time winner."

Marnie pulled out a new set of journals. "I had hoped all of 9:40 would be would be calm and peaceful. But, as always, the storm came from another damned letter."

Alistair gently stroked Marnie's face. "At least we were able to celebrate our anniversary. I cherish every single year, every single moment, with you."

Marnie smiled, "And I, with you"

 **~oOOo~**

 ** _10 Kingsway  
9:40_**

So we get this note from Edwyn:

... … … … … … … … … …

 ** _8 Kings, 40_**

 _Cousins,_

 _I have left the Wardens, so don't look for me there, or anywhere, as I do not wish to be found. No, I am not experiencing the Calling._

 _Please don't worry._

 _Sorry for the brevity and mystery. I promise, when I contact you again, it will be in person and I will explain everything._

 _Yours,  
Edwyn_

... … … … … … … … … …

 _That was all he said. When someone tells you they don't want to be found AND not to worry, there is only one reaction…worry. Which Marnie and I are doing._

 _Worrying_

 _A lot._

 _And then we received Cullen's letter_

... … … … … … … … … …

 ** _8 Kingsway, 9:40_** _ **Dragon Age  
To: Lord and Lady Theirin  
Redcliffe Farms  
Ferelden**_

 _I wish I could include good news with this letter, but things are souring quickly. You recall that the Chantry dissolved the College of Enchanters last year. There was an uprising of the mages in the White Spire. I cannot speak directly about the uprising, except that it was not against the will of the Divine. Unfortunately, many mages were killed. After that catastrophe, Lord Seeker Lambert Van Reeves_ _canceled the Nevarran accord_.

 _The College of Enchanters voted to separate from the Chantry, and then Van Reeves dissolved the Circle of Magi._

 _The templars' loyalties are divided, loyalties that often have more to do with power than with faith. Some are following the Seekers, and some are supporting the Divine. The Mage-Templar war and the Orlesian civil war have claimed many innocent lives and neither shows signs of slowing._

 _While Ferelden has been well-shielded from this, I fear that may not continue. Because there is no Circle of Magi, there has been talk about mages seeking safe harbor in Ferelden, which is why I am bothering you at all with this news._

 _Please stay safe my friends._

 _Yours in Service,  
Cullen_

... … … … … … … … … …

 ** _16 Kingsway, 9:40 Dragon_**

 _First Edwyn disappears, then Cullen tells us that the mages and templars are slaughtering each other in a free-for-all. Meanwhile, the civil war continues in Orlais._

 _Yesterday, however,, Ali and I celebrated our 9_ _th_ _anniversary. We spent the night at our campsite. I'd say we slept under the stars, but we did very little sleeping._

 ** _19 Kingsway, 9:40 Dragon_**

 _Ali, Dennet, Elaina, and I had a long talk about the mage-templar war and what we would do if it became necessary to leave the farm. Dennet, Elaina, and Seana would go to Dennet's sister's home in South Reach. Still, Dennet said he doubted he would ever willingly abandon the farm. Ali and I feel the same way. However, Ali and I have to protect our children. So, if the worst happens, the Palace would be the best place for us to go. We have our own apartments there. It's defensible and we can get a ship from Denerim's harbor to just about anywhere in Thedas._

 _Maker, I hope that won't be necessary._

 **~oOOo~**

Marnie shook her head and sighed. "Sometimes, I think the Maker is a real ass."

"Do you want to continue to read?" Alistair asked.

"Do you?"

"I asked you first."

Marnie shrugged. "In for copper, in for sovereign. I remember getting Leliana's note about her and the Seeker wanting to talk with me. It sounded important, but I would never have guessed what happened when they arrived."

 **~oOOo~**

 ** _23 Kingsway  
9:40_**

 _I may never forgive Leliana. She and a Seeker named Cassandra Pentaghast arrived yesterday. Apparently, the Divine is holding a conclave to bring the mages and templars together. At the same time, she is planning to revive the Inquisition—just in case the conclave doesn't work. Guess who they asked to be the Inquisitor? If you could talk you would say, "Marnie" and I would nod my head. Of course if you talked, I would probably run screaming…_

 _Anyway._

 _Lily was down for a nap when they arrived, so Marnie suggested that we meet in the study. She showed Leliana and Seeker Cassandra into the room. When I was about to enter the Seeker barred my way with her hand and told me that their business was with the Champion only. I heard Leliana gasp, "Cassandra!"_

 _The Seeker's hand still barred my way._

 _Marnie looked at the Seeker with cool implacability. "If you are here to speak to the Champion, this meeting is over. The Champion no longer lives here. I am Marnie Theirin and the man you are so rudely barring from the room is my husband, Alistair. If you have a request of either of us then please take a seat; if not then I bid you good day."_

 _The Seeker didn't move. Marnie stood up, arching an eyebrow. "If you continue to bar my husband from this room, then this meeting is over regardless of who you are or what you want to ask. You have three seconds…two…one…"_

 _Seeker Pentaghast stood aside to let me in._

 _Leliana said soothingly, "Of course we want to speak with both of you, Lady Theirin. I apologize for the misunderstanding."_

 _During the Blight I had heard Leliana use that tone when some of the people we encountered didn't want to talk with me or Edwyn. She would use that soothing voice to get them to talk. It wasn't genuine, it was manipulative, and I was not happy hearing it used on my wife._

 **~oOOo~**

"Later, Leliana told me that she thought barring my way was the most asinine things she'd seen Cassandra do."

Marnie chuckled. "Yes, and telling me that I was really their back-up choice was the second most asinine. Remember?...

…... ... ... ... ... ... ... .. ... . ... ... ... ... ... .. ...

 _Leliana said, "We need an Inquisitor. Someone who people respect. We need someone who isn't part of the Chantry, circles, or templars. We need you."_

 _"No. I'm sorry, but no. I washed my hands of this mess when I left Kirkwall. I am a wife and mother, living the quiet and peaceful life that I treasure. You'll have to ask someone else."_

 _"We did. The Warden has vanished." Cassandra said._

 _Leliana glared at her partner._

 _"Lucky for Edwyn. You tell me how much you need_ _me_ _? I'm not even your first choice. Just keep going down your list. I'm sure you will find someone else."_

. ... ... ... ... ... .. ... ... ... ... ... ... .. ... . ... ... ... ...

Alistair shook his head. "The meeting went downhill from there."

Marnie nodded yawning. Then she stretched. "I think it's bedtime. I'm bushed."

Alistair nodded. "We seem to be making good progress."

"On the journals or the crates?" Marnie grinned.

"Both." Alistair gestured to the remaining crates. "Soon we'll be able to use that balcony again."

"I never understood why the builders didn't make the balconies connect."

Marnie fell asleep quickly, but Alistair couldn't sleep. His mind was filled with the memory of the rest of that visit…

…... ... ... ... ... ... ... .. ... . ... ... ... ... ... .. ...

 _"Please?" Liliana said. "At least come to the conclave. Your presence there can still make a difference."_

 _"No, thank you. If I am not going to be your Inquisitor, I am definitely not attending this Conclave."_

 _Cassandra stood up, her jaw was set and she was clearly angry. "You killed the Knight-Commander. Furthermore, you knew the mage who destroyed the Chantry. You need to explain everything to the conclave!"_

 _Marnie stayed seated and looked at the Seeker coldly. "The mage had a name, it was Anders. The Divine was to set him free if he could be separated from Justice."_

 _"You still need to explain—"_

 _"Explain what?" Marnie interrupted as she rose from the chair and glared at the Seeker. "Explain that Meredith was going to carry out an illegal right of annulment on innocent mages? Explain that she was a bat-shit crazy bitch? Explain that she was out of her mind on red lyrium?_

 _"Do you even know what red lyrium does to a person? It eats at your mind until reality no longer has meaning. You become paranoid, to the point of complete insanity, and the Knight Commander made a damned sword out of it! She brought a metal statute life to attack us. I just put her down like the rabid dog she became. Does that explain it well enough? Cullen was there, did he not tell you?"_

 _"Yes, he did." Leliana said softly._

 _"Then make him the Inquisitor!"_

 _Cassandra shook her head. "No. He commands our military forces. The Divine wants you."_

 _"No. The Divine_ _wants_ _the Warden-Commander. Regardless, even if I was the first choice or seventh choice my answer would still be no. This meeting is over."_

 _The Seeker looked offended. "You cannot just ignore the Divine!"_

 _"Oh that's rich! She ignored Kirkwall until the mages had been oppressed to the point that they were turning to whatever they could to end their suffering! Once Meredith refused to replace the Viscount, the Divine should have bestirred herself and removed Meredith, or better yet, made Elthina do her damn job and remove Meredith! If the Divine had done so, the chantry would still be there and innocent mages wouldn't have been slaughtered! Now, you and Sister Leliana both, please leave. We. Are. Done!"_

 _Cassandra crossed her arms. "You owe it to the memory of those slaughtered mages to explain what happened."_

 _As soon as the Seeker said, "owed it to the memory of those slaughtered mages," Marnie's shoulders sagged and the fight left her eyes. She sat down and put her head in her hands. After several minutes, she said. "How long will I need to stay at this Conclave?"_

 _Cassandra answered, "As long as it takes."_

 _Marnie ignored the Seeker and told Leliana. "I will remain as long as it takes to explain things to the conclave and then I'm leaving."_

 _"That will be fine. Thank you!" Leliana said._

 _"When do we leave?"_

 _"The conclave is set for 1 Firstfall. The Divine would like a chance to get know you better – how about the 20_ _th_ _of Harvestmere?"_

 _Marnie stood up and nodded. The defeat sounded in her voice as she excused herself in order to tend to Lily._

…... ... ... ... ... ... ... .. ... . ... ... ... ... ... .. ...

"If I'd had a sword in hand I think I might have run Cassandra through." Alistair whispered to himself, then rolled over and curled up behind Marnie.

The following evening, after Lily went to sleep, they snugged on the sofa. Marnie said, "You know, I heard you threaten Cassandra after I left the room."

"I was really angry. I could feel how you hurt were. How all that misplaced guilt just landed on your shoulders. I saw it take the fight out of you."

"You don't need to explain. I actually enjoyed hearing you dress them down."

 **~oOOo~**

 ** _24 Kingsway  
9:40_**

 _I am a bit more collected than yesterday. I had to stop writing, or I think I would have thrown you into fire. I doubt you'd have wanted be burned as the Seeker's effigy._

 _I will never understand why I persist in talking to you like a person._

 _Anyway._

 _Once Marnie left the room, I stood toe-to-toe with the Seeker, literally. "Marnie does not need to explain why she killed Meredith. She does not need to rehash what she went through that day. Not for you, and not in front of the Divine, like a guilty child. How dare you place that weight on her shoulders!"_

 _I told the Seeker that I didn't want her near my wife before 20_ _th_ _Harvestmere. I said, "If I see you before that, I will forget that I know you and treat you like a trespasser."_

 _That Seeker wasn't one who was easily intimidated, but I am rather intimidating when I'm angry. Leliana spoke to the Seeker, who nodded to me and left the house without saying a word. Then I turned to my "supposed friend" and said, "Leli, how could you let her do that to Marnie? To me? She's my wife, my heart, and my soul."_

 _Leliana apologized for Cassandra, and explained that she can be very aggressive in defense of the Divine. Leli tried to assure me that neither she, the Divine, nor the Seeker think what Marnie did was wrong._

 _I mentioned the Chantry and Templar ruling that Marnie "carried out the Maker's justice" and asked why that wasn't enough. Apparently, because of the schism, truth and fiction are becoming harder to separate. I made Leli promise to protect Marnie and make sure that she isn't taken to task over Meredith._

 _I asked her who they would try to persuade to be inquisitor. Predictably, she said that it was in the Maker's hands._

 **~oOOo~**

 _AN: Thank you for reading! Thanks to my beta ElyssaCousland._


	21. Safe Haven?

**Safe Haven?**

 _ **20 Harvestmere, 9:40 Dragon**_

 _When I left the house this morning, Sure Foot saddled and waiting in front of the house, Lily continued to cling to me, refusing to let go. As Ali pulled her off me, she cried, "Mommy, no! Mommy, no leave! Mommy, no leave!" Once she was in Ali's arms and I was settled into Sure Foot's saddle, she just kept crying, "Mommy, please stay. Mommy pleeease."_

 _Her cries broke my heart. Once my escorts and I were on the road, I pulled up and looked at Cassandra and Leliana. "You made my daughter cry. Thanks to you both, she is afraid that I'm never coming back…I will never forgive either of you for this. Once I leave Haven, never come to my home or contact my family ever again." Then I urged Sure Foot ahead._

 _ **21 Harvestmere**_

 _ **9:40**_

 _Lily was almost inconsolable as Marnie left yesterday. I took her into the barn, hoping the horses would distract her. Biscuit walked over to the stall door nickered softly. I brought Lily over and Biscuit bumped her snout softly against Lily's hand. It was clear to me, and to Lily it seemed, that the foal was trying to sooth her._

 _Lily began to softy pet Biscuit, under the watchful eyes of me and Sunset. Biscuit whiffled on Lily's palm, which tickled and made her laugh. We stayed in the barn petting Biscuit and Sunset for quite a while. I put Lily in the pack and did some chores until Lily began to yawn. Being so upset really tired out my little girl. I went to put her down for nap and ended up taking one as well._

 _ **23 Harvestmere, 9:40 Dragon**_

 _We should arrive in Haven tomorrow. The trip has been uneventful, but not congenial. Once we left home, aside from necessary words, I've refused to speak to either Leliana or Seeker Cassandra. I wasn't being sullen. I was just ignoring them._

 _ **25 Harvestmere, 9:40 Dragon**_

 _We arrived in Haven yesterday afternoon. I'm staying in a room in the main chantry, and once I unpacked I just went to bed and slept until this morning. Today, I went with Leliana to the Temple of Sacred ashes (I am still avoiding the Seeker). It looked nothing like Ali described. I asked Leliana about it, and she told me about the modifications over the years. Apparently the Temple is now a "pilgrimage for the faithful." I asked if the urn was safe and while Leliana said it was, she wasn't very convincing. However, that is not_ _my_ _problem."_

 _I've spent this afternoon in my room, thinking. If am honest with myself, my ire is really directed at Cassandra and at my overly sensitive conscience. If not for one or the other, I wouldn't be here. I meet with the Divine tomorrow for breakfast and I am not at all sure how that is going to go. Leliana and Seeker Cassandra will be there as well._

 _Leliana told me there is a tavern here. Being numb has its appeal._

 _ **26 Harvestmere, 9:40 Dragon**_

 _I woke up at dawn to get ready to eat breakfast with the Divine. My plan to get numb last night was derailed by a sudden attack of common sense: Breakfast-Divine-Hangover at the same time? Bad idea. So I restrained myself. Leliana joined me and told me stories about Ali and others during their time together fighting against the Blight. I had heard some of them from Ali and some were in his journals, but they made me smile._

 _ **27 Harvestmere**_

 _ **9:40**_

 _Teagan, at the request of the Crown, is giving the mages sanctuary in Redcliffe castle. The Grand Enchanter is named Fiona. I sent a letter to Teagan asking if the she is an elven former Grey Warden. I haven't heard back, but I have a feeling this is the woman my father said was my real mother._

 _That might be a silver lining._

 _ **27 Harvestmere, 9:40 Dragon**_

 _Yesterday, my meeting with Divine Justinia lasted well past lunch and was exhausting. She asked about the entirety of my time in Kirkwall: from the time we arrived during the Blight until I left for Ferelden. So, I told her everything: especially about Darktown and the Chantry's failure to give succor to anyone who didn't live in Hightown. I told her about Sister/Mother Patrice, the death of the Seamus. Of Elthina refusing to say anything one way or the other about the treatment of mages, as well as her repeated failures to pull Meredith's chain. I told her about the man who killed my mother and I told her about killing Meredith. She asked for my opinions, I gave them to her._

 _The Divine actually apologized for not intervening in the situation. That was really good to hear. She told me that mages may be given sanctuary in Ferelden._

 _All I could do when I got back to my room was sleep._

 _ **28 Harvestmere, 9:40 Dragon**_

 _Being both awake and with nothing else to do until the conclave, I poked around Haven for the first time since getting here._

 _I was rewarded with finding that Varric was here! I was so happy to see someone I knew and liked that I cried on his shoulder. Afterwards, he and I talked about why he was in Haven, and about the red lyrium. He said it was Lyrium, but that something had been done to it, corrupted it somehow. That is not good news. Varric feels responsible because of Bartrand. I reminded him of what I said as we left the Deep Roads: he was not his brother's keeper._

 _Varric asked how I got roped into this. When I told him, he said. "Yeah, the Seeker is really good at slinging guilt."_

 _Truer words were never spoken._

 _I also visited with Cullen. Somewhere between Kirkwall and Haven, he acquired a scar on his upper lip, and lion armor. He looks good. He's not Ali, but he does makes a striking figure in his new armor. He has more of a swagger than he used to, but he still blushes at the drop of a hat, something Varric has way too much fun with._

 _ **29 Harvestmere**_

 _ **9:40**_

 _It's official: the mages are in Redcliffe. Teagan sent a note, confirming that Fiona is a former Gray warden and is elven. Teagan is a wily man. I didn't even tell him why I wanted to know. He asked me if I want him to inquire about Maric and me. I told him not yet. I figure I will wait until Marnie is home then perhaps she and I can take a trip to the castle to meet her._

 _ **29 Harvestmere, 9:40 Dragon**_

 _I knew Leliana was the Left-hand of the Divine. What I found out is that Seeker Cassandra is the Right-Hand of the Divine. The Right Hand is the Divine's closest ally, and can speak for the Divine. It would explain her "fervor" in trying to recruit me. It doesn't change my feelings, it just explains some of her deplorable behavior._

 _People have been arriving for the conclave and there are a lot of formal functions planned. I was hoping to not have to go to them, but I have to go to the formal dinner tomorrow night before the Conclave opens. Other than that, I am planning on staying near the Haven Chantry. Apparently I am speaking to the Conclave on the 3_ _rd_ _day of Firstfall. That means I can leave the morning of the 4_ _th_ _and be home by the 7_ _th_ _! I wrote a quick note to Ali, to let him know. Leliana says she can send the message with a raven. When I asked how a raven could take a message to Ali, she just smiled and said to write my note._

 _ **30 Harvestmere**_

 _ **9:40**_

 _I received a note this morning, it was delivered by someone who said he worked with Sister Leliana, and that the message was from Lady Theirin. He told me that if I wanted to send a reply he could return later in the day._

 _I told him to return._

… … … … … … … … _.. …. …. …_

 _ **29 Harvestmere, 9:40 Dragon**_

 _ **Lord Alistair Theirin**_

 _ **Redcliffe Farms**_

 _ **Redcliffe.**_

 _Dearest one,_

 _All is well here. My talk with the Divine went well. Varric and Cullen are here, which has made my time here bearable._

 _I am limited in space as this is being sent by raven. I am speaking to the conclave on the 3_ _rd_ _of Firstfall. I will leave no later than the 4_ _th_ _of Firstfall and will be home on the 7_ _th_ _. Never again will I let my guilty conscious make decisions for me. I love you, and I never want to be parted from you again._

 _Love to you, Siobhan, Cricket, and Lily._

 _Marnie_

… … … … … … … … _.. …. …. …_

 _ **31 Harvestmere**_

 _ **9:40**_

 _Things are starting to fall to shit. The mage-templar war has landed in Ferelden. Walter sent me a short note._

… … … … … … … … _.. …. …. …_

 _ **31 Harvestmere, Dragon 3:40**_

 _Dad~_

 _The templars followed the mages across the border from Orlais and are attacking any mages not in the Castle. We are safe inside, but Arl Teagan and Arlessa Kaitlyn are worried about the villagers. The Arl and his knights are going into the village tomorrow to see what needs to be done. I tried to convince Arl Teagan that I could go with his knights and survey the village, and they could stay safely in the castle, but you know the Arl – he is very hands on._

 _I am keeping watch over the Arlessa._

 _As soon as mom gets back from Haven, please consider leaving for the Palace. I have a bad feeling about this._

 _Love,_

 _Walter_

* * *

 _AN: We are nearing the end. Thanks to those who have stuck with me on this story! Thanks to my Beta ElyssaCousland.  
_


	22. Tears

**Tears**

 _ **2 Firstfall, 9:40 Dragon**_

 _I received a note from Ali. It was short and to the point. I teared up as I read it. Happy tears._

" _Come home safe. You hold my heart in your hands. I love you."_

 _I'm already packed to leave, because tomorrow after I speak to the Conclave I am getting on Sure Foot and heading home!_

 _ **3 Firstfall  
9:40**_

 _It was mid-afternoon when my templar senses flared. I looked around and a giant hole had ripped open in the sky. As I ran to gather Siobhan and Cricket into the house, I realized two things: The tear was in the veil, and it was right over Haven._

 _Maker, help Marnie and keep her safe._

 _ **4 Firstfall  
9:40**_

 _Siobhan, Lily, Cricket, and I are on our way to the Palace, as we had planned._

 _A special messenger caught up with us as we were leaving. It was a quick note from Walter: Teagan has been chased out of the Castle and he, Teagan and Kaitlyn are heading straight for the Palace. We all know that the tear is directly over Haven, but there has been no word. I am going crazy with worry, but I have to focus on our family and get them to safety. I promised Marnie. Even so, Lily knows I am upset at something and is asking for her mommy._

 _ **8 Firstfall  
9:40**_

 _I can barely breathe._

 _When we arrived at the palace Fergus took me aside. He had received carrier bird a short missive from Roderick Asignon, Grand Chancellor of the Chantry. According to the Chancellor there had been a massive explosion at the conclave. It destroyed the Temple, killing the Divine and everyone in attendance._

 _I refuse to believe Marnie is gone. I cannot believe it. I would know, I would feel it, wouldn't I?_

 _ **9 Firstfall  
9:40**_

 _I could not keep the news from Cricket, Siobhan, and Walter. They all feel like I do: That somehow we would have felt it if she was gone._

 _I know that sounds insane, but well, you know how it is with me and Marnie. We are soulmates._

 _ **11 Firstfall – who cares what year!**_

 _MARNIE IS ALIVE!_

 _Thank the Maker for Varric's note:_

 _Golden Boy,_

 _Marnie is alive! She is the sole survivor of the Conclave. More info to follow, if Leliana will lend me another raven._

 _Varric_

 _I read the note to Siobhan, Walter, and Cricket. Later, Walter took me aside and said, "Dad, you need to go to Haven. I can take care of things while you're gone." It was as if he could read my mind, because then he said, "Yes, Cricket and Siobhan agree with me."_

 _ **13 Firstfall  
9:40**_

 _I spoke with Teagan. He and Kaitlyn will take care of Lily, and with Walter, look after Siobhan and Cricket._

 _As an aside, Lily is much calmer because she is absolutely besotted with the Royal twins, even though they are a year younger. She spends a lot of time in the Royal nursery (either Kaitlyn, Siobhan or Walter accompany her). In the meantime, I spoke with Fergus who is giving me all the resources to get to Haven as fast as possible. He believes, rightly so, that the Chantry is in disarray and taking up the title of Prince Alistair will cut through the crap. Additionally, I am his representative at Haven and have the power to act accordingly._

 _ **14 Firstfall  
9:40**_

 _This morning I received a letter from Marnie._

… … … … … … … … _.. …. …. …_

 _My love,_

 _I pray you are safe at the palace and that you received Varric's note. Please stay out of western Ferelden. I have been…changed somehow…I have a mark on my hand that closes fade rifts. These rifts are tears in the Veil that are springing up everywhere. Demons pour out of them until the rift is closed. This mark is needed to close these rifts which I am doing as we figure out what we are dealing with._

 _Some call me the Herald of Andraste, some call me a miracle, some call me a murderer._

 _I just want to be Marnie Theirin again. I want to go home._

 _In case I don't get another chance to write, know that my life with you has been the greatest blessing I have ever been given._

 _I love you with every fiber of my being. Know that. Tell our children that I love them. When Lily is old enough…you know what to do._

 _All my love in this life and the next. If this is my last letter, know that I want you to go on, Lily needs you._

 _Till I see you at the Maker's side,_

 _Marnie_

… … … … … … … … _.. …. …. …_

 _If I had any doubt about going to Haven, this letter would have ended them._

 _I leave at dawn tomorrow._

 **~oOOo~**

AN: Thanks for those who have been following along and for your reviews!

 **Note:** Carrier pigeons can travel about 600 miles in day. According to the Pigeon Control Resource Center "The longest recorded flight in the 19th century taking 55 **days** between Africa and England and covering 7000 miles."


	23. A Haven in Haven

_**A Haven in Haven**_

 _ **22 Firstfall  
9:40**_

 _I stopped at the farm on my way to Haven. Dennet told me that Marnie been there killing demons which were just pouring out of nowhere, all over the area. According to Dennet, Marnie was accompanied by "a beardless dwarf, a bald elf, and 'that Seeker.'" I don't know who the bald elf is, although it sounds as if my Marnie has another cast of characters at her side; thankfully one of them is Varric._

 _Dennet said that Marnie is having Inquisition troops build watch towers. Once they are up, he is going to Haven to supply horses._

 _Elaina took me aside and gave me a note that Marnie was hoping to send the Palace. Elaina believes Marnie's ability has to have come from Andraste._

 _I spent the night at the farm. It was hard to sleep in what was, until a month ago, our bedroom._

 _Marnie's note was short_

 _My love,_

 _Dennet told me you'd gone to Denerim. I'm glad you are all safe._

 _All my love,_

 _Marnie_

 **~oOOo~**

 _ **26 Firstfall  
9:40**_

 _I get to Haven and Marnie isn't even here. Thank the Maker that Cullen is. He told me that Marnie is at the Storm Coast meeting with a Merc company call Bull's Chargers. They are offering their services to the Inquisition._

 _I asked Cullen what in the Maker happened, and why she's with that Seeker._

 _He motioned me into the main courtyard and into a cottage that was clearly Marnie's. I looked around and spotted her journal which was tucked just under her pillow as it had always been at home._

 _I sat on her bed, Cullen sat on the only chair in the room. He told me about the explosion. "Alistair," he said. "Marnie walked out of the Fade. A woman helped her. Some say it was Andraste, some say it was Justinia. Marnie doesn't remember all that happened. The Divine was dead as was everyone else at the conclave."_

 _Cullen started rubbing the back of his neck, something he usually does when ill at ease. I called him on it and asked what he wasn't telling me._

" _It was chaos," he said, "she collapsed after leaving the Fade. An elven hedge-mage arrived and helped keep an eye on her."_

 _Then he told me that the mage kept an eye on her while she was in the dungeon._

 _Yes, the dungeon! I didn't take it very well when Cullen told me. Apparently, there were those who thought she'd killed the Divine as well as everyone else at the conclave. I asked him who in their right mind would have thought Marnie could or would have done such a thing._

 _The villagers, Chancellor Roderick…and Seeker Cassandra._

 _I was furious! I said, "Give me one reason why I shouldn't run the Seeker through!"_

 _Cullen quickly tried to reassure me that Cassandra changed her mind, as did the villagers. When Marnie stabilized the rift at the Temple, they heard an echo of what had happened just prior to the explosion left by the rift. The Divine called to Marnie for help._

 _I thought about it and said that the Seeker's change of heart was awfully convenient. It would be kind of difficult to keep my wife in prison if she is the only one who can close these rifts._

 _Cullen assured me that wasn't the case, that Cassandra can be "aggressive and sometimes acts on impulse. Especially where the Divine was concerned." But he assured me that she has really become an ally for Marnie, and Marnie appears to have forgiven her._

 _I thought about it and said to Cullen, "She acts first and thinks later. I take it her mind finally caught up with her mouth?"_

 _Cullen chuckled and nodded. I warned Cullen that I hoped he was right and if I caught Seeker Pentaghast dealing out any more guilt to my wife, then I would wipe the floor with her, or anyone else for that matter._

 _Cullen's eyes widened at my threat, but did not say anything further about it. What he did say was that everyone at Haven cares about Marnie, and it isn't only because she can close rifts, or that she is called the Herald of Andraste. She does more than close rifts. "She stays and helps people put their lives back together. She gives of her time and her heart. They care about her because she cares about them. Like she did in Kirkwall."_

 _I reminded Cullen that Kirkwall nearly killed Marnie._

 _Cullen, rather vehemently, told me that unlike Kirkwall she has official support, a growing army, spies, scouts, logistics, supplies, and planning. That with me there we can work together to make sure this isn't another Kirkwall._

 _Then he said, well growled really, "I will not let what happened in to her in Kirkwall happen here!"_

 _I had to admit the ferocity in Cullen's voice was both comforting and a bit disturbing._

 _After that, I promised not to kill Cassandra._

 _Cullen said, "Feel free to give her a piece of your mind, though."_

 _I told him I would._

 _Assuming Marnie doesn't kill me, first._

 _ **27 Firstfall  
9:40**_

 _It's been a busy couple of days. Cullen wants me to be his second in command. Rylen, who I remember from Kirkwall, is going to be the commander in the field, but Cullen could use someone to back him up here in Haven._

 _I told Cullen that I was also in Haven as 'Alistair, Prince of Ferelden' and gave him the scroll from King Fergus. I told him that I have been given leave to see and speak for the Crown. So, if Marnie has any problems with the Chantry, whether in Haven or anywhere else in Ferelden, and Orlais, it becomes a concern of the Crown._

 _Cullen was surprised. He hadn't thought of that but was glad that King Fergus had._

 _I told him that, while I didn't need this to be made public, I did want Marnie's inner circle to know._

 _Inner Circle? Yes, Marnie has an "Inner Circle." Cullen explained that including him there was:_

 _Leliana, their spy-master,_

 _Ambassador and chief diplomat Lady Josephine Montilyet,_

 _Varric (and Bianca of course!),_

 _Cassandra,_

 _Solas, a "hedge mage" (who I confirmed is the "bald elf" Dennet mentioned), and_

 _Warden Blackwall. I was surprised to hear that name, it was someone Duncan spoke of. I was eager to meet him._

 _ **29 Firstfall  
9:40**_

 _The Mercenary company and Cassandra arrived today. Marnie should be in Haven tomorrow; she was traveling with the head of Bull's Chargers and there was a stop she needed to make in Redcliffe._

 _Disappointed that Marnie wasn't among the group, I didn't notice that Cassandra had turned towards me. Suddenly, she was too close for me to pretend I didn't see her. So, I stood there, arms crossed, and waited._

" _Lord Theirin, I apologize; if I had known–"_

 _I stopped her right there and told her to spare me the 'if I had only known, I never would have asked' shite. I was rather direct and said, "If you knew the Divine was in danger you would have tried twice as hard to get Marnie to join you."_

 _She had the sense not to lie. "Perhaps. But not like this. If I had known her life would be in mortal danger I would never have asked. You must believe that!"_

 _I could only sigh and nod. I even thanked her (Marnie will be so proud of me!). Cullen arrived shortly after and steered me in the direction of the Tavern._

 _Tomorrow, I get to see my wife. Thank the Maker._

 _ **29 Firstfall  
9:40**_

 _Cullen decided to meet in the Chantry today to review the training schedule. We were about finished when I heard the chantry doors open and even though I couldn't see anyone, I heard Marnie's voice. I admit it, I just froze._

 _Cullen smiled and told me, "She's less likely to kill you here in the chantry."_

 _I turned toward the door as it opened and stood face to face with Marnie._

 **~oOOo~**

"When you I saw you at Haven, I didn't know whether to hit you or hug you."

"As I recall, you did both. At the same time."

Marnie chucked. "Ah yes, I pummeled your chest, didn't I? When all was said and done, I was glad you were there."

 **~oOOo~**

 _ **30 Firstfall, 9:40 Dragon**_

 _We had to bring in another bed so Ali and I can stay in my cabin – well, our cabin, now. There are no large beds available, so we pushed two beds together. After I saw him in Cullen's office we went to the cabin and talked. I cannot very well send the Prince of Ferelden back, and truth to tell, having him here allowed me to get the first good night of sleep I've had since Leliana and Cassandra arrived in Redcliffe._

 _ **30 Firstfall  
9:40**_

 _Marnie slept until noon. I didn't have the heart to wake her up so I slipped out to get breakfast, and check in with Cullen. We set up training teams and started them on formation fighting. I went back to the cabin around lunchtime and Marnie had just opened her eyes. She sat up and looked around, when she saw me her whole body relaxed._

 _We didn't leave the cabin until dinner._

 _Marnie introduced me to the inner circle. Warden Blackwall looks younger than I expected. I mentioned Duncan speaking of him. Blackwall said he was a fairly new Warden, and Duncan was being too kind. He seemed kind of evasive, but then again, I don't carry the taint, so maybe he is suspicious of me. I have to think on that one._

 _When I met Solas, I took him aside and thanked him. He looked a bit surprised, but then he said, "I did little, save watch over her and make sure she wasn't arrested."_

 _Then there is The Iron Bull, a Qunari with a metal eyepatch and a ready smile. Kind of the opposite of Sten-now-the-Arishok. Mind you, I am quite sure that when he's mad he's scary. But he smart, intuitive, and tough. Like Marnie…well except for him being male and Qunari. He did seem impressed that I knew the Arishok when he was a Sten. I promised that I would tell him about Sten over drinks at the tavern._

 _I felt an instant connection with Bull, much like I did when I first met Varric. He clearly respects Marnie, who he already refers to as Boss. In fact, all of them, even Cassandra and certainly Cullen and Leli, were amazed at what Marnie had accomplished in such a short time, and clearly were happy she was the leader._

 _Of course, as in Kirkwall, no one thought about what that would mean for Marnie. I see it when she thinks no one is looking, and if you do look, you have to know what to look for. I do, and I am now positive I've done the right thing coming here. Later, we decided I would stay in Haven with Cullen, but I could see she already feels calmer and less burdened because I am here._

 _ **3 Haring  
9:40**_

 _Marnie went to Val Royeaux and returned with the Enchanter to the Imperial Court - a strikingly handsome woman named Vivienne. Despite, as Marnie told me, being Marcher-born, Vivienne is as Orlesian as they come: she lives and breathes the Grand Game._

 _Along with Vivienne, Marnie brought a high-ranking member of the Red Jenny, Sera. Whose whole interest is in getting the world back to normal, a sentiment I share._

 _While Marnie was in Val Royeaux she met Fiona, who asked her to speak with the mages in Redcliffe. She said they could help Marnie seal the breach by augmenting her power. As Cullen and I understand it we need either the Templars or mages to help Marnie with the breach. Given that Cullen and Ser Bryant are the only templars she has ever really liked (she told me a long time ago that 'almost-templars' like me don't count) Marnie is in favor of working with the mages._

 _ **20 Haring, 9:40 Dragon.**_

 _The situation for the mages in Redcliffe was dire. They had been conscripted by a Venatori Magister, Gerion Alexius, who stole the castle from Teagan and Kaitlyn. He had been experimenting with time travel. It seems that this Elder One wanted to turn back time so he could complete his ritual without my interference, which would mean going back in time and killing me._

 _The time travel attempts made the veil in the castle very unstable, and suddenly his former apprentice Dorian Pavus and I were tossed into the future, the kind of future the Elder One had in mind._

 _I really can't write about it except to say it was soul-crushing, and will fuel nightmares for some time to come. Thank the Maker for Dorian (more on him later) who was able to reverse what Alexius had done and bring us back the exact time we had left. It was then I learned why Alexius had even started to work on time-travel - he was doing it to save his son's life by preventing him from contracting the Blight sickness. When I learned that, I no longer saw an archenemy, I saw a heart-broken father who had realized he would never succeed in saving his son's life._

 _I allied the mages with the Inquisition. Some of my companions thought I should conscript them. I made it very clear the we will not be slavers. I prefer allies, especially in fighting the Elder One, and I told them that if anyone had a problem with that, then the door was right behind them. We took Alexius and Felix with us to Haven in hopes that maybe Blackwall would know if we could make Felix a warden._

 _The silver lining in all this is that Teagan can return to Redcliffe and Fiona can come to Haven and meet her son._

 _Now…Dorian Pavus, who has formally joined the Inquisition. His is an Altus (step below magister) from Tevinter who wants to reform his homeland, make it a place where people can be free. He only likes the "company" of men, is an avid reader, strikingly handsome, and gloriously vain. He has a marvelous sense of style, a wicked sense of humor and he and I are well on the way to becoming great friends._

 **~oOOo~**

"I'm glad that Bull and Dorian got together," Alistair said as he closed the journal.

"Oh? Relieved to no longer be the target of Dorian's flirtations?"

"No…I mean yes, but…"

"But what?"

"Well, his attention was kind of flattering."

Marnie looked genuinely surprised. "Oh! I had no idea you felt that way. Were you ever…curious?"

"No. Not even a little."

"Good, because that would have been kind of awkward if you wanted me to share you with Dorian. I mean what would _I_ do? It's not like we could have shared Dorian."

"Awkward? You're talking about me having sex with someone who isn't you, while you watch…and the worst you can call it is 'awkward'?"

"I seem to remember you intimating that the only reason we weren't going to the Pearl was because Lily was with us."

Alistair saw the twinkle in Marnie's eyes and put his arms around her. "You are all I could ever want."

"Well then, perhaps after Lily goes to bed tonight, I can flatter you properly. In the meantime, let's see what's in that crate labeled "Stuff stacked under the writing desk."

 **~oOOo~**

 _ **24 Haring  
9:40**_

 _It's not every day you get to meet your mother. I suppose you do when you're born, but well, it's not like you really know who is who when you're born. So, I suppose no one ever really meets their mother…_

 _Anyway._

 _When Marnie returned with the mages, I was so concerned with the dark circles under her eyes that I refused to leave her side until she told me what happened. She said she really couldn't talk about and handed me her journal. Then she brought me over to meet my mother. Well, she didn't really introduce us, as much as she brought me over to a petite dark-haired elven woman. When she turned around I saw eyes similar to mine, at least in shape, look up at me._

 _I know I look a lot like my father, but not in the eyes. My eyes, as I saw then, are those of my mother._

 _We both stood there staring at each other. Neither of us spoke, we just watched. Then she hesitantly brushed her hand across my cheek, I saw tears well up in her eyes, as she said, "My beautiful boy. I never thought I would see you again. Forgive me for ever leaving you."_

 _Having understood why she left me with my father and why my father had sent me to Eamon, I took her hand in mine and told her "There is nothing to forgive," then I hugged her. She hugged me back and we both stood there in the middle of the Haven chantry hugging and crying._

 _They were very, very, happy tears._

 **~oOo~**

 **AN:** Sorry for the delay, updates will be more regular. Thanks to ElyssaCousland for her beta skills and suggestions and to those who have reviewed and are following along.


	24. Who Knew She Had a Middle Name?

**Who Knew She Had a Middle Name?**

 _ **24 Haring, 9:40 Dragon**_

 _Alexius and Felix were sharing a cabin. Alexius was guarded by templars. I made sure that Alexius had all of the ingredients and equipment he needed to continue making the potion for Felix, but the boy's time was running out._

 _I talked to Ali and he told me that the joining required the blood of an Archdemon and a mage who knew how to mix the that blood with lyrium and freshly drawn darkspawn blood._

 _I thought perhaps that Blackwall and I could take him to Amaranthine and see if Nathaniel could help; with Edwyn gone, Nathaniel was Arl and Warden Commander. Ali and I went to Blackwall to ask. He was rather reticent about accompanying me to Amaranthine, so when Ali pressed a bit Blackwall admitted that he had never been to Amaranthine and didn't know the current group of Ferelden wardens. Ali thought that a bit strange, but having been away from the Wardens since the Blight he felt he wasn't in a place to judge._

 _I was desperate; then I remembered that Avernus had a version of the joining. I suggested to Ali that I take Felix to Avernus. He knows me and maybe he would be willing to help. Ali was uncomfortable with me going alone and suggested that I take Blackwall. I was reluctant, because I didn't quite trust Avernus not to try something on Blackwall. I actually thought the best group for dealing with Avernus would be me, Dorian, and Bull. I didn't want to expose Cullen to any lyrium, and I certainly wasn't going to bring along a templar I didn't know._

 _I brought this all to Alexius and Felix who were surprised at the plan. Felix didn't know if he wanted to be a warden because that meant leaving his father behind. Alexius, however, was in favor of the idea if it meant Felix might live. I left the father and son to talk about it, but the longer we waited the worse it would get._

 _I asked Ali to write to Arl-Commander Nathaniel and see if he would be willing to accept Felix into the Ferelden wardens. Ali and I both thought that Orlais would be the last place a Tevinter-born warden should go._

 _I hope we can save Felix._

 _ **28 Haring**_

 _ **9:40**_

 _Marnie, Felix, Dorian and Bull left yesterday for Soldier's Peak. Nathaniel will join them there and take Felix (if he survives) to Amaranthine. Marnie is going to be gone for two full weeks just traveling there and back; fortunately they don't have to go to Amaranthine as well. Dorian, who knows how to ride a horse (which is surprising), is sharing the saddle with Felix. Not only does Felix not know how to ride, it will also conserve his energy. Marnie has a supply of the potion Alexius has been giving Felix. But Felix needs to take a larger amount of it more often. Time is critical._

 _ **6 Wintermarch, 9:41 Dragon**_

 _We are heading back to Haven. Felix survived the Joining, but it was a close thing. He convulsed for a while then fell unconscious. Alive but unconscious. Avernus was positive he would be fine, but I wasn't going to leave without knowing for sure._

 _I was able to visit with Nathaniel, who told me they had not heard from Edwyn. Nathaniel was concerned with news coming out of Orlais; rumors were circulating that that many of the wardens were hearing their Calling. The Orlesian Warden Commander had sent him a letter recently commanding him to meet her in Montsimmard. I was taken aback at her commanding another Warden-Commander and asked Nathaniel what he was going to do. His answer: "Ignore her."_

 _I thought that made sense. Under Edwyn's command, the Ferelden wardens had taken to becoming isolationist after the end of the Blight. Weisshaupt had sent that old biddy to Amaranthine to spy on the Ferelden Wardens under the guise being a sort of treasurer; Edwyn had sent her packing after they dealt with the Architect, and cut off communications with Weisshaupt and Orlais._

 _I said goodbye to Felix, who actually gave me a hug. I told him I would find a way for his father to get messages to Amaranthine so they could stay in contact. I had already mentioned this to Nathaniel, who was okay with it._

 **~oOOo~**

"Are you okay with your Mother staying here?" Marnie asked she curled up next to Alistair on the sofa.

"I am. I understand why she wouldn't want to move to Redcliffe, and she can always come to visit and we can come back here."

"She is such a wonderful grandmother."

Alistair grinned. "I know. The kids love her to pieces. I have to admit, once she and I talked about my father, I stopped feeling quite so much like an abandoned bastard. Given my mother is an Orlesian, elven-mage, I understand why my father couldn't recognize me. Besides, neither of

them wanted me to carry the burden of the throne. They were protecting me."

"Your mother told me that if Eamon were still alive, allowing him to live would be a chore, at best. Regarding Isolde, she told me, 'It would have been impossible not to 'turn her into a toad."

Alistair laughed. "Isolde as a toad…can you imagine how shrill her croak would be?"

Marnie chuckled, but then her expression turned somber. "Fiona was a real help in Haven, especially when you all evacuated the chantry. I thought we were headed for another "Tevinter Argument."

"No." Alistair said, "I was just being a worried ass. I realized that there was no other option. Mother knew you'd be okay. She kept me sane as we saw the avalanche bury Haven."

"I never expected the Elder One to be Corypheus." Marnie shook her head as her thoughts went back to the night after they'd sealed the breach.

… …. … .. .. …. .. … … ..… …. … .. .. …. ..… …. … .. .. …. ..

 _Cullen pulled the massive chantry doors shut as soon as I was inside. "Herald, if we can aim the Trebuchet towards the Chantry we can bury the rest of the red templars in an avalanche," he suggested._

" _Good plan, once you've evacuated everyone."_

" _We cannot escape without being overtaken."_

" _I will buy you the time you need."_

" _It's pointless, Herald." Cullen argued. "The best we can do is take down this Elder One with us."_

 _I lowered my voice. "There must be a way, Cullen. I will be damned if you think I am sacrificing anyone here!"_

 _A frail voice interrupted them, "Herald, there is a way."_

 _I turned to see Dorian and Alistair ease the seriously injured Chancellor to the floor, and hurried over. I looked at Dorian, hoping he could save Roderick's life, but the mage's expression was clear. The chancellor was dying._

 _I knelt down. "My Lord Chancellor?"_

" _There is a pilgrim's path that leads from the Chantry into the mountains."_

 _I looked up and said, "Cullen, Alistair you need to lead the evacuation. I will buy you the time you need. Have Dorian, Vivienne, or Solas, send up a signal when you're a safe distance from here and I will launch the trebuchet."_

 _Alistair gently pulled me aside, his expression fearful. "What about you? You cannot sacrifice yourself!"_

" _It's me this Elder One wants. I am the only one who can keep him distracted long enough for you all to get to safety."_

" _We don't even know who or what this Elder One is. Let me go with you."_

" _No, Ali. You have to help lead the evacuation. You are the Prince of Ferelden. You need to lead the people to safety."_

" _I don't give a–"_

 _I held up my hand. "Don't say it, Ali! You have a responsibility, as do I. I will take Bull and Varric with me. Your people need you. I need you safe, so I'm not distracted. I just need to buy you enough time to get away. Then I will follow you." I stroked Alistair's cheek. "I promise."_

 _Alistair held my hand. "Please stay safe. I love you."_

" _And I you."_

 _We went back to the group and I said, "Bull, Varric, you're with me. Alistair, Cullen, follow the Chancellor's directions and get everyone out of the chantry and up that path."_

 _I knelt next to the Chancellor. "Roderick thank you for your council and friendship. It has meant the world to me."_

" _I am blessed to have known you, Herald of Andraste."_

 _I gently kissed his forehead then stood up. Blinking the tears away from my eyes, I met Bull and Varric at the door. "Ready?"_

" _Ready, Hawke."_

" _Let do this, Boss."_

… …. … .. .. …. .. … … ..… …. … .. .. …. ..… …. … .. .. …. ..

Coming out of her reverie she looked at Alistair. "I remember the collective howls when I took Chancellor Roderick to Redcliffe. Just me, him, and a templar of his choice.

Alistair shook his head, smiling. "Thankfully, Cullen, Varric, and I managed to convince everyone that you were _not_ insane."

"In their defense, I did say to the Chancellor that if after the trip to Redcliffe he still thought I had killed the Divine I would subject myself to the Chantry's authority, in return for leaving the Inquisition alone."

"It _was_ a risk. But Cullen, Varric, and I knew you'd win him over. It was no surprise to us that he began referring to you as the Herald and that he never said another word against the inquisition."

"He and Mother Celeste were my confidantes in a way no one else could be, save for you."

After a few moments, Alistair grinned. Pulling out a long piece of parchment. "Ah ha! Here is Varric's accounting of your rather dramatic retelling what happened when you met the Elder One."

Marnie groaned. "He wrote it down word for word…I sound like an idiot."

… …. … .. .. …. .. … … ..… …. … .. .. …. ..… …. … .. .. …. ..

 _Her Inquisitorialness was finally drunk enough for us to convince her to tell us the about what happened when she met the Elder One. This is a verbatim account, as you will read. There was nothing I could have possibly embellished._

 _ **Exalt the Herald**_

Something exploded and the next thing I know I'm lying on my back and staring at the sky. I couldn't quite move yet, and all I could think of was being a frozen dragon snack. Then I heard a voice yell, "Enough!"

The Dragon backed away, which was good. But my relief was brief as I recognized the voice. I knew that voice, I knew it from my nightmares, and when I turned towards him, I confirmed my fears–it was Corypheus, the First Darkspawn. I thought I had killed the bastard. However, not only was he alive, it was clear that he was the infamous Elder One. I began to regret not being eaten by the dragon.

He stood there looking at me as I fell trying to stand up. So much for my being a commanding presence!

"Pretender, you toy with forces beyond your kin, no more."

He was a lot taller than I remembered. His body was augmented with red lyrium. Given what it had done to Meredith, I couldn't begin to imagine what it had done to him. I mean, honestly how much more awful could he get? Not to mention the question of where in the void had he gotten a hold of that red crap.

As I looked at him, I asked what _I_ thought was a logical question. "Why do this?"

"Mortals beg for truth they cannot have. It is beyond what they are. What I was. Know me, know what you have pretended to be. Exalt the Elder One. The will that is Corypheus. You will kneel."

Having just managed to stand up, I refused to kneel. So I tried to clarify my question: I held up my hand and pointed to it. "I don't understand. Why do this?"

"Your understanding is not required. If you gain it, consider yourself blessed. I am here for the anchor. The process of removing it begins now!"

The pain in my hand forced me to my knees. The Anchor, as he called it, stayed put. Corypheus wasn't very happy.

"It is your fault, Herald! You interrupted a ritual that was years in the planning. Instead of dying, you stole its purpose. I do not know how you survived but what marks you is touched. What you flail at rifts, I crafted to assault the very heaven and you use the anchor to undue my work. The gall!"

I then asked the next most logical question, "What does the Anchor do?"

It is meant to bring certainty where there is none, for you the certainty that I would always come for it.

That's when he grabbed me by the hand and dangled me in front of him. At that moment, all my mind could manage was _Shite, when did he get so bloody tall?_

The longer I dangled by one arm the more it hurt. So naturally he picks then to begin his long-winded explanation.

"I once breeched the Fade in the name of another to serve the Old Gods of the Empire, in person. I found only chaos and corruption. Dead whispers. For a thousand years, I was confused. No more. I have gathered the will to return under no name but my own. To champion withered Tevinter and correct this blighted world. Beg that I succeed, for I have seen the throne of the gods and it was empty."

As was typical with Corypheus, he used about 100 words to say what he could have said in about a dozen. "I want to be a god and make Tevinter great again."

It was then that he stopped his diatribe and looked at me, not at my hand but at my face, which _was_ right in front of him.

"I know you!"

"Yes, you do! I am the one to whom you owe your freedom. I am the one who released you from your millennia of confusion!"

That's when the ungrateful wretch tossed me against the trebuchet.

The anchor is permanent, you have spoiled it with your stumbling. So be it. I will begin again. Find another way to give world the nation and god it requires. I will not suffer an even unknowing rival, but you, you _must_ die!"

Fortunately, my sword was nearby and I grabbed it. It was then that I saw the signal. I smiled and said, "Your arrogance still blinds you. Good to know."

I kicked the lever, launching the trebuchet. Corypheus looked in shock as the stone struck its target and the resultant avalanche flowed straight towards us. He quickly looked at me and I couldn't resist:

"Know me, know what you cannot pretend to be. Exalt the Herald of Andraste and the will that is Marnie Elendra Theirin!"

I shit you not. Hawke actually said that, and who knew she had a middle name! - VT

… … .. .. … .. … … … … … … … .. … … … … … … … .. … … … … … …

 _ **15 Wintermarch**_

 _ **9:41**_

 _Marnie sealed the Breach, of course; how else could I be alive to write in you?_

 _Anyway._

 _She is sleeping next to me as I write this. She was half frozen when Cullen and I found her walking through the snow to find us._

 _She was also caught by the avalanche that destroyed the chantry and leveled Haven. I am beginning to wonder if there is something to her being Andraste's Herald. I mean, if Andraste's smart, Marnie would be the logical choice._

 **~oOOo~**

"Please tell me that you never _actually_ believed I was Andraste's Herald?"

Alistair just looked at her.

"Ali?"

"Well… your survival against so many odds…I mean you're tough, and smart, and wily, but…If I were Andraste and needed a Herald–"

"Alistair Theirin! I am not, nor have I ever been Andraste's Herald, and you know it. It was some spirit that helped out in the Fade, not Andraste–"

"Okay…okay. Then how about being the beautiful Goddess Elendra, whom I will worship all my days?"

"Hmm. I like it. Shall we retire so you can properly show your devotion?"


	25. Your Herald! Your Inquisitor!

**Your Herald! Your Inquisitor!**

 _ **20 Wintermarch, 9:41 Dragon**_

 _It's official. I am the Inquisitor. Nugshit! I never wanted this! I never wanted to be the Champion of Kirkwall, either. But this situation is so much worse. This anchor won't just go away and neither will Corypheus. I need to kill Corypheus once and for all. But who knows - if that is even possible, how long it will take? Will I even survive it? Is he like an Archdemon?_

 _I want to see my daughters and sons. I miss holding my sweet Lily. Taking long walks with Siobhan talking about life. Working with Cricket as he readies himself for University. Watching my eldest become a Knight. Being apart from them is killing me!_

 _Damn this fucking anchor. Damn me and my conscience for making me feel responsible for the mages who were executed in Kirkwall. If I had never stepped foot in Haven, someone else would have heard the Divine's call for help and they would be the inquisitor._

 _DAMN YOU CORYPHEUS!_

 _ **21 Wintermarch  
9:41**_

 _Last night was kind of rough. I don't believe I have ever had to dodge a flying journal and empty ink-pot. After the ink pot shattered against the stone wall behind me, Marnie yelled and then began sobbing. I quickly picked her up from her desk chair laid her down on the bed. I followed and held Marnie while she cried._

 _When she was able to speak, she told me how lost she felt. How finally having a stable home and a family, living without fear of being discovered and having to move was such a precious gift that to have it suddenly ripped away was breaking her heart. My heart ached for her, for once again being forced put her life on the line._

 _She told me how unfair it was to me and our family. How sorry she was for going to the conclave. That it was her fault for allowing her conscience to be manipulated. That she would understand if I never forgave her, and if I decided to leave her to find a new life with our children._

 _As soon as the words were out of her mouth, I grasped her shoulder tightly and made her look at me and listen. I told her there was nothing to forgive. That her feeling responsible for the mages in Kirkwall, no matter how misplaced that feeling was, is part of who Marnie Theirin is: a woman with more heart and soul than anyone I've known. I told her that neither Walter, Siobhan, or Cricket blame her for any of this. In fact, they are quite proud of their mom. I also told her that she is the only one I ever want to share my life with. That we would get through this, together._

 _I think she heard me because her breathing started to even out. Then she fell asleep in my arms. I laid back still holding her and also promptly fell asleep._

 _I awoke just after dawn. Marnie was sound asleep. I needed to talk to Cullen, who thankfully is also an early riser. For some reason, I feel more comfortable talking to him about Marnie than I feel with Varric. I love Varric like a brother, but Cullen is better at understanding Marnie._

 _As usual, Cullen was already at his desk. Next to him was a neatly stacked pile of parchment. I looked over at my desk and saw a similar stack, the same size as Cullen's. I knew that if I wasn't here, Cullen's pile would be twice as high._

 _Anyway,_

 _Cullen heard me enter and when he looked up he knew something was wrong. As you know, I'm not good at the stoic-expressionless-calm thing. He walked over to me, but before he could even ask I told him about Marnie's breakdown last night. I told him about Marnie blaming herself for being at the conclave and for splitting up our family. Cullen smiled ruefully and said that he wondered when this would happen. He too believes that she wouldn't be Marnie if she didn't feel that way. Sometimes I forget that Marnie was in Kirkwall for a year before I got there. Cullen and Varric already knew her quite well by then._

 _Cullen asked if we'd considered bringing Siobhan, Lily, and Cricket to Skyhold? I was dumbstruck (I know, I know, not an uncommon occurrence). It never occurred to either of us to bring the kids here._

 _Cullen saw my obvious shock and said, "Alistair, Skyhold is a fortress. They would have more space and would be safer here than in Denerim, and you and Marnie are here."_

 _All I could do was nod and smile. Cullen said that he'd talk to Josephine, Leliana, and Cassandra. He figured if the idea came from Leliana, Marnie would be far less likely to dismiss it out of hand._

 _ **22 Wintermarch, 9:41 Dragon**_

 _Leliana came to me today and asked if I'd considered bringing Siobhan, Cricket and Lily to live at Skyhold. When I ask what she meant, she pointed out that Skyhold would provide an extra level of safety. If they are here, it is less likely for someone to think of kidnapping them to try to manipulate the Inquisitor. Stunned, I asked her if this was a real threat? Does anyone know where the children are? Or even if I have children? Leliana pointed out that my being the former of Champion of Kirkwall virtually ensured the public had information about my children. I agreed and then Leliana pointed out that it would better that they were here before we knew of any credible threat._

 _I thanked her and said that I needed to talk to Ali first._

 _ **23 Wintermarch  
9:41**_

 _Guess what? Yes, I know that if I waited for you to guess, this would be my last journal entry._

 _Anyway._

 _Marnie came and told me that Leliana had spoken to her about having Siobhan, Cricket and Lily live at Skyhold with us, that they would be safer here in case anyone wanted to kidnap them to manipulate the inquisition. She asked me if I would be okay with that?_

 _Naturally I said yes._

 _Thank you, Cullen and Leliana._

 **~oOOo~**

"I never had any idea you'd already spoken to Cullen about that. You did a good job at looking surprised." Marnie chuckled.

"Well, looking surprised and clueless is my specialty."

"Ali, it is not!" Marnie shook her head. "I have to admit, Cullen was right. I might have dismissed it out of hand if Leliana hadn't proposed it to me as a safety issue."

Alistair smiled. "When Lily ran into your arms, the look of pure bliss on your face was something I will always remember. You were so worried she would be resentful or otherwise unhappy with you."

"I didn't realize just how anxious I was about that until I saw her smile."

"I'm glad that they were able to build out Lily's room." Alistair said.

"I am glad we were able to use the two unused guard towers on either side of Cullen's for Siobhan and Cricket."

"Indeed, although you didn't like them being so far away at first, but Siobhan loved being closer the stables. Cricket loved being closer to the Mage's tower."

Marnie smirked. "That wasn't the only thing Siobhan liked about the location of her quarters."

Alistair rolled his eyes, then looked at the remaining journals. "We didn't journal much once we settled in at Skyhold, did we?"

"No. Every time I came back to Skyhold from what felt like every nook and cranny of southern Thedas I wanted to spend as much time as I could you and the kids, and at night I certainly wasn't going to spend my evenings writing."

Alistair grinned, "Yes, we had better things to do, all of them involving you naked in my arms, although not always in bed."

Marnie blushed scarlet and then said, "You journaled though."

"Yes, but never when you were at Skyhold. Usually I journaled because I needed to work something out in my head. And of course, the inevitable "I shit you not, this really happened" entries."

Marnie laughed. "I do recall journaling about the day you and Cullen pretended to be darkspawn."

 **~oOOo~**

 _ **23 Guardian, 9:41 Dragon**_

 _Cullen and Alistair decided that the company needed to learn to fight against darkspawn, without the help of magic. Between the two of them they decided to give the troops an idea of just how tough the non-magic wielding darkspawn could be so they decided to pretend to be darkspawn (Ali would alpha to Cullen)._

 _They decided that they wanted to make this as real an experience as possible so they dressed up in cobbled armor typical of darkspawn and their swords and shield points were coated with a special potion that when it made contact with skin it would create a minor but noticeable irritation. This would simulate the potential for getting blight sickness._

 _If that wasn't enough, they also wanted to simulate the stench of darkspawn so the soldiers could learn how not to let it overwhelm them when fighting (neither one will own up to whose idea_ _that_ _was). Fiona was able to make something that really did smell like darkspawn and they coated their armor in it._

 _I have to admit it worked. In large part because Cullen and Ali are the most experienced and well-trained fighters and had fought more darkspawn—Ali of course with the most experience—than any of the Inquisition soldiers. They started with a group of four soldiers, who they beat handily. This drove the point home very quickly on just how tough darkspawn can be._

 _Siobhan, Cricket, and I watched from the battlements overlooking the training grounds because it was both the best view and it was upwind of Ali and Cullen._

 _I have to admit watching Ali fight always makes my insides melt and my mind go to all sorts of naughty places. Even though he smelled revolting, my mind still went to those same naughty places, but they all included bathing._

 **~oOOo~**

Alistair closed the journal looked at Marnie and grinned. "As I recall we did some _exceptionally_ naughty things involving water that night."

Marnie looked at the empty bathtub. "Too bad we already bathed, tonight."

Alistair leaned close to his wife, his voice a husky whisper. "Then we will just have to have another. You go get ready. I'll bring up the bath water personally."

 **AN:** Getting into the home stretch! Thanks to the readers and to my wonderful Beta ElyssaCousland!


	26. Doing what, to whom, and Why?

**Doing what, to whom, and why?**

Alistair pulled out another small packet of parchments and sat on the sofa. "When the kids first arrived at Skyhold, Lily wouldn't let you out of her sight."

Marnie curled up next to him. "I know. I was really grateful to Cullen and Cassandra for helping me stay out of the field for a few weeks. Your idea to bring her the war room so she could see the map and the markers was inspired."

"Well, you and I helped her understand that you had an important job, and by bringing her into the war room she could see where you were going."

"I am grateful to Leliana for setting aside a special set of Ravens you and I could use so I could send you notes to read to Lily, and you could write notes for Lily and send them to me."

"She loved getting those notes and having me write notes for her. I was fascinated by what Lily deemed important. The top three questions she had were 'What were you riding? Were you wearing armor? And whether or not 'Uncle Dory' was with you.'"

Marnie nodded, "It made sense. A good mount meant I could travel faster, armor told her if I was fighting, and Dorian was the only mage among my companions that she liked. She was rather disinterested in Vivienne, and she was afraid of Solas."

"Wise child. Do you remember when Cricket met Dorian? They spent forever in the library. I Think Varric referred them collectively as Bookends. I have to admit I was surprised that Dorian helped Cricket in the garden as much as he did."

Marnie grinned. "Cricket's interest in growing things _is_ infectious; it also helped that Bull thought Dorian covered in dirt was the sexiest thing he'd ever seen."

"Bull, Dorian, and dirt aside, Cricket's ideas really helped Elan increase the yield of our key healing herbs. Siobhan and Dennet worked very well together. Siobhan's dressage experience really made a difference training mounts for the Inquisition soldiers."

Marnie beamed. "Both of them made real contributions to the Inquisition and neither of them thought anything about it. I was thrilled that Josephine had them formally recognized for it."

"Now _that_ was a fun party! Not at all like stick-in-the-mud formal dinners you got stuck attending."

"Well none of those were quite as bad as the peace talks posing as a masquerade ball. I was so thankful that _you_ represented Ferelden. I don't know what Gaspard would have done if Teagan was there."

"Please don't remind me. That night was an experience we don't need to have again."

 **~oOOo~**

 _ **28 Drakonis, 9:41 Dragon**_

 _I'm not overly picky about clothing—something that drove mother a bit nuts—but when_ _we were in the war room yesterday,_ _Josephine gave us the sketches of the Inquisition's new formal attire, which we would be wearing to the Winter Palace next month. Frankly, I was aghast. Bright red jackets with gold trim, light butter yellow e_ _paulettes with matching leather gloves, and the loudest and largest blue belted sash I've ever seen._

 _I looked at everyone and said, "We are the Inquisition. There will be no sashes, or other such frippery. I want formal attire that matches who we are: serious, confident, and committed to our cause. I want the coats tailored to fit." I anticipated Josephine's reaction. "Yes, I know it will cost more, but it will be more than worth it."_

 _I then took the drawings with me and I said I would return with my changes._

 _Today, I showed them my drawings: deep red coats with black trim, and gold or brass buttons. The coats are to be clean tailored lines. No epaulettes, no sashes or any other wide fabric belts. I wanted the gloves to match the trim._

 _Cassandra and Cullen looked relieved. Leliana, who was dubious when I rejected the first designs, really liked my changes. Josephine remained skeptical_

 _ **8 Cloudreach, 9:41 Dragon**_

 _The night we went to the ball was the first time we were wore our new formal attire (save for our fittings)._

 _Josephine looked at us as we all stood together and said, "I believe that 'Inquisition red' will be all the rage this spring."_

 _Dorian's jaw hit the floor we he saw Bull and Cullen looking sharp in their Inquisition attire, and Ali looking fabulous in a red, black and gold (Theirin colors) brocade doublet, wearing his gold circlet. Alistair wasn't wearing Inquisition attire because he was attending as Prince Alistair of Ferelden._

 _I told Dorian to stop drooling and stick his tongue back in his mouth._

 _He said, "What? I am just appreciating the fine tailoring of these uniforms and that exquisite brocade doublet."_

" _Sure you are." I smiled and then I whispered in his ear. "Ali said he is only wearing the circlet to bed tonight."_

 _Dorian swallowed hard, then whispered back. "Hussy."_

" _Nope. Just exceptionally lucky."_

 _ **8 Cloudreach  
9:41**_

 _Meeting the Grand Duke was…interesting. Especially as both my eldest son and my wife had already met Gaspard, although Walter's introduction to the Grand Duke was, well…unique._

 _We were met at the entrance to the palace grounds. Josephine handled the overly formal introduction of "Prince Alistair Theirin of Ferelden to Grand Duke Gaspard de Chalons of Orlais." The first thing Gaspard said after being introduced was "Tell your son Walter that I named the cat after him so I would never forget being played by a 17-year-old squire."_

 _The GD's mask was designed in such a way that his eyes were barely visible. It made it hard to tell if he was upset or not. Josephine, who had no mask, was trying very hard not to look scandalized. I'm guessing Marnie never told her about that incident._

 _Josephine and Leli told me the only people I had to dance with were the ones Josephine introduced to me. So, aside from the women Josie determined I should dance with, I spent the evening declining all other requests for dances._

 _Even Marnie had to dance. She's not only a graceful dancer, but also knows how to lead. This was important as she had to dance with the Grand Duchess Florianne!_

 _Cullen, however, was able to decline all offers to dance. Lucky bastard._

 _Anyway._

 _My poor wife spent the night trying to gain the court's favor all the while traipsing through what seemed to be almost every room of the palace. Why? So, she could figure out who was planning to do what, to whom, and why. That basically boiled down to_

 _Who: Grand Duchess Florianne de Chalons (Gaspard's sister)  
What: to Kill  
Who: Celene  
Why: Because Corypheus after ascending to god-hood promised to make Florianne ruler of all Thedas (I promise I doubt he would have kept)._

 _Who: Grand Duke Gaspard  
What: to overthrow  
Who: Celene  
_

 _And_

 _What: to Frame  
Who: Ambassador Briala  
Why: to become Emperor_

 _Who: Ambassador Briala  
What: to disrupt the peace talks  
Who: Celene and Gaspard  
Why: To raise elves to nobility_

 _Marnie saved Celene from Florianne, and managed to reunite Briala and Celene, who were lovers (that was news to me). As for Gaspard, well, he managed to earn my wife's ire once she found out that in addition to the Chevaliers the GD was using for his coup, he had also a hired a number of Fereldan mercenaries. Gaspard held sway over enough Chevaliers to overthrow Celene without outside help. Marnie figured that the only reason to hire Fereldan mercenaries would be to cast suspicion on Ferelden if the GD "needed to cover his lily-white Orlesian arse." She left him for Celene to sort out._

 _Thankfully at the end of the party I did get to dance with my wife, alone under the stars, on a terrace._

 _However, I had to pass by Morrigan to get there._

 _Yes, that Morrigan._

 _ **10 Cloudreach, 9:41 Dragon**_

 _Well, Celene remains on the throne, and I even reunited her with her lover – Ambassador Briala. I think Celene decided in the end to exile Gaspard._

 _I was there at the invitation of the Grand Duke, and so by extension were my inner circle and advisors. Ali, however, was there as the Prince of Ferelden. I knew the entire evening was going to be a trial when Ali was given the honor of being introduced before the Grand Duke. Gaspard wasn't pleased, but he still had the Inquisitor on his arm, so to speak._

 _It was a long and difficult evening._

 _Although, it was not without some humor (or irony, I haven't decided which) that we have an advisor on the Occult, our liaison to Orlais, none other than Morrigan. She came to me during the evening regarding one of the many intrigues of the night. She, of course, was not surprised to see me because she knew about the Inquisition. I, however, was a bit stunned._

 _I remember meeting her in Lothering during the Blight. I had known Alistair for maybe a candle or so when he introduced me to Edwyn and Morrigan. Although he didn't really introduce me to Morrigan. It was only after my tearful, but happy meeting of my cousin, I remembered my manors and turned to the woman Ali had referred to as a hedge-witch._

 _I had said "Forgive me, I'm Hawke and you are?"_

" _Vaguely ill, but you may call me Morrigan."_

 _Later in the night when she met me on the terrace, I asked her if she was still vaguely ill?_

 _She frowned for a moment, then chucked softly, "I suppose was rather put off by the tear-filled sentimental display. I have since learned that being sentimental is not always a sign of weakness. So, no. I am no longer vaguely ill. But I am still Morrigan, and now I am the Empress' liaison to the Inquisition."_

 _I was worried about how she and Ali would get along, as he had told me about some of the difficulties he'd had with Morrigan during the Blight._

 **~oOOo~**

"Those introductions at the Winter Palace were so overblown!" Marnie groaned, remembering.

Alistair, who was standing near the fire place, smiled as he stood up straight looking self-important. "Accompanying the Grand Duke, Lady Inquisitor Theirin, neé Hawke. Single-handed destroyer of the Qunari invaders in Kirkwall, vanquisher of the rebel mages of Ferelden, crusher of the vile apostates of the mage underground, Champion of the Blessed Andraste herself!"

Marnie rolled her eyes. "Yours sounded much more dignified. 'His Royal Highness, Prince Alistair Theirin of Ferelden. Second son of King Maric Theirin. Hero of the 5th Blight, former Commander of the Grey Wardens of Ferelden.'

"I was not the Hero of Ferelden."

"Like they were going to give any credit to either a mage or Loghain Mac Tir?"

"True."

"I was pissed that there was no mention of our being married. I went straight to Josephine, who patiently explained that as I was the guest of the Grand Duke it was to save Gaspard from suspicion of colluding with Ferelden. Which made a lot more sense once we found the leader of the Ferelden mercenaries he hired."

Alistair sat back down and began to laugh. "Remember when they introduced Cassandra? What was it Allegra, Portia, Filomena…

"Portia, _Calogera_ , Filomena."

"Right. Fortunately, she now has only one name for people to remember."

"True. There was one good memory from that night: I got to dance with you under the stars."

"Oh?" Alistair raised one eyebrow. "I recall _several_ good memories from that night."

All Marnie could do was blush.

 **~oOOo~**

AN: Thanks to Melysande and Judi for your reviews and support. Also to my beta ElyssaCousland for her terrific beta skills.


	27. The Too Long, No Good, Very Weird Day

**The too long, no good, very weird day**

 _ **14 Cloudreach  
9:41**_

 _Marnie is in Crestwood with Bull, Dorian, and Cole. There is a rift in the middle of a lake; how are they going to get to it? …No, I cannot even begin to imagine._

 _Guess who just showed up today?_

 _Edwyn._

 _According to the gate guard, Edwyn simply walked up to the guard station and said that he was Warden Edwyn Amell and he was here to see Prince Alistair Theirin. The guards were suspicious, but they know I used to be a warden. They sent a runner to fetch me and when I arrived at the gate there he was. I pulled him into a hug which was the quickest way to communicate to the guard that all was alright and they could stand down._

 _Anyway_

 _I took Edwyn to mine and Cullen's office. Yes, the hole is still in the roof. Cullen keeps saying he's going to fix it, but I think he actually likes it that way. His one bit of rebellion in a lifetime of towing the line. Currently, he was working with Dennet and Siobhan on plans to develop a cavalry. As soon as I closed the door, I said, "'Don't worry' you wrote! Then you disappeared. Where in the void have you been?"_

 _Edwyn apologized about the "wording of that note," and admitted that he should have come to see Marnie and me and explain. He was looking for a cure for the taint but then "strange things" started happening. He said that he started hearing rumors of tainted lyrium being given to templars in Kirkwall; knowing about Meredith and remembering Marnie's request, he went to Kirkwall to investigate and sure enough the templars are being given red lyrium._

 _Edwyn told me, "I also heard that an ancient magister was mucking about with the red lyrium. It turned out to be Corypheus, the one you wrote to me about Marnie having killed."_

 _I nodded my head, "The bugger didn't seem to stay dead."_

 _Edwyn suggested that Corypheus is a bit like the Archdemon and simply took over another's body. He said he warned Nate and then went to Orlais to see Warden-Commander Clarel._

" _That's when all the wardens starting hearing the Calling."_

 _It was at that point that I sat down in my chair, hard._

 _Edwyn was quick to say that it wasn't the real Calling, that he believed it was Corypheus inducing this false calling through the red lyrium._

 _I held up my hand for Edwyn to stop. I went to my desk and wrote a note that read, "Seek Antivan Lion." I folded the note and gave it to the guard stationed outside the office with the instructions to give it directly to Sister Leliana. Then I took Edwyn to the War Room. The note is a code used to say there is an emergency and to meet in the War Room. I thought this counted as an emergency._

 _Once everyone was in the room, Edwyn explained that when he arrived in Orlais, Clarel said she'd written all the warden-commanders ordering them to come to Orlais with their wardens. Edwyn had already alerted Nathaniel, and according to Marnie, Nathaniel was ignoring Clarel's ridiculous summons._

 _Edwyn continued to explain that since the wardens all thought they were dying they were desperately trying to find help in trying to rid Thedas of darkspawn. "A solution found them in the form of a Tevinter Magister named Livius Erimond."_

 _Cullen, Cassandra, Josie, and Leliana all had the same thought as I did: The convenient arrival of a Tevinter magister had to be connected with Corypheus. I said as much to Edwyn._

 _Edwyn nodded. "Indeed. His idea was to create a demon army that could enter the deep roads and kill the remaining old gods. Of course, the demon army would require the warden mages to commit human sacrifices to bind the demons to them. What they failed to realize was that in doing so they will be binding themselves to Corypheus."_

 _Edwyn said that he tried to convince Clarel that Erimond couldn't be trusted, that this was a plot by Corypheus. "Clarel decided that I was a traitor to the wardens and tried to have me arrested, but I escaped. As soon has she has the wardens gathered she will be lead them to Adamant Fortress to perform the ritual."_

 _Cullen decided to start plans for laying siege to the fortress, and Leliana was going to send out scouts to Adamant, but further plans needed to wait for Marnie's return._

 _Since we were done with the dramatic bits, I escorted Edwyn around to introduce him to Marnie's inner circle, at least the ones that were here: Vivienne, Solas, Sera, and he already knew Varric._

 _Then we went to the stables so I could introduce him to Blackwall. As soon as I said that Blackwall was a Warden, Edwyn whipped out his staff and dropped Blackwall to the ground, the blade of his staff at Blackwall's neck._

 _Before I could speak, Edwin growled, "Liar! You do not carry the taint; who are you really?"_

 _Apparently, we were not done with the dramatic bits._

 _Blackwall explained that he was recruited but hadn't gone through the Joining because his recruiter was killed by darkspawn. He couldn't just go to Val Chevin because he had no proof that he'd been recruited and was worried that they would think he was the killer. So, he just pretended to be a warden and travelled around helping people when he could and fighting darkspawn when they appeared._

 _Edwyn held up his hand to help Blackwall to his feet, then looking from Blackwall to me he said, "I either put him through the Joining, or he dies."_

 _I told Edwyn that I understood, but Blackwall was under the protection of the Inquisition, even more so as he isn't a warden. This had to wait until Marnie returned._

 _Edwyn nodded, reluctantly, then said, "If he tries to escape Skyhold, I will hunt him down and kill him, Inquisition or not."_

 _Blackwall said he wasn't leaving and was thankful to have a chance to really join the wardens._

 _There is something that Blackwall is holding back. I know him pretty well, and I'm sure there is something more to this. Hopefully Marnie can get it out of him._

 _When we left the stables, I pulled Edwyn aside and told him that Morrigan was here, that she had been Celene's occult advisor._

 _Edwyn grinned. "I know; I was with her in Orlais. How did you think I knew where to find you?"_

 _Then he jogged off in the direction of the courtyard._

 _I turned and went straight to the tavern._

 _Then I went straight to bed._

 **~oOOo~**

"That was a too long, no good, very weird day. I mean Edwyn showed up two candles after breakfast and the day just went on and on…"

Marnie was messaging Alistair's right shoulder. "I'm glad you waited for me to decide about Blackwall."

"Well, you were the Boss." Then Alistair groaned as the knotted muscle relaxed.

"Feel better?"

Alistair smiled, "Much."

"Good, because we are running out of crates and we still have a few more journal entries to read."

 **~oOOo~**

Thanks as always to my beta ElyssaCousland!


	28. About Blackwall and Paper Umbrellas

_**About Blackwall and Paper Umbrellas**_

 _ **22 Cloudreach  
9:41**_

 _We decided that Edwyn, Cullen, and Leliana should question Blackwall. While I am Cullen's second, I am no longer a warden, and I am Prince of Ferelden._

 _I don't need to explain why Cassandra wasn't among the group. Although really, I didn't have to explain why I wasn't there to you. Why do I keep calling you, 'you?'_

 _Anyway._

 _After they met, I met with Cullen and Leliana. It turns out Blackwall is really named Thom Rainier, a former Orlesian army captain. He told us about his orders to his men, and the bribe he took to have the general and his entourage killed. I cannot reconcile this Thom Rainer with Blackwall. Cullen was disgusted with what Rainer had done, but agreed he has been a real asset to the Inquisition. Edwyn had not changed his mind about putting Blackwall through the Joining. According to Cullen it was something Edwyn made very clear before he left the war room to see Morrigan._

 _The thing is that Blackwall - we agreed to call him that still - has been a rock for Marnie in the field; she trusts him with her life. I said as much to Leliana and Cullen._

 _Leliana suggested not telling Marnie about Blackwall's real identity and what he'd done as Thom Rainer._

 _Cullen and I both looked a bit shocked at the suggestion. I was pretty direct. "You mean lie to your Inquisitor? Lie to my wife?"_

 _Leliana arched her eyebrow and looked at me. "Does she really need to know?"_

 _I began to get angry. "Forget for a second that a lie of omission is just that, a lie. You are suggesting withholding information from the Inquisitor about someone in her inner circle! The reason they are in the inner circle is because she can trust them with her life!"_

 _Leliana snapped at me, "Precisely! Blackwall made mistakes, but if any of us thought for a second that he would not protect the Inquisitor with his life, he would be in the dungeon. If we tell her and she feels she can no longer place her trust in him she loses the use of her 'rock.'"_

 _I was unimpressed with her reasoning. "If we still trust him, what makes you think Marnie won't? No, don't answer that because it doesn't matter. I would not lie to the Inquisitor whether or not she was my wife, and I won't lie to my wife."_

 _Cullen had been silent during this exchange and I asked if he agreed with her._

 _He sighed. "I cannot condone withholding information from Marnie, either."_

 _Leliana gave an arrogant shrug (I don't how she managed to make a shrug arrogant, but she succeeded). "I hope you are right about the Inquisitor. We need Blackwall. She needs Blackwall."_

 _There was something about the body language and tone that just felt like nails on slate to me and I exploded, pounding my fist on the war table, sending the markers everywhere. "How dare you question how well I know Marnie! She was my wife long before you and Cassandra showed up. She is my best friend. I dare say that I know her far, far better than you ever will!"_

 _Cullen placed his hand on my shoulder, but looked at_ _her._ _"Sister Leliana, thank you for your counsel, but I believe we are in agreement that the Inquisitor will be told about what happened. I suggest Alistair, Edwyn, and I brief the Inquisitor on the situation and we will communicate her decision._

 _I did manage to apologize. I said that I was "sorry for my temper, Sister Nightingale."_

 _Yes, I meant to call her that, because at that moment she was no longer Leliana to me._

 _ **28 Cloudreach  
9:41**_

 _Marnie returned today, practically falling asleep in my arms. I scooped her up and carried her to our quarters. Once there, I helped her out of her armor and arming clothes; she crawled under the covers and was sound asleep as soon as her head hit the pillow. I had put Lily down for a nap about a half candle before Marnie arrived, and she would probably nap for a candle more. Siobhan said she would stay close and watch Lily if she woke up before I got back._

 _I was a man with a mission…Lunch! Except when I exited our quarters, I found Bull waiting for me. I was guessing that it was more than just a rift in the middle of a lake and I said as much to Bull._

 _The lake apparently was usually damned up, but the mayor had opened the waterway and drowned half the village to prevent the spread of Blight sickness. However, according to Bull, not everyone who drowned had Blight sickness and those who were sick had their families with them._

" _It was a bad scene. Boss didn't take it very well."_

 _Bull explained that Marnie wants the mayor found and brought to Skyhold. She wants to make sure the Inquisition doesn't overstep its bounds, and as the mayor is Fereldan, Crestwood is in Ferelden, and this happened during the Blight, she is hoping that I can decide if the mayor can stand trial here and have her sit in judgment or if we should ship him to Denerim to the king or queen for judgment._

 _I asked Bull to join me for lunch, as I knew there was more to say, but I was too hungry to concentrate, having forgotten to eat breakfast. I know I don't have the grey warden appetite, but I train hard every day; food is still a high priority._

 _As we sat in the tavern for lunch, Bull mentioned that he'd seen Edwyn and felt that he was here for more than having "one on one time with Morrigan." (Yes, that thought still nauseates me)._

 _Bull leaned closer and said, "I'm guessing he has more information on our missing wardens - or is he to give Blackwall the Grey Warden cocktail and see if he lives?"_

 _I almost spewed ale out of my mouth. "Cocktail?" I managed to gasp._

" _You know, Darkspawn and Archdemon blood, heavy on the Lyrium," Bull said quietly with a big grin._

 _I would like to say that I was surprised at Bull's knowledge and observations, but aside from the cocktail comment, I really wasn't. I did ask if he thought Marnie knew. Bull told me that she knew he was hiding something, but whatever it was she firmly believes that his heart is in the right place._

 _I mentioned the cocktail to Edwyn; he thought it was great, it would be the Joining chalice with a little paper umbrella._

 _ **29 Cloudreach  
9:41**_

 _In the war room with Cullen, Edwyn, and Marnie we told her everything about the Warden's Blood magic ritual and everything about Blackwall. She was more than a little angry about the wardens – well, more than a lot angry, actually, and the Inquisition will be paying a visit to Adamant in the very near future._

 _When we told her about Blackwall, however, she didn't look angry, surprised, or even disappointed. She simply looked thoughtful as she listened. Once we were finished, she proceeded in her typically decisive way._

 _She asked me to tell Leliana to find Mornay, and bring him in alive and unharmed, then to bring Blackwall to Cullen's and my office in one candle. Cullen and Edwyn followed her out of the war room and were going straight to the office._

 _I don't know what they talked about while I was out (and I didn't want to ask), but when I arrived with Blackwall, Marnie was seated behind Cullen's desk. Cullen was standing at her side._

 _Josephine was seated at my desk and would be writing down what was said, as she usually does during judgements._

 _Edwyn was standing next to a chair that was in front of Cullen's desk. She motioned for Blackwall to sit and for me to stand at her other side_

 _I thought it was an interrogation, but it was both more in some ways and less in others. I was able to write this using Josie's transcript as a reference. I have hoped to capture some of the tension and emotion from what was really less about interrogation and more about getting Blackwall to see the real picture and take some of the guilt off his shoulders…that Mornay...he is a bloody rotter! I'm no Varric, so this will have far less flowery language._

 _Anyway._

 _I'm doing this because while the transcript will be filed in some dark corner of Josephine's office, this will be something that Blackwall can have to help him remember, and for Marnie when she gets down on herself – I can show her just how amazing she is as Inquisitor._

… … **. … .. .. …. … … … .. .. … … … … … .. ..** … … **. … .. .. …. … … … .. .. … … … … … .. ..**

 _Once we were all in our places. Marnie looked at Blackwall, caught his gaze and once it became obvious that she had his full attention, she said sharply, "Look me straight in the eyes and tell me exactly what you would have done if Chapuis' offer included killing Callier's wife and children."_

 _Without a second breath, Blackwall growled his reply, "I'd have never taken the money! But I_ _did_ _take the money, I am the one who told my men to attack the entourage and kill everyone. They followed my orders without question!"_

 _Marnie held up her hand and arched an eyebrow. Blackwall quieted, but his shoulders hunched and the emotional pain was clear on his face._

 _Marnie continued, her voice was softer now, conversational. "You were a captain in the Orlesian army, yes?"_

" _Yes."_

" _Your men were Orlesian soldiers?_

" _Yes."_

" _Were they new recruits?"_

 _Blackwall looked befuddled by the questions. "No, they were all experienced soldiers."_

" _Experienced soldiers in the Orlesian army?"_

" _Yes, they were experienced soldiers in the Orlesian army. The even spoke Orlesian." This last one was a bit sarcastic even for Blackwall_

 _Marnie kept calm and continued her questions. "Is it standard practice in the Orlesian army to murder women and their children?"_

" _No, not for the army," Blackwall continued with clear disdain in his voice. "The nobles though, they prefer assassins so they can play their Grand Game."_

" _Were any of your men assassins?"_

" _No!"_

" _Tell me, in wartime - or at least during this Civil War - what was the standard makeup of a general's entourage?"_

 _Blackwall shrugged. "Guards, some retainers, and soldiers."_

" _Are wives and children part of the typical entourage, even for a general?"_

" _No, they aren't. That is what made this such a nightmare."_

" _And was Callier a "typical" General?"_

" _Yes, he was just like the rest of them."_

" _Is entourage a general term?"_

" _What do you mean?"_

" _Could one of your soldiers have an entourage?"_

" _No, Entourages are for important people. Like Callier."_

" _Do all soldiers know that a typical Orlesian general's Entourage are 'guards, some retainers and soldiers'"_

" _Yes."_

" _Not information privileged to those in ranks of captain or higher?"_

" _No, all soldiers are aware of this."_

" _Is it safe to say that the longer one has been in the army the more likely it is they would know about the make-up of a general's Entourage?"_

" _Yes, of course."_

 _Marnie paused and shifted position then asked, "You've known your men for a while?"_

" _Yes, we went back a way."_

" _So, you came to know them well?"_

" _Yes."_

" _And they you?"_

" _Yes, or at least I thought so."_

" _Your men were loyal to you. They would follow your orders without question?"_

 _Blackwall just stared at Marnie; he looked confused at the questions and snarled, "Yes, and I ordered them to kill everyone in the entourage! Why are you—"_

 _Marnie held up her hand. "Please, let me continue. I promise this will make sense, just be patient with me." I knew that tone, it melts the hardest hearts._

 _Blackwall nodded then looked down at his hands. Marnie said, "Please, Blackwall, look at me while I am talking to you."_

 _Blackwall raised his head._

 _Marnie asked, "Why did you pick Mornay as your second-in-command?"_

" _He was a good fighter, an experienced soldier, smart, loyal."_

" _As your second, it was his job to lead the men, to carry out your orders as if they were coming from you, yes?"_

" _Yes."_

" _Did you give Mornay, or any of your men, any cause whatsoever to believe you would condone the slaughter of women and their children? Did you ever ask them to do so?"_

" _No."_

" _If you were leading the attack on Callier and you had seen the wife and children, what would you have done?"_

" _I would either commanded my men to spare them or I would've called off the attack."_

" _Would your actions have surprised your men?"_

" _No."_

" _But you were not there, so it was your second-in-command who had to carry out your orders? Your orders were kill everyone in the entourage?"_

" _Yes."_

" _You said entourage? Not whomever happened to be with him?"_

" _That's correct."_

" _So, your experienced, loyal second-in-command, who had no cause to believe the general's wife and children would be with him_ _, w_ _as ordered by you, someone who Mornay knew would not expect wives and children to be present, someone Mornay knew would never condone or carry out an order to kill a wife and her children, to kill the general and his entourage. Is that correct?"_

 _Blackwall's eyes grew wide and he looked surprised. "Yes, but–"_

" _No buts; was any part of my statement inaccurate?"_

" _No."_

" _Mornay carried out your order; that is true. However, knowing you well, and being an experienced soldier, he should have known when he saw the wife and children that something wasn't right. That his wife and children are not usually a part of a general's entourage. That as an Orlesian soldier and not an assassin, having the wife and children killed was highly irregular."_

" _I gave the order. He was loyal; he followed it." Blackwall had that stubborn look he gets when he digs his heels in._

" _No! He was acting through your authority and therefore could have given the same orders you would have given, that he_ _knew_ _you would have given—spare the wife and children or call off the attack. Somehow, Mornay decided that what you_ _really_ _meant was kill everyone, period. So, in fact he did not follow your orders. He acted like a mindless idiot and did the unthinkable!"_

 _It was clear to everyone that Marnie's anger was directed at Mornay, not Blackwall._

 _Blackwall's voice sounded less combative. "But I was the captain. I am ultimately responsible."_

 _Marnie looked at Cullen, and then stood up. Her voice was hardened. "Yes. When one delegates their authority, they do not delegate the responsibility. However, you would never have thought your second-in-command would have acted in such a way. But_ _you_ _took the money. Your actions were treasonous. You were arrogant, self-serving, greedy, and cowardly."_

 _Blackwall put his head in his hands. "I know. I am all those things."_

 _Marnie's voice was almost pleading. "Blackwall, the key word is 'were.' The man before me has spent years trying to atone, putting others' needs ahead of his own. Even before the Inquisition, you were traveling around southern Thedas, protecting those who needed protecting and sending evil doers to the void._ _You've been treating yourself as if you'd gone to the Void_ _for far longer than you would have experienced if you had been caught and executed._

" _So, I give you a choice. You can become Thom Rainer, and we will ship you off to Empress Celene, who will either separate your head from your shoulders or stretch your neck on the gallows. Or you can become Grey Warden Blackwall for real. After your joining, you will continue serving the Inquisition as you have, and once we send Corypheus to the Void you will be released from your duties with the Inquisition and you will go with Warden-Commander Amell and take up your duties as a Grey Warden."_

 _He didn't hesitate even for a moment. "I choose to become a Grey Warden and serve the Inquisition."_

" _Why?" Marnie asked._

 _Blackwall didn't look at all confused at this question; he smiled. "Because I am committed to the Inquisition. I believe its purpose is just and right. I am committed to following you, the Inquisitor, and to helping you destroy Corypheus in any way I can, even if it means the giving of my own life to save the Inquisition."_

 _Marnie practically beamed. "Then let it be known that my judgment as Inquisitor is to retain your valuable service as part of the Inquisition, with the understanding that once my job is done I will release you of your duties to the Inquisition, so that you may take up your duties as a Grey Warden."_

… … **. … .. .. …. … … … .. .. … … … … … .. ..** … … **. … .. .. …. … … … .. .. … … … … … .. ..**

 _That was the "end" of Josie's transcript._

 _Marnie asked Josie to keep this transcript with the confidential documents. No one was to know._

 _Like I said earlier, in a dark hole somewhere in her office. It would never see the light of day,_

 _Once Josie left, Marnie said that she and Cullen would leave so that Edwyn and I could perform the ritual. She also asked Edwyn if he had what he needed for the Joining. Edwyn did. How he got a hold of Archdemon blood and fresh Darkspawn blood I don't know…although I don't know that you need fresh darkspawn blood; it has always just been part of the ritual…hmm. There is so much Duncan never told me. It seems Edwyn has it figured out though. I'll ask later._

 _Anyway._

 _Marnie stood and motioned for Blackwall to wise as well - and then she hugged him. She said softly but I could still make it out. "Nothing you've said or done changes the trust and faith I have in you."_

 _He hugged her back._

 _My Marnie. I don't believe I have ever seen anything like this. It was such a well-reasoned argument, even I could follow it. Yes, I know, shocking. I am so damn proud of her. She is an example of what a leader should be. Wise, smart, compassionate. I am a very lucky bastard._

 _Oh, before I forget, when Edwyn gave the Chalice to Blackwall, it had a little paper umbrella._

 _ **29 Cloudreach, 9:41 Dragon**_

 _It was hard waiting to see if Blackwall survived the Joining. Cullen and I walked the battlements, and I asked him if my reasoning sat right with him._

 _He said that the way I laid everything out he found himself unable to disagree with me. Then he said, "I found your judgement to be wise, sensitive, and perceptive. Not at all surprising given it's you."_

 _High praise from the Commander. We parted and I told him I would be in my quarters awaiting the news from Ali._

 _It was well over a candle before Ali came to our quarters. He was smiling and I finally was able to let out the breath I was (figuratively) holding. He gave me a hug and said, "Brains, wisdom, heart, and beauty. I am a lucky man."_

 **~oOOo~**

"My friendship with Leliana didn't survive the issue with Blackwall. I know that you said Justinia was sorry for what she made Leliana do. I get that. But that really didn't excuse what she was suggesting, and then questioning if I knew how you'd react? No. It was over."

"Don't you regret that?" Marnie asked.

"Yes and no. I missed the Leliana who fought with us during the Blight. She was kind-hearted, quick with a song, someone I could talk to. That Leliana was already gone when she and Cassandra took you to Haven. It just took me until that argument to realize it."

Marnie put her forehead against Alistair's. "I feel sorry for Leliana."

"Whatever for?"

"Because you are a tremendously caring and trustworthy friend. One Leliana should have felt blessed to have."

"I bet you say that to all your husbands…oh wait…I'm your only husband!"

"Thank the Maker for that. I don't think I could handle having more than one at a time."

Alistair grinned, sat back and stroked his chin.

Marnie blushed. "Wait…that's not what I meant…well, it was, but it wasn't…that."

 **~oOOo~**

AN: Thank you to my awesome beta, ElyssaCousland!

I really hated how Mornay, was off-the hook (as you could tell).


	29. And Then Came Adamant

**And Then Came Adamant...**

 _ **24 Bloomingtide, 9:41 Dragon**_

 _Adamant was a nightmare._

 _Apparently for the Wardens "by any means necessary" included listening to a Venatori maleficar named Magister Livius Erimond and believing he was there to help! As the Old Gods were from Tevinter and worshiped by the Imperium, why would any of the 'Vints want to help the Grey Wardens kill them? Why couldn't they listen to Edwyn? Why did they believe it was the Calling? Why would Clarel even think that using demons and committing human sacrifice was a solution to anything?_

 _Fortunately, the Fereldan Wardens remained in Amaranthine and weren't caught up in this mutual delusion._

 _We went to Adamant to try to get Clarel to see reason or kill this Livius Erimond or both. Cullen took the army to Adamant ahead of us to lay siege, breach the fortress, and soften it up. When we arrived, they began to take down the main gate. Once breached, my team— Dorian, Edwyn, Blackwall, and Varric—went in to secure the lower bailey. Cullen said there were problems on the battlements and asked for my help in clearing out the siege points. I'm glad we went because at each siege point the wardens were summoning demons._

 _Thanks to Blackwall and Edwyn we got Clarel's attention. I will say this: once she'd realized what Erimond was really up to, she shocked his arse into next week, allowing Inquisition troops to take that maleficar into custody._

 _Unfortunately, at the same time, Corypheus's 'Archdemon,' (or as Varric calls it, a 'dragon with delusions of grandeur') swooped in, once again reinforcing Ali's notion that swooping is bad._

 _In this case, the dragon caught Clarel in its teeth, flew around and then spit her out. In her dying moment, in a display of the legendary Grey Warden toughness, she was able to stun the dragon before it tried to incinerate my commander and army. The only problem was when it fell, the dragon took out the battlement nearest to my team and me. We tried but couldn't outrun its cascading collapse. I had two choices: open a rift and take our chances in the Fade or become a large red stain._

 _I opened a rift, and we fell into the Fade._

 _That was really where the nightmare began. I cannot speak about it yet, but I will._

 _ **27 Bloomingtide, 9:41 Dragon**_

 _What happened in the Fade is so hard to write. It has taken me several days to get up the courage to do it._

 _The raw Fade is a foreboding mass of craggy rock, with jagged peaks and sharp outcroppings all intertwined with raw lyrium veins. The whole area is a sickly shade of green (like the anchor), and it is always nighttime._

 _We encountered the same spirit that helped me out of the Fade after the explosion. She was a glowing silhouette of a nubile young body wearing the Divine's headdress. Was she Andraste, the Divine Justinia, or something else entirely? I don't know. First, she said, I needed to get back my memories of what happened before the conclave exploded – which I did._

 _I'd say it was a mixed blessing, but it wasn't. There was no blessing about it._

 _Once I had gathered all the fragments of my memory (a very laborious process) the events projected into the Fade for all five of us to see. The Grey Warden mages had aided Corypheus in capturing the Divine and binding her to be the human sacrifice that would have powered that ancient darkspawn into the Fade. I alone, it seemed, had heard her calls for help. As soon as I opened the door, Corypheus dropped the orb and it rolled to me. I picked it up, transferring the anchor to me and not Corypheus._

 _After seeing my memories I was furious. Angry at the weakness of the Orlesian Warden mages. Angry at myself for letting Corypheus out in the first place. If I had just gone to Ferelden, perhaps those possessed Carta dwarves wouldn't have known where to find me._

 _The spirit led us to another rift that would take us back to Adamant, but we had been plagued the entire way by the voice of Corypheus whispering our worst nightmares. The spirit said it was a nightmare demon._

 _Unfortunately, the demon had been feasting on the collective horrifying dreams of all Thedosians – fed by the chaos caused by the Blight, Kirkwall, and the mage-templar war. It had become gargantuan, a being that was all eyes and tentacles. The spirit told me a personal m_ _essage to give to Leliana, then sacrificed herself to give us some room to maneuver. But it wasn't enough._

 _It became apparent that the only way of reaching the escape rift was by having someone distract the demon (who would kill them in the process)._

 _I had to choose who to sacrifice._

 _Edwyn argued that it should be him, because it was the Wardens' fault for the death of the Divine. I tried to explain that there had to be another way...but there wasn't time. I asked Edwyn to distract the demon. I quickly hugged him and told him I would be there for Morrigan._

 _Inside, my heart was breaking at losing the last of my blood relatives – at the same, filled with self-loathing for once again being the cause._

 _Edwyn started to move and said he would try to be right behind us. I know he wanted to give me hope in what was a hopeless situation. Making sure his sacrifice would not be in vain. I ran ahead to keep the rift open as we dove through._

 _We came out of the Fade and into the main bailey, and just before it snapped shut, Edwyn fell out of the rift. I grabbed him in a hug, but something was off. I looked around._

" _Where is Blackwall?"_

 _Edwyn was winded, but gasped, "He…stayed…to deal…with...the nightmare demon. Said I needed to rebuild the Wardens. When I didn't move, the bastard shield bashed me towards the rift saying that he would be damned to the Void if he was going to let you lose another member of your family."_

 _I was stunned. I didn't know what to feel, and I wasn't in a place where I could figure it out._

 **~oOOo~**

Marnie closed the journal. "All I could ever hope was that it was quick. I still fear that he wandered the Fade before he died."

Alistair put his arms around Marnie as she whispered, "It was such a shock to lose him."

Sleep eluded Marnie that night. While Ali softly snored, she sat near the fireplace. Memories of what happened after Edwyn told her about Blackwall…

… … … _. …. … … … … … … … .. .. .. …. … … … … .. … … ._

 _I was stunned about Blackwall, and facing the leaderless wardens; at the same time I was hearing a cacophony of voices all making demands - either ally, exile, or conscript. I needed everyone to shut up. "Hold!" My voice was loud, my hand in the air._

 _Everyone shut up and looked at me. "Yes, the Warden mages fell under the influence of Corypheus, but I will not exile the wardens. We need Grey Wardens. I will not leave Southern Thedas depending on Weisshaupt for aid when they did nothing during the fifth Blight!_

" _Let me be clear: I conscript no one to fight against Corypheus! The wardens will remain our allies!"_

 _The crowd of Wardens cheered._

" _Warden-Commander Edwyn Amell saw through Erimond's plans. He is a hero of the fifth Blight. Will you accept him as your Commander?"_

 _The roar was a resounding "Aye."_

" _Warden-Commander Amell, will you accept command?"_

 _Edwyn bowed then looked out at the Wardens. "Inquisitor, I would be honored to serve as Commander, and even more so to be their shield-brother!"_

 _The wardens were stomping and cheering their new Commander and once again I was holding my hand up, and getting their attention. "Warden-Commander, as you know Caer Bronach in Crestwood is under the protection of the Inquisition and is on the Ferelden border with Orlais. I will let it to the Wardens of Southern Thedas; pending approval of the Crown, it will be your permanent home."_

" _Yea or Nay? Brothers and sisters, do you accept the Inquisitor's offer?"_

" _Yea!"_

 _Edwyn saluting me whispered, "Would you like to address them?"_

 _Nodding and looking out over the remaining wardens, my heart guided my words. "I know your grief is great. Know that you don't grieve alone, that the Inquisition and I grieve with you. May Andraste's light warm your souls as you find the strength in each other to rebuild and renew! In War, Victory. In Peace, Vigilance. In Death, Sacrifice!"_

 _The only sound was the clatter of armor as every warden knelt before me. Shocked, I tried keeping the chagrin off my face. Edwyn whispered "You are amazing, Cuz."_

" _Please, please rise. Warden-Commander, safe journey."_

 _Edwyn looked at his wardens "Sisters and brothers, let's go home!"_

 _Dorian and Varric were going to tell Cullen and the Inquisition troops what had happened. With the last warden passing through the gate, I sank to my knees and began to cry. Crying for Justinia, for the wardens, and most of all for Blackwall, "You had a new life to live. You could go forward with your head held high, no longer feeling the crushing guilt. I am grateful to have Edwyn, but I should have found another way. I failed you."_

 _I looked at Dorian who I just noticed was crouched next to me and said, "I'm so sorry."_

" _Whatever for, my dear?"_

" _Blackwall stayed behind so I wouldn't lose Edwyn. He remained for my benefit, and now you have all lost a friend."_

" _I am going to say something dreadfully sentimental, so please listen well – I will only say it once. We would all give our lives for you. Yes, yes, I know you would, too, but seeing as you are the only one who can close these rifts, that is not an option. And none of us want your husband to become a widower. Blackwall made his own choices. Honor that. No apologies needed. Now do stand-up; I don't want grass stains on my knees..."_

… … … _. …. … … … … … … … .. .. .. …. … … … … .. … … ._

Alistair realized that Marnie was awake and sat down next to her. "Were you remembering what happened when you sent off the Wardens?"

Marnie nodded. "You know, it still feels…wrong, the way it happened. Blackwall should not have died at Adamant."

"Sweetheart, none of this should have happened. It just did."

 **~oOOo~**

AN: Huge thanks to ElyssaCousland, my beta, she makes this readable! To Melysande and to Mrsrockatansky - thank you for your reviews! All three of these authors have current must read fictions!

 **ElyssaCousland** : _There and Back Again_ **Current: chapter 134  
** Sierra is a modern-day business consultant who finds herself suddenly in her favourite video game, Dragon Age. Her actions will change the history of Thedas. But what is a modern-day girl with too much knowledge supposed to do in a world surrounded by magic and monsters? Will cover DA2 and DAI (AU!) also.(No descriptive sex - for NSFW version, see There and Back Again - Unedited) **for those who**

 **Melysande** :

 _I Shall Endure Book 2: In Plain Sight_ **(Complete and Book 3 in the works)** _  
_Escaping Howe's attack, Lys Cousland leaves Highever burning behind her to travel south to find Fergus. Disguised as Mel, a mercenary, she will need all her intelligence & strength to survive the coming year as she joins friends, old & new, to battle Blight, Civil War & continuing Orlesian threats. A canon divergent view of the Fifth Blight.

 _I Shall Endure Book 1: Brief Shining Moments_  
Ruled by King Maric Ferelden thrived after Rebellion's end, while Highever flourished under the Couslands. Melysande Cousland grew up in happy times, but after King Maric's disappearance, Ferelden changed. This canon divergent growing up story takes Lys to the brink of Blight and Civil war accompanied by my OC joining the canon crew

 **Mrsrockatansky** :

 _The Bloom After The Blight  
_ Sequel to The Lion And The Light. In a post-Blight Ferelden, Florence Cousland must come to terms with the loss of her magic, while Alistair Theirin needs to lead his crippled country towards recovery. Matters are complicated further by royal babies, foreign politics and the return of the Howes. The fisherman's daughter from Herring has a whole new set of challenges to face... _  
_

 _The Lion and the Light  
_ Florence Cousland, raised in obscurity ignorant of her heritage, was never meant to lead armies. As a healer with an unnaturally close relationship with the spirits; her sole desire was to escape the Circle and return to her beloved home, Herring. Fate, however, had other plans: a millennium after Andraste, another girl from a fishing village must unite an army and defend a nation.


	30. The Call Marnie Can't Ignore

**_The Call Marnie Can't Ignore_**

 _ **30 Bloomingtide, 9:41 Dragon**_

 _That first night as we traveled back from Adamant, I was sitting and staring at the fire when Cullen tapped me on the shoulder._

" _Inquisitor, a moment?"_

 _I stood and he motioned that I follow him. We stopped at the edge of the campsite and I looked at Cullen, expecting the somber countenance that typically followed when he called me Inquisitor instead of Marnie, but his expression was one of friendly concern. He looked into my eyes and said softly, "You did the right thing, both with the Wardens and with Blackwall. Know that and remember it."_

 _I gave him a weak smile, but nodded. "Thank you, Cullen. Coming from you that means a lot."_

 _He put a hand on my shoulder and gave it a friendly squeeze. "Aside from Alistair and Varric, I am the only one here who knows just how much you tend to blame yourself. You have no blame in this. You made your decisions as you make all your decisions, with thought and wisdom."_

 _ **2 Justinian, 9:41 Dragon**_

 _When we returned to Skyhold we held a memorial for Blackwall. We were going to use the tavern, but there were too many people wanting to attend. Somehow Josie cleared the great hall of the masked Orlesians that are always milling about. With all the ale we could drink, we settled in and got comfortably tipsy, then I spoke briefly. I asked everyone who felt comfortable in doing so to share their memories of Blackwall, so we could celebrate what he meant to us, his Inquisition family._

 _Many spoke of the deference he showed to all the women at Skyhold be they a servant or a noble, maid or matron. Parents mentioned how his calm voice quieted the crankiest child and the toys he made—the griffin rocking "horses" are treasured possessions._

 _Later, when we were deep into our cups, was when the more ribald stories were told. Varric told one that was very recent (soon after Blackwall's Joining). We had returned from the Hinterlands after killing a Ferelden Frostback (nasty damn dragon). It was Blackwall's first dragon kill with Bull in the group, so of course Bull made Blackwall drink the "traditional" post-dragon celebratory drink. I have no idea what's in it, I could only take a sip. Ali had tasted it once and said he would rather drink darkspawn blood._

 _Apparently, Bull underestimated just how high an alcohol tolerance wardens have, compounded by what I knew to be Blackwall's already abnormally high alcohol tolerance. As Varric recounted it, Blackwall drank Bull under the table…literally. Bull tried to stand and in the process, he passed out, sliding on to the floor under the table._

 _Blackwall proceeded to sit under the table next to Bull's prone body. He finished his drink then promptly passed out, too. People very wisely gave that table a wide berth._

 _Varric said it was about two hours later when Sera came in on the way to her room, that she saw the two passed out. For reasons only Sera knows, she crawled under the table and braided Blackwall's hair on to one of Bull's horns and then left the Tavern. Varric thought that was all she planned on doing. But alas, this is Sera we're talking about._

 _She returned with some of that "stinky cheese Golden Boy likes" and gently smeared it onto Bull's hand. Then she took out a feather and tickled his nose and Bull reflexively slapped at his face. Apparently, the smell of the cheese was strong enough to wake him up. Bellowing, he sat up quickly, pulling up Blackwall's head with him. While Blackwall was yelling about his hair, Bull passed out, dragging Blackwall back down. Blackwall tried to move, but passed back out, too. Varric left the tavern after that. In the morning, they were gone and no one saw either of them until that afternoon. Bull looked worse for wear, but Blackwall was his usual self._

 _We all laughed until our sides hurt. Bull looked at Ali and me. "Boss, tell me you don't let him kiss you after eating that shit?"_

 _I laughed and told Bull that I don't let him near me after he's eaten that particularly awful cheese._

 **~oOOo~**

"I really have no idea how you can eat that."

"It's easy: I spread it on bread, take a bite, chew, and swallow."

Marnie hit him with a pillow. "But the smell! It managed to wake Bull out of drunken stupor, even if only for a few moments."

"I keep telling you: it doesn't taste like it smells. The taste is actually rather delicate. You should really try it some time."

"I think I'd rather drink Bull's post-dragon grog."

 **~oOOo~**

 _ **4 Justinian**_

 _ **9:41**_

 _I don't know if I should be relieved or scared by how well Marnie and Morrigan get along. Not that Marnie is hard to get along with, but Morrigan? I was getting a book from the library and Morrigan and Marnie were in one of the nooks between the bookcases. They started to laugh and then stopped as soon as Marnie saw me. She didn't even look guilty at being caught. Then again, maybe they weren't laughing at me...Just wait until Marnie comes back to our quarters tonight, she'll tell me all about it…_

 _Yes, I'm grinning._

 _ **30 Justinian, 9:41 Dragon**_

 _Since we've returned from Adamant it has been nearly impossible to write. Being Inquisitor has become much more complicated as we closed in on_ _Corypheus or_ _ **C** (I see no need to keep spelling out his name)_ _. Couple that with being a wife and mother...there simply are not enough hours in a day._

 _Morrigan and I work well together, much to Ali's chagrin. I may have an advantage, and not just because she's in a relationship with my cousin (although, if their relationship is a permanent as it appears then Ali and I will be Morrigan's cousins-in-law). I also have an advantage because Ali and Leliana have told me much about their time with Morrigan. For example, I already know she's proud, doesn't like to trust, and has a distinct disdain for sentimentality (although Edwin has made in-roads on that)._

 _Morrigan has experience and knowledge I lack, and I am better at connecting the dots and thinking creatively, so we are a good team. According to Morrigan, I make better use of her contributions than Celene ever did. It's a little strange though—all those in my inner circle have become my friends. Even Vivienne and I are friends – not close friends, like Varric and Dorian, but friends nonetheless. I know Morrigan at least tolerates me, which is fine, but I doubt and I will ever be close, especially as Ali does not like her, at all._

 _Of course, there's Solas. I get along with him, but deep down I am disquieted. Tomorrow, I'm meeting with Morrigan and I am going to tell her all that I know about him. I want to know what she thinks. I've collected the various notes I made on Solas to write them here so they are in one place. I should probably burn the notes afterwards._

 _To tell Morrigan:  
_ _~ Solas knew how to use the mark.  
_ _~ Solas means "pride".  
_ _~ His necklace is the jawbone of a wolf.  
_ _~ Solas' knowledge of the Fade is unusually vast.  
_ _~ He knew the artifact (orb) was elven even before we knew what exactly the anchor was (In fact, he knows a surprising amount about ancient elven artifacts)_

 _He has an odd attitude towards elves: He thinks as poorly of all Thedosian Elves as the Dalish do of Alienage Elves._

 _Then there was that time just before we left for Adamant, I was looking for Cole and found him talking to Solas. As I approached, I couldn't help but overhear Cole saying something about Solas not doing something to be right but to save them. Naturally, I asked and Solas talked about errors made, and I remember this very clearly: "…by a much younger elf who was who was certain he knew everything." I told Cole to find me later so we could talk. As I walked away I heard Cole say, "You weren't wrong, though." Clearly, Solas was the younger elf in that set up._

 _I trust Solas as far as defeating **C** and to that end I do trust him with my life. For now._

 _ **1 Solace, 9:41 Dragon**_

 _Morrigan and I talked for a long time yesterday about Solas. She is just as suspicious of him as I am. Morrigan believes he is a far more powerful mage than he lets on. She said he "felt" a lot like her mother. That is not a comforting thought._

 _We both decided to let Cullen and Leliana know about our suspicions, but no one else, which is hard because I tell Ali everything. Right now, however, the fewer people who know, the less likely it is Solas will suspect my distrust. Morrigan agrees that he genuinely wants C dead, so we can put our "trust" in him, for now. If that changes I will not hesitate to tell everyone and hang the consequences. That is why I am not telling Cass, because when my party includes Cass it usually includes Solas. I made the mistake of taking Cass and Dorian once...I was ready to kill them both by the second night._

 _Figuring the right teams for the various treks across Orlais and Ferelden was initially trial and error (like Cass and Dorian). Sometimes the choices were easy: I don't take Varric and Cass, and I never take Cole and Vivienne._

 _Now that Blackwall is not here (Maker, that is still so hard to write, much less think about him being dead), deciding who to include in my group is a bit more complicated. Basically, depending on what we're doing, I like to have magic, ranged attacks, and sometimes the kind of close-quarters stealth fighting that Cole does so well. Sometimes, I can handle being the only fighter, but for me to use the Mark I prefer having another fighter along who can take over. That now leaves Cassandra and Bull._

 _So, if I take Dorian, I need to take Bull. If I take Cassandra, I cannot include Varric. I can take Solas or Vivienne, and Sera, but not Cole if I include Vivienne. If I don't include Vivienne, I can take Cole, but I still cannot include Varric. If I include Varric, I cannot take Cassandra._

 _If I need both Bull and Cass, then I include Sera to avoid taking Varric, and have to exclude Vivienne in order to include Cole._

 _Maker take me, it shouldn't be that complicated!_

 _I guess if I were a better commander, I would just tell them to put up and shut up, so I can make the tactical decisions I need and not care about whose nose will get out of joint._

 _Sigh._

 _ **1 August, 9:41 Dragon**_

 _ **C**_ _is searching elven ruins in the Arbor Wilds. That makes sense given the orb is elven. We need to intercept him before he finds whatever it is he is looking for. In order to do that we also must defeat Samson, as he will be with_ _ **C**_ _. Thankfully, Dagna created a rune for me to use, which is supposed to neutralize Samson's armor. That will be a big help._

 _I know this is going to be a difficult trip because Corypheus is there. Our army and Celene's Army will be joining forces to fight him and try to defeat him. I cannot say why, but I know this will not be our final run-in with the bastard._

 _ **20 August, 9:41 Dragon**_

 _The Arbor Wilds was successful in one sense and terrifying in others. The successful part was stopping_ _ **C**_ _from capturing the Eluvian hidden in a temple of Mythal. That was really the only good thing to come out of that trip._

 _We took casualties, though not as many as we could have it we hadn't taken out Samson; still Cullen is given me the names of those we lost and I will write personal letters to their families. I worked it out with Cullen, Leliana, Cass, and Josie early on that if any of our army is killed, their family will receive their pay for as long as we are able to provide it._

 _Now for the terrifying things. Morrigan and I are now convinced that Solas is somehow involved with Fen'Harel. He knew way too much about the Sentinel elves we encountered at the Temple, and about ancient elven history. We found the Well of Sorrows, the Vir Abelasan, in Mythal's Temple. It contains the memories of all who served Mythal and whomever drinks from the well becomes bound to the will of Mythal. Solas refused to help us; Morrigan said she should be the one to drink. I agreed, first because she had the knowledge to make use of what she'd learn and second, I didn't want to be bound to anyone._

 _Morrigan learned that Mythal was part of the Evanuris, who were not Creators but generals who became greedy, and played at being gods, enslaving their people. Apparently, Mythal was murdered by her fellow Evanuris. Sounds like Tevinter._

 _Shortly after we returned to Skyhold via the Eluvian, we encountered Morrigan's mother Flemeth, who is really Mythal. It is too bizarre to recount, but I will never forget it._

 _ **23 August, 9:41 Dragon**_

 _I feel like a piece of fabric that has been stretched for too long across something too wide. It will never return to its original shape and will never be as strong._

 _We are about to have our final confrontation with Corypheus. He has reopened the breach in the crater that was the temple of sacred ashes. He's come calling and I have to answer. The army isn't yet back from the Arbor Wilds, Cullen wanted me to wait, but we both know that there isn't enough time. We are leaving just after lunch._

 _With Morrigan able to take on the Corypheus' dragon, I am confident we'll succeed; it's my survival that I seriously doubt. The doubt has inhabited a small dark part of my mind since I received this mark. I have written letters for Cricket, Walter, and Siobhan. They are in my desk, and both Alistair and Cullen know where they are. They are the only two I trust to get the letters to my children. My letter for Lily is tucked into this journal. Below is my last letter, and the one that is hardest to write._

 _... ... .. .. .. .. ..._

 _To my dearest love,_

 _If you are reading this then I did not survive the final battle. I can only hope that I took the bastard down with me._

 _I don't know how long it has taken for you to find this, much less when you will read it._

 _First, last, and always, your love has been a precious gift I have felt exceedingly blessed to have been given._

 _I remember when I met you in Lothering. You were the most handsome man I had ever seen (and you still are). I was so tongue-tied I could barely utter complete sentence. Then after spending the afternoon in your company I knew you were someone special. During the Blight, I couldn't get you out of my mind, much less my heart. When I was in Varric's suite and he wanted to 'introduce me to someone,' I said I didn't want to meet someone new. When I heard you say, "Then how about someone you've already met?" I thought I was dreaming. You said, "You're not dreaming. Hello Marnie." The pure joy I felt then never left._

 _I know you're hurting right now. If the situation was reversed, I know I would feel like my heart had been ripped out of my chest and life held no more meaning. But your life does have meaning – Lily, Cricket, Siobhan, and Walter give it meaning, and you have meaning for them. Live for yourself, and live for them. Lily especially. She is too young to lose one parent, don't make it two._

 _I know that you may not think so now, but you will love again. No, it won't be the same, but you have too much love in your heart not to share it with another. Please, don't let your memories of me prevent from loving again._

 _I give you all my love, now and forever._

 _Marnie._

 ** _~oOOo~_**


	31. The Final Battle

_**The Final Battle**_

 _From the end of the last chapter…_

 _To my dearest love,_

 _If you are reading this then I did not survive the final battle. I can only hope that I took the bastard down with me._

 _I don't know how long it has taken for you to find this, much less when you will read it._

 _First, last, and always, your love has been a precious gift I have felt exceedingly blessed to have been given._

 _I remember when I met you in Lothering. You were the most handsome man I had ever seen (and you still are). I was so tongue-tied I could barely utter complete sentence. Then after spending the afternoon in your company I knew you were someone special. During the Blight, I couldn't get you out of my mind, much less my heart. When I was in Varric's suite and he wanted to 'introduce me to someone,' I said I didn't want to meet someone new. When I heard you say, "Then how about someone you've already met?" I thought I was dreaming. You said, "You're not dreaming. Hello Marnie." The pure joy I felt then never left._

 _I know you're hurting right now. If the situation was reversed, I know I would feel like my heart had been ripped out of my chest and life held no more meaning. But your life does have meaning – Lily, Cricket, Siobhan, and Walter give it meaning, and you have meaning for them. Live for yourself, and live for them – Lily especially. She is too young to lose one parent; don't make it two._

 _Please, don't let your memories of me prevent you from loving again. No, it won't be the same, but you have too much love in your heart not to share it with another._

 _I give you all my love, now and forever._

 _Marnie._

 **~oOOo~**

Alistair wrapped his arms around Marnie, pulling her close, and whispered, "I never knew you wrote that."

Marnie looked into his eyes, her lips close to his. "I meant every word, and I still do." She closed the short distance and kissed him.

The following evening, Alistair looked into the box. "We're nearing the end of these. Shall we continue?"

Marnie got comfortable on the sofa, "Of course."

 **~oOOo~**

 _ **21 August,  
**_ _ **9:41**_

 _Marnie told me about the Arbor Wilds expedition. Apparently, Morrigan drank from something called the Well of Sorrows, vir'abelasan and now possesses the knowledge and wisdom of all who have served Mythal and as a result is now bound to Mythal's will._

 _The thing is— Mythal is Flemeth or at least is inhabiting Flemeth's body. Thinking back to the Blight, we killed her so she wouldn't possess Morrigan. The irony that Morrigan is now bound to her mother's will is…well…creepy._

 _But, someone (who was not Corypheus) had to drink from this well and I'm glad it wasn't Marnie. I'm sure Morrigan will use the knowledge wisely. She is a smart, determined, and very clever mage._

 _Yes, I have said something nice about Morrigan. Note the date: 21 August 9:41 Dragon._

 _Anyway._

 _As a bonus, the Inquisition captured that red-eyed bastard Samson, leaving Corypheus without his general. Cullen is now Samson's…handler, for want of a better word._

 _ **23 August  
**_ _ **9:41**_

 _Corypheus ripped open the fucking breach, again!_

 _Marnie left this afternoon for the valley of Haven, or rather the crater that was Haven, to fight him._

 _Corypheus knows that the army hasn't returned from the Wilds, so that bloody ancient rotter threw down the gauntlet, forcing Marnie to confront him with only the help of her inner circle. This was not how Leliana, Cullen, I, or Marnie had ever envisioned the final confrontation!_

 _What good is raising an army if they can't be there to help her fight the villain?_

 _I know, I know, the army was critical in getting the Marnie to this point. I just feel so damned helpless!_

 _Anyway._

 _Marnie left directly from our quarters. Siobhan, Cricket and I were a bit numb. Lily, however, said with all the confidence she could muster, "Uncle Doree and Uncle Varwick will help Mommy make that icky Coweeypee to go 'way!"_

 _We had to smile at that. About two months ago Sera had convinced Lily to call him Cory-pee, but r's can sometimes trip up my little one – so it comes out as Coweeypee._

 _ **23 August  
**_ _ **9:41**_

 _I know, I already wrote in you earlier, but I need to write again, and waiting for tomorrow just seems weird. Actually, writing like I am talking to you is beyond weird, but I think you and I are used to it by now._

 _Anyway._

 _Lily is with my mother. Cricket is working in his plant-laboratory. Siobhan is helping Cullen by doing my paperwork._

 _Where am I? Hiding in our quarters. All I can think about is Marnie, and all I can feel is fear._

 _Maker, I hope you appreciate how much Marnie—as the Herald of_ _your_ _Bride—has inspired people. Please do me a favor and keep_ _my_ _bride safe._

 _Please?_

 **~oOOo~**

Marnie looked up from the journal. "Fighting Corypheus was a surreal experience. I can't imagine what it must have looked like from Skyhold."

"We saw the breach close and then we saw the Black City crumble and fall from the sky. Neither Cullen nor I had any idea of what was going on. Cullen was a rock though, which was good because I was a wreck."

 **~oOOo~**

 _ **25 August  
**_ _ **9:41**_

 _Cullen and Siobhan found me staring at the fireplace while Lily was in her room taking her afternoon nap._

 _Siobhan grabbed my shoulder. "Dad! You need to go to the battlements with Cullen. Something's happening at Haven! I'll stay with Lily. Go!"_

 _Jogging through Skyhold, Cullen and I went to the southern-facing battlements where we could see the ridge that formed the valley of Haven – and the Black City seemingly come to life: a colossal island of black rock floating in the sky._

 _Somewhere on it Marnie was fighting Corypheus._

 _We saw Corypheus' pet dragon land on one of the "city" walls. Then another dragon – it had to be Morrigan – tackled it and they began to grapple with each other._

 _I have never been happier to see Morrigan._

 _Bursts of spell light reflected on the stone helped us follow where Marnie was battling with Corypheus. I recognized the purple haze of Dorian's necromantic spells and Solas' green-tinged fade magic. The red flashes were Corypheus._

 _After what felt like forever, the spell light vanished. Then Morrigan's dragon flew up towards the breach, turned and made steep dive. She was aiming at the other dragon, and crashed into it._

 _They both fell below the ridgeline._

 _The spell lights flared again, but it was only Dorian and Solas. Corypheus' red light was absent._

 _Cullen had just asked, "Perhaps they were fighting the dragon?" When something red streaked over the walls and disappeared._

 _That couldn't be good._

 _That was when the Breach began to expand. Cullen put his hand on my shoulder and squeezed it tight; we both started reciting Trials._

 _We were halfway through when a beam of green light—the same color as the Anchor—shot up into the breach and sealed it. All that was left was a small green scar._

 _Cullen's and my cheering abruptly ended as the Black City broke apart and fell from the sky. When it dipped below the ridgeline there was nothing but darkness._

 _Marnie didn't have time to take ravens, so I suggested that I take a small detachment of inquisition soldiers, and a healer, and ride out to Haven. We could assist if needed and escort them home safely._

 _Cullen shook his head. "We know the breach is sealed, but we don't know about the dragon, nor do we know if that ancient bastard is actually dead. You know we can't send our troops with so little information. I will have Leliana send scouts. They can get to the Inquisitor faster and send a raven."_

 _I knew he was right, and I hated it._

 _He put his hands on my shoulders and looked me in the eye. "Please, listen to me. I know you're worried, I know you're scared, but you to have faith, Alistair. If not in the Maker, then in Marnie. She's come this far. She will come through that gate. We just have to hang on."_

 _I'm hanging on, but barely._

 _ **26 August, 9:41 Dragon**_

 _As I sit here in my tent, all I can hear is snoring. It makes it difficult to sleep. So, I will take the time to write this down before the memories fade._

 _When I closed the breach, the Orb fell to the ground and broke in two, but I still had the bloody anchor. Then Solas appeared. He dropped to his knees beside broken orb. He picked up the pieces and looked absolutely bereft. I know he gets emotional about ancient elven artifacts, but this was different. I said his name, but he could only gasp "The Orb!"_

 _I not-so-gently reminded him that the important part was that Corypheus was dead and the Breach was sealed._

 _Standing up, he said, "So much has been lost." Then he looked at me. "It was not supposed to happen this way." Before I could even question him, he continued, "No matter what comes I want you to know you shall always have my respect."_

 _At that moment, Cassandra called to see if I was alive. I turned to let everyone know I was ok. When I turned back, Solas was gone._

 _I need to speak with Morrigan about Solas, and it is time to bring in my advisors._

 _Morrigan has my eternal gratitude – her dragon really made the difference._

 _If we had to cope with both Corypheus and the Dragon…well…it's not something I want to think about._

 _ **28 August,  
**_ _ **9:41**_

 _Marnie is back!_

 _Yesterday, we got a Raven from the scouts saying that Corypheus was dead and the Inquisitor and her inner circle were returning to Skyhold._

 _Today, I heard the clarion call reserved for the Inquisitor's safe return, and I ran to the gate. There was already a crowd waiting to welcome her back._

 _I feared I would have to push people aside. Thankfully, when they saw me everyone made way so I could be in front. Standing there I saw Marnie calmly walking across bridge but when she saw me she started to run, and I ran out to meet her. She threw herself into my arms and I held on as tightly as I could._

 _She whispered into my shoulder, "Home, we can finally go home."_

 _AN: Thanks to ElyssaCousland for her beta skills! The next chapter will be a bit of an extravaganza!_


	32. The Theirin Family Extravaganza

_**The Theirin Family Extravaganza**_

 _ **30 August, 9:41 Dragon**_

 _My body really isn't sure whether it should be asleep or awake. Dawn isn't for at least another candle. Maybe writing will tire me._

 _The threat from Corypheus is well and truly over and I'm ecstatic at the sight joyful smiling faces everywhere I turn._

 _I also feel a sense of retribution: I brought that loathsome bastard back into this world and I'm the one who took him out of it._

 _When I returned from Haven, though, I practically collapsed into Alistair's arms. I was able to pull myself together well enough to stand before all assembled and thank everyone for making our victory possible, and I declared that the following couple of days would be rest days. At that point, Josie took over and announced that the "official" celebratory feast would be in two days (which is tonight)._

 _While the unofficial celebrating already started, all I wanted to do was hug my children, sing my baby girl to sleep, curl up next to my husband, and sleep until the next age._

 _Yesterday, I woke up early afternoon. Ali wasn't in our quarters, but he left a note telling me that all was well, Lily was with Fiona, and Cricket was busily planting seeds for some of his experiments. Ali also warned me to avoid Josie lest I get roped into some "official noble hobnobbing."_

 _After I dressed I had a bite to eat and went to the library to visit with Dorian. As we always did before celebrations, we gossiped about the arriving nobility. Dorian had a full-head of steam about the delegation from Tantervale: "They are wearing the most atrocious combination of orange and brown, and their Viscount looks like he's been constipated for 10 years!"_

 _I was laughing at this last remark, when I saw Siobhan enter the library; she was clearly looking for me because when she found me she practically marched over to us, looking exasperated._

 _I asked her what was wrong and she told me that Cullen was still working – and that so was her dad._

" _Mom, I reminded them that you had called for a rest day, but Cullen said that 'there were some things that couldn't wait.' Then Dad looked at me, pointed to Cullen and said, 'What he said.'"_

 _I have to admit her imitation of both Cullen's and Ali's voices was spot on. Dorian and I both chuckled._

 _I wasn't sure why Siobhan was irritated, but I admit was irked. I had called for a rest day and Ali hadn't said in his note that he was working! I told her to follow me and we headed to their office. I opened the door rather imperiously, knowing that Cullen and Alistair would stand up as they always did when I entered their office. I was always a bit uncomfortable with it, but this time I took advantage of it._

 _Saying nothing, I proceeded to take every piece of parchment off Cullen's desk and handed the sheaf to Siobhan. I then did the same thing to Ali's desk. Amidst their protests I motioned to Siobhan to go out the door. Following her, I turned towards the men. "Commander Rutherford, Lieutenant-Commander Theirin, when I said that today was a rest day it was_ _not_ _a suggestion." I closed the door rather firmly, and sent a grinning Siobhan to Dorian, who I was quite sure would be willing to hide paperwork. I stayed behind waiting to see which one drew the short straw to come outside try to change my mind._

 _It was Cullen._

 _I only let him get to "Inquisitor–" before I held up my hand and said, "At ease, Commander." While he stood waiting, I asked, "Will anyone be physically, emotionally, or financially harmed, or would any of our soldiers be inconvenienced or neglected if the work was left for a day or two?"_

 _Cullen thought about it and then very slowly shook his head. "No, Inquisitor."_

" _Then my order stands, Commander. Take today and tomorrow off." He nodded. Before he could turn away, I put my hands on his shoulders. He knew that now I was being Marnie and not his boss. "Please Cullen, you and Ali need to take time for yourselves, time to breathe."_

 _He smirked a bit and nodded and then he turned his head to look out over the stables. I smiled. "Yes, even Dennet has taken a rest day."_

 _After that small bit of excitement, I went back to bed and slept for most of the rest of the day, which is undoubtedly why I woke up before dawn. But now I'm getting drowsy and am going back to sleep._

 _ **1 Kingsway  
**_ _ **9:41**_

 _The celebration was grand. Formal, but no Inquisition uniforms. Marnie wore a dress that Josie had apparently been hiding somewhere waiting for just this occasion. It was a lazurite-colored floor-length gown that made her pale skin look like porcelain and showed off her beautiful shoulders. The belt was a corset of dark blue suede— soft to the touch._

 _She looked regal, strong, and absolutely gorgeous! I was glad I wore my "Prince Alistair" garb or I would have looked a stable hand next to her._

 _Anyway._

 _Josie and I surprised Marnie by having Walter come to Skyhold with Teagan and Kaitlyn to attend the celebration! We did a good job of keeping it a secret – I didn't even tell you!_

 _And that wasn't the only surprise: Teagan is knighting Walter here at Skyhold in two days. Neither Marnie nor Walter have any idea! I love surprises!_

 _Well, not all surprises. But I'll get to that later._

 _For the early part of the evening, Lily was there with my mother. My little girl was entranced by the dancing. At one point, she climbed off her chair, came to me and said, "Daddy, dance?"_

 _I moved to pick her up, but she shook her head and held out her arms. I nearly had to bend in half but I wasn't going to miss a chance to dance with my Lily-Pad._

 _After a few minutes, someone tapped my arm and said, "May I?" I was so stunned that someone was cutting in to dance with my three-year-old daughter that I didn't recognize Varric's voice. It was Lily who said, "Uncle Varwick wants to dance, too!" I let Varric cut in. Their height difference was similar to me and Marnie and Lily looked ridiculously happy. Varric is a good uncle._

 _It was past Lily's bedtime when Mother gathered her up. She whispered to Lily, who then called out, "G'night every one!" There was a rather loud chorus of "Good night, Lily!"_

 _After dinner, I danced with Marnie as many times as I could, given that she still had to do the Inquisitor thing and dance with the other nobility…not something Marnie enjoyed. She did get to dance with Teagan, and with Walter, who is now a head taller than his mother._

 _Late in the evening things started winding down. The music became softer, the lights were lowered, and the couples took to the floor. I looked at Marnie and asked, "Shall we go to bed?" She recognized the old code and grinned. "Yes."_

 _When we got to the top of the stairs, an idea came to me. I told Marnie that while she got ready for bed, I was going to go back downstairs and snag some of those big Gwaren strawberries. Then I whispered in her ear, "I know how much you love the taste… and you know how much love the taste of them on you." I left a scarlet faced wife as I happily jogged back down the stairs._

 _Remember when I wrote earlier that I didn't like all surprises? Now I will explain._

 _I took my time selecting the strawberries and then I went to the kitchen to put them in a bowl. When I got back upstairs I saw Cullen dancing…with Siobhan! She said something, Cullen laughed, and neither of them looked at all awkward!_

 _I ran back upstairs to tell Marnie, but when I got there she was clad in a somewhat revealing pale blue night gown. Between the night gown, her smile, and the scent of the strawberries, my thoughts turned to Marnie and all my blood headed south. Needless to say, I didn't say anything about Siobhan and Cullen._

 _I'm planning on telling her about it when she wakes up._

 **~oOOo~**

Marnie was laughing. "I remember when you told me. I think I had just opened my eyes when you said, 'Cullen and Siobhan were dancing!"'

"I wondered why you seemed so nonchalant about it, until you sat up and asked, "With who?"'…

…..…..…..…..…..…..…..…..…..…..…..…..…..…..…..…..…..…..…..…..

" _With each other! As a couple, dancing, you know—slow music, standing close. They looked comfortable…Cullen even laughed without blushing!"_

 _Marnie looked pensive. "That would explain a few things."_

" _Cullen's only a year younger than me!"_

" _Dear one. Yes, Cullen is a year younger than you and five years younger than me. Remember, we aren't old enough to be her birth parents: I would have had to get pregnant when I was 14 and you were 10!"_

" _But she's only just turned 20!_

"And _Cullen is only 10 years older than Siobhan. Love, given what her life was like before we became a family, can you honestly see her with a someone her own age?"_

 _Alistair rubbed the back of his neck. "I'm fighting a losing battle, aren't I?"_

" _If they're serious, can you think of a better man for Siobhan to share her life with?"_

" _He would be my son-in-law!"_

" _He would still be one of your closest friends."_

" _That's true…Wait! I work in the same place he sleeps, what if…she….and he…"_

 _Marnie chuckled. "Cullen is an honorable man. I'm willing to bet that their relationship isn't physically intimate. Cullen hasn't asked for permission to court her and if I know them, they've been waiting until we'd beaten Corypheus. In fact, I expect that within the next few days Cullen will ask to speak us."_

…..…..…..…..…..…..…..…..…..…..…..…..…..…..…..…..

"My prediction was very good. It was three days later when Cullen asked us for permission to court Siobhan."

"Yes, and it was three days later when I started working at the desk in our quarters."

"I suppose it _would_ have been rather awkward for you to get to the office and see Siobhan coming down the ladder."

Alistair paled at the thought…then he sighed. "I'm going to have to go through this with Lily, too, aren't I."

Marnie kissed the tip of his nose. "I doubt she'll want to marry someone 30 years her senior, so I think you'll survive."

 **~oOOo~**

 _ **3 Kingsway  
**_ _ **9:41**_

 _This evening before dinner, Cullen asked to speak with Marnie and me in private. We said he should come up to our quarters about two candles after dinner (Lily would be asleep). It was the most private spot in Skyhold._

 _Marnie and I knew he was going to ask permission to court Siobhan, but I was adamant that we pretend like we didn't know a thing._

 _Yes, I know what you are going to say: "looking clueless is my specialty." You know what, journal, I am Lieutenant-Commander of the Inquisition –feigned ignorance is no longer an easy option._

 _So there!_

 _Well…that felt surprisingly good._

 _Anyway._

 _We waited for Cullen to start the conversation._

 _He was nervous, but not afraid. Knowing him as both a Commander and a good friend, I understood the difference: Cullen's nerves in personal matters are a part of his deeply humble. somewhat self-denigrating nature. There is no artifice in the man, no haughtiness, no guile, no pretension. In fact, it was at that very moment that I realized Marnie was right — I cannot think if anyone better for my daughter to share her life with._

 _Cullen stood before us and said, "I humbly ask permission to court your daughter Siobhan."_

 _For the record, it was Marnie who asked, "I know that the two of you have grown close over the last year. Are you going to court her, or are you really asking for her hand in marriage?"_

 _Cullen smiled; it was clear in his eyes how he felt about Siobhan, "I...ah…a bit of both, actually."_

 _I asked if Siobhan felt the same way. Cullen nodded._

 _I looked at Marnie; she smiled. I turned to Cullen. "Then you have our permission to do a bit of courting and to marry our daughter."_

 _I don't believe I have ever seen Cullen look as happy as he was when he left our quarters._

 _ **4 Kingsway  
**_ _ **9:41**_

 _Busy day, I'll write more tomorrow. But I had to let you know. Siobhan came to us after breakfast, hugged us both and said that other than when she became our daughter, she has never been as happy as she is with Cullen in her life._

 _ **5 Kingsway  
**_ _ **9:41**_

 _Today, as part of what I will forever refer to as the "Week-long Theirin Family Extravaganza," Walter was knighted._

 _I'm not kidding about it being a week-long: it has been 7 days since Marnie returned to Skyhold after defeating Corypheus. During that time, we celebrated victory (thanks to Marnie's courage wielding the anchor). Walter surprised Marnie by arriving with Teagan at Skyhold. Cullen asked to court and marry Siobhan, and now my eldest son is being knighted._

 _See what I mean?_

 _It was always Teagan's and my desire to surprise Walter and Marnie by have the knighting at Skyhold, once Corypheus was dealt with of course! We even consulted with Josie who simply incorporated the knighting into her plans for the post final battle celebrations. Everything was ready to go as soon as Marnie, herself, declared victory._

 _Walter looked gobsmacked, incredibly happy, and very humbled. Marnie was beaming. Of course, Siobhan and Cricket were happy to be able to see his knighting. Lily was just happy to have Walter at Skyhold and attached herself to him, like a limpet._

 _As is traditional in Ferelden, Walter sat vigil the night prior. He used the small chapel off of the courtyard. The knighting ceremony was held after breakfast, and tonight was a (albeit smaller) feast. In attendance were all of Redcliffe's Knights including Bann Perth of Rainesfere as he had also been a Knight of Redcliffe._

 _I am so proud of my son, there are tears in my eyes – Happy ones, very happy!_

 _Marnie is reading this over my shoulder. She said she is just going to write in her journal:_

" _What Ali wrote."_

 **~oOOo~**

Alistair looked at Marnie. "When all is said and done, it was a pretty big month for our family given we also celebrated our 10the year anniversary."

Marnie nodded. "It was good to have all of that happiness in the bank given the lack of solace I got from Solas."

"Ah my love, those entries will have to wait; I have other plans." Alistair said as he pulled Marnie to her feet.

Marnie arched an eyebrow. "Other plans?"

"Yes, they involve you and me...and a box of strawberries."

Marnie blushed. 


	33. Then and Now

_**Then and Now**_

 _ **9 Kingsway, 9:41 Dragon**_

 _The hangovers have healed and everyone has gone home. I had no excuse to hold off any longer. I needed to take-on the problem I've been avoiding since Corypheus died._

 _Solas._

 _I needed to talk with Cole because he knows who it was that Solas saved and why Solas thought it was wrong, and if that is at all related to the damned Orb!_

 _Over the time I have known Cole, we have developed an easy rapport, far more so than many of my inner circle or my advisors, save Cullen and Ali. Perhaps it's because I was raised by a mage, and had a sister who was a mage. or perhaps because Cullen, Ali and I know what a real abomination is like._

 _I'm glad Solas and I worked with Cole to forgive that Templar. Now he is more spirit than human, but he is more at peace. Even Varric reluctantly agrees, although he favored Cole confronting the Templar with a loaded Bianca. That may have been one of the few true arguments I have ever had with Varric._

 _There are times when I just visit with Cole and will talk with him at the Tavern, however when I want to talk with him about sensitive issues we meet at an out of the way section of the battlements._

 _As I waited for Cole, I tried to sort out my thoughts but it was very difficult. I felt like I was in the middle of an emotional maelstrom. After the trip to the Arbor Wilds, so much had happened, good and bad, in such a short span of time...For some reason, I suddenly remembered my conversation with Solas when we found Skyhold. I had asked him how he knew about this fortress and where to find it._

 _Solas has said, "Any fortress that has seen enough battle shines like a beacon for spirits drawn to death and struggle. The whispers of old memories carry thousands of such names on their breath, it could belong to another keep, seems an auspicious one, the words reached my dreaming mind."_

" _Was Skyhold the name they whispered, or did they whisper an elven name?"_

" _The name that came to me was Tarasyl'an Te'las the place where the sky was held back. Sky Hold."_

 _At the time, I was so grateful that he'd led us here I never questioned what he'd said, and I had no reason to suspect Solas of dissembling. However, as I got to know Solas, I realized that a self-taught hedge-mage would never have the kind of depth and breadth of knowledge about the Fade and ancient Elven artifacts as he did._

 _Later, Morrigan confirmed my suspicions and said the Solas was more than he seemed, that his magic felt similar to her mother's, and that his power was mostly masked. After our trip to the Arbor Wilds I learned of Flemeth, Mythal, and the Evanuris. If Solas' magic felt similar to Flemeth's and Flemeth was Mythal, then Solas' magic felt similar to Mythal._

 _Suddenly, like a warm breeze, I felt Cole's presence. He sat on the ground next to me._

" _Solas worries you."_

" _He does. I know he's far more powerful than he let on and I worry about what he's hiding. What did he do that that was supposed to save not to prove he was right?"_

" _He destroyed his world because the One Who Cared was killed by the One's Who Didn't. He grieves that loss deeply."_

" _You mean Mythal being killed by the Evanuris? Solas destroyed his world to save his people from the other Evanuris."_

" _Yes. Solas created that which holds the sky back."_

 _I was stunned. "He created Skyhold? I mapped all the areas we found artifacts— the Western approach and such—they all strengthen the veil and they are all connected to Skyhold and to each other. Did he create the veil?" I knew the Evanuris were powerful mages. "Was that what he did to save his people?"_

" _Yes."_

" _But that was so long ago; why now?"_

" _He woke from the endless dream and the world changed; more was lost than he realized."_

" _I remembered Solas saying 'So much has been lost.' Was the Orb supposed to help him get his world back?"_

" _Yes. But his world and your world cannot both be."_

 _I thought about that, and I felt faint...I understood; our worlds cannot exist together, it is either one or the other. "Thank you for your help, Cole"_

" _You thank me, but I made you hurt."_

" _No, you showed me the truth. The truth is what hurts, and the truth is what Solas hides. You aren't responsible for what Solas does."_

" _Commander Cullen…Siobhan keeps him from the darkness. He hurts less and smiles more. His dreams pain him less. His presence make Siobhan feel whole. They are like you and Prince Alistair…mates of the soul."_

 _I smiled at that. "Cole, thank you for all you do and have done."_

" _Inquisitor?"_

" _Yes, Cole?"_

" _Compassion is where ever you are, because you are there."_

 **~oOOo~**

"We haven't seen Cole in a while, I hope he is alright."

Marnie smiled. "He is. He's a Spirit of Compassion, he needs to be where compassion is needed."

Alistair lifted Marnie's chin and looked in to her eyes. "It isn't that we don't _need_ compassion, my love. It's that we already have compassion, because you are _here_."

 **~oOOo~**

 _ **11 Kingsway, 9:41 Dragon**_

 _After my meeting with Cole, I called a meeting with all my advisors, as well as Bull. I told them everything Solas said about Skyhold, and what Cole told me._

 _I told them that many legends have a small grain of truth. "Fen'Harel is known as the trickster god. He fooled us. Who else has he fooled? Who will he need to fool, if he wants to screw with the Veil and he can't use the Orb? Who would he use as he used us?"_

 _Cullen surmised that Solas would need to develop a Plan B, but to do so he must need information that he didn't have when the Orb was destroyed._

 _Leliana believed that he would need some kind of spy network. Bull agreed and mentioned that that if Solas needed spies, he wasn't going to find many humans "to do his bidding."_

 _Alistair said, "He'll need elves as agents, and access to knowledge of the Fade. If he can get elven spies into Tevinter he could get both."_

 _That's when Morrigan suggested, "seeding the garden" with a rumor, a warning of some kind that because of the Breach, the Dread wolf is awake and roams Thedas. She believes that if Solas tries to hire elves to do his bidding, he might find them more suspicious of what he offers._

 _Morrigan, Bull, and Leliana agreed to meet and discuss ways to spread that rumor. I don't want to be involved in that. I have to deal with the remaining rifts in Thedas._

 _ **15 Kingsway  
**_ _ **9:41**_

 _Today, Marnie and I have been married for 10 years. So why am I writing in you? Well I'm waiting for Marnie._

 _But I'm getting ahead of myself…or really getting ahead of you…_

 _Anyway._

 _Cullen and I decided that the rubble of that one battlement wall and stairs needed to be repaired. It had been put off, but it was beyond ridiculous that it had never been tended to._

 _The work had been done a month or two ago, but remains cordoned-off by "Order of the Commander." Skyhold is continuously under repair and if Cullen says something is off-limits, it's off-limits. However, in this case he is doing it to give me a chance to restore the now accessible tower room. Fortunately, the room wasn't as dilapidated as Cullen and I first feared._

 _Why am I restoring the room and what does it have to do with our Anniversary? Well, there is no town close to Skyhold, so unless we want to camp in Frostbacks, leaving Skyhold to celebrate our anniversary isn't practical._

 _Our quarters are private, but I'd rather be somewhere secluded– hence the renovation of the tower room. I've stocked it with firewood, food, drinks, and a large bath-tub. I have brought in enough water for two full baths (that took a lot of doing). Fresh bedding, a cozy bed, and a plush rug by the hearth._

 _The story is that we are spending our anniversary sequestered in our quarters. Leliana, Cullen, Siobhan, and my mum are the only ones who know where we really will be, and that unless Skyhold was under attack, we weren't to be disturbed._

 _I woke up very early this morning so I could slip out before anyone could see me leave. I left a note and a map on Marnie's night table. I came here to the tower and caught a few more hours of sleep. The note I left Marnie gave her specific instructions, such as when to leave (so she blends into the guard shift change). She should be here in a candle._

 _That's why I had time to write in you!_

 _ **15 Kingsway, 9:41 Dragon**_

 _I woke up on the morning of our 10_ _th_ _anniversary to an empty bed, and was about to feel cross until I saw a note on my nightstand in Ali's handwriting. He wrote that Lily is having a sleep-over with her grandmother and to "Go to the closet for further instructions."_

 _I went into my closet and saw an inquisition guard uniform and cloak, to which another note was pinned: "At the start of nones put on the uniform and go to point A on the map, then put on the cloak, return to point B on the map, and proceed to the X."_

 _Clearly, we were going into hiding. He timed my leaving our quarters to correspond to the guards' shift change. I looked at the map it and the X was the tower now accessible after the battlements and stairs had recently bene restored._

 _I spent time getting ready. I may have to dress like a soldier, but my smalls were definitely not regulation!_

 _ **17 Kingsway, 9:41 Dragon**_

 _I wish I could write like Varric, because after the last day and a half I would write a friend-fiction so hot it would burn Izzy's fingers!_

 _That map was perfect. Alistair was leaning against the door frame with his arms crossed and a big grin on his face. With one finger, he beckoned me closer and when I was bout 5 feet from the door he picked me up, carried me bridle-style over the threshold and then gently kicked the door closed. By the time we got to the bed we were both undressed, except for my lacy smalls, and I was completely breathless. It was past sunset before we left the bed and had dinner in front of the hearth. From then on, we made love, breaking only to nap, eat, and bathe._

 _Ali's stamina is unbelievable. That is all I will say._

 **~oOOo~**

"I was a _bit_ sore the next day, but it was completely worth it!"

Alistair grinned. "I especially liked that we were out of earshot of the rest of Skyhold." He pitched his voice lower. "Hearing you scream my name…is one of my life's great pleasures."

As Marnie blushed, Alistair flipped through the final journal. "Neither of us journaled anything significant in 9:42."

"That's probably because we were dealing with all the remaining rifts. They all seemed to be in the all too many remote corners of nowhere."

"You did write when you came back from the Fallow Mire."

 **~oOOo~**

 _ **3 Cloudreach, 9:43 Dragon**_

 _Finally. All. Gone. No more rifts. It's taken so damn long. The Fallow Mire was the last!_

 _Before I left for The Mire, Josie told me that we had been getting "discrete" inquiries from Orlais about what the Inquisition would do once the rifts are were sealed._

 _We have kept our cards very close to the vest when it comes to the information we give Orlais, but my advisors and inner circle all know that it has always been my intention to disband the Inquisition. I came to that decision in Haven during my talks with Chancellor Roderick (who I still dearly miss) and Mother Giselle. My decision has never changed. A force like ours, beholden to no country, is a recipe for a political disaster._

 _We (my advisors and I) have had several plans for how to disband the Inquisition. Which one we were going to use depended upon what happened with Corypheus, and who became the next the Divine. Fortunately, Corypheus is really dead, and the Divine is one of our own…Cassandra._

 _The primary issue is what to do with our army–after talking with Cassandra (I can call her that my journal), Anora, and Fergus, l suggested that the army come under the Chantry, but stationed at the newly renovated fortress in West Hill, near Highever._

 _While the fort will remain the property of the Fereldan, the Chantry would see to its upkeep, and pay a modest token to the Crown. A Nevarran Divine, whose army is stationed on Ferelden-controlled soil, counter-balances the control Orlais had as the Chantry seat remains in Val Royeaux. At least that is what we all hope._

 _Divine Victoria will call an exalted council so I can formally, and publicly, disband the Inquisition._

 _ **1 Wintermarch,  
9:44 **_

_A date for the Exalted Council (EC) has been finalized - the 1_ _st_ _of Bloomingtide! Over a year since Marnie sealed the last rift._

 _It's remarkable to me that the Chantry gets anything done! I have to say, though, it would have taken far longer without Cassandra as the Divine. Divine Victoria is willing to knock heads to get people moving. When she last visited Skyhold, she said that getting people to do things quickly was close to impossible. The one thing that worked was threatening to ban wearing masks in the Orlesian cathedrals. Very clever!_

 _Anyway._

 _I will be representing Ferelden at the EC. The original choice was Teagan, but Kaitlyn is with child and Teagan does not want to leave her, nor can she make the trip. Somehow, Anora and Fergus see me as the next logical choice, irrespective of the fact that I'm married to the Inquisitor and am the Lieutenant-Commander of the army. While all of our plans for the Army and such have been signed-off on by the Divine, a representative from Orlais will be on the Council to argue that the Inquisition should be a part of the Orlesian army. It's a waste of time, but Orlais needs to save face by at least putting forward the argument. It's bad enough that the Council is being held at the Winter Palace_

 _I have to agree with Loghain – yes, stunning, I know. Orlais can never be trusted leave Ferelden alone._

 _ **25 Cloudreach, 9:44 Dragon**_

 _I have been pushing for so long–sealing rifts and working to disband the Inquisition – that I only recently noticed that the mark is spreading. It covers all of my palm and is moving towards my fingers. I have wear a glove all the time, now._

 _I think the mark is using me as an energy source to fuel its spread, which would explain my increasing fatigue. It's not a pregnancy – the mark apparently has made me infertile, according to Dorian._

 _I am very glad that this will be over soon because I want to be with my family… I fear that the mark is killing me and I don't know how long I have._

 _ **19 Drakonis, 9:44 Dragon**_

 _As with so much over the past several years, the Exalted Council was much more complicated than we could have imagined. The Qunari decided that the Breach and what followed made it evident that Thedas could not be trusted to deal with mages. Their solution? Conquer Thedas. They were using a high dragon to produce unheard of amounts of Gaatlok, which they planned to deliver using Eluvians in order to kill all the leaders of Thedas. The hypocrisy of using magic (the Eluvians) to stop Thedas using magic was staggering…to me at least._

 _Fortunately, two things stood in the Qunari's way: The Inquisition and Solas. Not that Solas worked with us directly. It was a matter of convergent interests. Although we had vastly different reasons, Solas needed to get rid of the Qunari threat and I needed to get rid of the Qunari threat._

 _After more fighting and dealing with what Varric called "weird elven shit," I was able to confront Solas._

 _I greeted him as "Fen'Harel, God of Rebellion." He asked how long I'd known._

 _Instead of answering, I smirked at him, "How easy has it been finding elven agents to do your bidding?"_

 _His nostrils flared. "Clearly harder than I thought."_

 _I also told him that the whole hedge-mage, non-Dalish apostate disguise went out the window when he found the remains of the Orb._

 _He wants to tear down the veil to bring his people back, even though tearing down the veil will destroy Thedas._

 _I knew that the mark was killing me. I figured I had nothing to lose so I told him just what I thought about his plans, "You bloody hypocrite! You're calling the elves to you to do your bidding, but you've neglected to tell them that by helping you they will all die. You've tricked them into believing you are bringing back the creators. Instead you plan to bring back the very horrors you banished by creating the veil? By destroying our world to bring yours back, you are no better than the Evanuris!"_

 _He surprised me though; he saved my life by remover the anchor. Of course, he needed to remove most of my forearm to do it. I asked him why he bothered to help me?_

 _He said that the world was more interesting with me in it and found me to be a worthy adversary._

 _I never told him it would not be me hunting him down._

 _Rylan commands the Chantry's army. Cassandra does not want a Left Hand. She said if there is something that needs to be done, she wants it done – openly. She also doesn't want Leliana to relive what she went through with Justinia._

 _I however, managed a small coup. The spy network built by the Inquisition needs to be maintained and expanded, especially to deal with Solas. I didn't want it to belong to the Chantry. Orlais knows very little of the spy network the Inquisition built, and I'd like to keep it that way. Considering Skyhold belongs to Ferelden and is on Fereldan soil, if we have the spy network continue to run out of Skyhold then it will belong to and advise Ferelden, and while Divine Victoria lives she will work with the King and Queen._

 _Leliana will remain spymaster and Bull will be her second. Dorian will bring in selected allies from Tevinter. In addition to the spy network we have allies like Varric, the Viscount of Kirkwall; and Sebastian, Prince of Starkhaven. Together_ _ **they**_ _are the ones who will find Solas and bring him down._

 _I just want what I have wanted for the last four years…to go home._

 **~oOOo~**

"I never thought it would have taken so long to disband the Inquisition." Marnie shook her head.

"You created large, well connected, complex organization. That doesn't go away with a wave of a hand."

" _I_ didn't create anything, Cullen, Cass, Josie, Leliana, and then you. You all are the ones who created and grew the Inquisition. I was never the first person on site, Leliana's scouts were. _I_ didn't break down the walls of Adamant…"

Marnie cleared her throat and wiped her eyes before continuing. "Cullen commanded the army that did. The army also made it possible for me to access places that had been destroyed or otherwise rendered uninhabitable. Josie's contacts brought us influence and trade, you brought us the strength of the Fereldan Crown. All _I_ did was go fight the bad guys."

Alistair laughed. " _All_ you did was fight the bad guys? Love, you were the heart and soul of the Inquisition. All we did was provide you the support you never had in Kirkwall."

Marnie rolled her eyes as she closed the crate of journals and slid it to Alistair so he could seal it. it. Then she grabbed her cloak and stepped onto the newly accessible balcony. Alistair followed. He put his arms around her and Marnie leaned back against him.

"Cricket seems to have settled in at the _Université_ , even if he is two years younger than his classmates."

Alistair smiled with pride. "He will outshine them all."

"Oh, I forgot, Walter wrote that he has asked Bann Perth's permission to court his daughter, Meghan."

Alistair chuckled. "At this rate, we are going to be the youngest grandparents in Thedas."

They were quiet for several minutes before Marnie said softly, "You know…sometimes I wake up and I can swear I can still feel my arm?"

"Dagna did a remarkable job with that brace."

"Indeed, or those crates would still be blocking this balcony."

Alistair pulled Marnie closer. "I'm glad that Dennet gave the farm to Siobhan and Cullen. They are raising horses and helping former templars get back on their feet. Though I still cannot believe Teagan is giving us the Grand Forest Villa. I'm not sure what we will do to fill all of the space given it's just the three of us."

Marnie nodded, "But we can raise horses there. I do look forward to moving into our _own_ home, even if it's a villa. We've never had that. Ever since we got married, it was Mother's estate, Dennet's farm, Haven, then Skyhold. We _finally_ get to have something that is uniquely ours."

Alistair chuckled. "It's only taken 13 years, but I guess we've been a little busy."

~FIN~

AN: Thank you to all who have read and reviewed this tale. Especially, thanks to my Beta, ElyssaCousland who really made this possible.


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